A Want So Wicked (A Need So Beautiful #2)(63)

Monroe and Onika are sitting on the steps of a large building, a college where they’re students together. Onika is wearing a summer dress, her blond hair curled at the ends. She’s laughing, and moves to rest her hand on Monroe’s knee. Monroe glances down at her fingers, his smile slipping. As if realizing the shift in his mood, Onika leans to kiss him. It’s the first day they met.

I open my eyes now and find Monroe next to me, his lids brimming with tears. “And then?” he asks softly, reliving the moments with me.

Onika is walking just ahead of Monroe, sneaking glances back at him with a devious smile. She’s wandering down a dimly lit hallway, occasionally crooking her finger to tell Monroe to hurry up. I can feel Monroe’s desire for her, his want to steal her away from her mother. To protect her. To marry her.

When they get to the doorway of her apartment, he pushes her against the wall and they kiss, murmuring words I can’t hear, but I can feel. They are in love.

The memories speed by as they talk of their future, of Onika’s past and how it tortures her. But the night she tells him about her compulsions, everything changes. Monroe listens as she sobs, his body chilling. He knows what it means and what he’s supposed to do. And when she finishes talking, he can only smile sadly. “You need to jump, darling,” he says softly. “It’s the only choice.”

Onika stormed out after screaming at him, but she doesn’t know how he cried, curled up on the floor of his living room. How he stayed up night after night, feeding on painkillers as he searched for a way to save her. And when he discovered that the collagen could keep Onika’s skin on a little longer, he rejoiced in her happiness. All she wanted was to fight her compulsion. And he swore to help her. In his heart, it was the only thing left to live for.

“I betrayed her,” Monroe says, breaking me from the thoughts. “I promised I’d fight, but when I saw what it was doing to her, I had to stop.” Tears roll down his cheeks, but he doesn’t wipe them away. “And the day she disappeared, long after she’d turned to the Shadows, was the worst day of my life. Physically she was gone, but she haunted my dreams for years—all the way up until you left. And then I thought I lost her for good.”

“She still loves you,” I say. “Her feelings for you are the only shred of humanity she has left, a part she thought she lost. Maybe if you talk to her, you can—”

“I haven’t seen Onika in years,” he says. “She won’t appear to me, even when I beg. Besides, I doubt she’ll want me to see her how she is. And I don’t think I do either.”

In his eyes I see the truth. “You want to save her,” I murmur. “You don’t want me to extinguish her.”

“I want her to have peace,” he says solemnly. “I wish only for her to have peace, but she can’t find that. No Shadow can when they can’t die.”

My heart leaps with an answer. “Onika killed a Shadow before,” I say quickly. “The man who turned her, she reached inside of his chest and . . .” I pause, trying to think of the right words. “She reached in and ripped out his soul.”

Harlin makes a noise from across the room as if he just now realized how truly dangerous Onika is. “Elise,” he starts, but Monroe cuts him off.

“Can you do that?” Monroe asks me. “You’re full of light, more light than any Forgotten—what can you do?”

“I can bring on the Need.”

Monroe smiles then, something small and private. He stands with effort, steadying himself on the table as he passes. “I have to go see Marceline. I think I have a plan.” He pauses to look back at me. “But, sweetheart,” he says sadly, “this always ends the same way. You know that, right?”

My lips part with the start of an argument, but I say nothing. Not now. Not after everything I’ve seen. The Shadows are awful, and if I can stop them, won’t it be worth it?

“What does that mean?” Harlin asks, coming to sit next to me. “I know you’re not suggesting she sacrifice herself again, because that’s not going to happen.”

“Harlin, friend,” Monroe says. “She’s not of this earth. She can’t stay, not when she isn’t meant to.”

“Maybe that’s why she’s back,” he challenges. “She not like the other Forgotten. You don’t know what her destiny is.”

I stare down into my lap, grief enveloping me. I don’t want to give up my life, but I’m not sure there’s another way. Harlin begins to argue with Monroe. His harsh tone becomes raspy with the strain of his words. He threatens to leave—to take me with him.

When I finally lift my head, Monroe gazes over at me with a pleading expression. “Talk to him,” he murmurs, standing at the door. “Get some rest and call me when you wake. I believe Onika will be waiting for you.” He turns. “It’s nearly time.”

CHAPTER 27

I watch Monroe cross the parking lot to his rental car. When I turn, Harlin is standing close by with his shoulders slumped. He’s torn, probably debating whether or not to kidnap me and run far away. I wish we could.

I close the door, leaning against it as I throw the lock. I’m no longer weak from my run-in with Abe; instead a buzz hums under my skin, my memories strong and clear. I know who and what I am. And I know what it means for me and Harlin. No matter what, there was never a chance for us—the universe didn’t allow it.