A Want So Wicked (A Need So Beautiful #2)(67)

I lower my head, hugging myself to him as if he could feel it. As if he could hold me. And for a second, I think that he will as he raises his arm. But when I look, he’s only paying the vendor as she hands him a brown paper bag. My heart sinks, and I move away, following behind him once again.

As long as Monroe Swift walks this earth, I will be here, watching him. I’ll never let him get close to a woman; I’ll never let him have children—the children that he should have had with me. I will never find peace—and will never let him have it either.

On the road in front of me, Onika laughs cruelly. Her face breaks open, peeling as she lets her facade fade away. “Do you think you have me figured out?” she asks, her mouth pulled into a sneer. “Perhaps you should see more.” She closes her eyes and I’m shoved back into her visions, only this time I’m not on the streets of Portland.

I’m a child, in a filthy basement in Russia. And I’m not alone.

I don’t last thirty seconds before I force myself out of her head, my body shivering. “No,” I say, my voice cracking. “I can’t take it.”

Onika smiles sadly at this. “Neither could I. But that didn’t much matter, now did it?” She pauses, as if contemplating her next move.

“If I destroy you,” she says quietly, “destroy the light—there will be no hope. The misery I spread will be unstoppable, not by anything. And only then, Elise, might it let me go. Can you imagine if your every thought, your every impulse, was covered in thick smoke—a choking desire that’s only relieved by the most dastardly of things. Those men from my past—” She stops, composing herself. “The Shadows create the horror of this world,” she continues. “And humans cultivate it—putting it into action. I’m cursed, darling. And that curse is that I can’t die. I will never have peace. And that’s the cruelest fate of all.”

“What if there’s another way?” I ask.

“There’s not,” she says instantly. Then she raises one finger, beckoning me toward her. “I’ll let him live,” she whispers. “Your boy? I won’t harm him, or let Abraham harm him. I think that would be a fair trade.”

I shoot a glance at Abe, and he seems offended that Onika is speaking for him. At the same time, I see that he’s calculating a move. I don’t think Abe likes to lose. Lucy still sits on the ground, watching us with curiosity, a bit of fear.

“Harlin would rather die than see me give up so easily,” I say, knowing it’s true. If she’s going to take me out, she’ll have to take me out fighting.

“Oh, he’s not enough?” she asks, as if I’m being petty. “Well, I’ve got more. You know better than to think that a boy is all I could take from you.” She grins, her face filling in, becoming beautiful again. “I have your father.”

From the corner of my eye, I see Abe turn to Onika. Lucy sucks in a startled gasp, finding her way to her feet, and my heart feels like it might stop beating at any second.

Onika stands in front of Santo’s, looking human. “Doug,” she calls sweetly.

A moan escapes me when I see my father walk out from the door of the old antique shop two stores down from Santo’s. His clothes are dirty, his glasses missing. I know that he’s not a projection, not a trick. She truly has him.

“Oh, Daddy,” I whimper, taking a step toward him. But I stop, not sure what to do. I need Monroe.

“Hey, kid,” my father says, sounding a bit dreamy. I notice then that Onika’s lips are moving in tandem with my father’s. “You’ve been a naughty girl, playing with Shadows.”

“Stop it,” I say, glaring at Onika. “Leave him alone.” I’m grateful that he’s not dead, but her control over him is clear. Although Shadows can influence thoughts, they’re not supposed to take people over. There’s always supposed to be a choice.

“Yeah,” she says, as if she’s part of the conversation in my head. “But things are different now, Elise. What is free will, really?” Her attention snaps to Lucy. “Don’t even think it,” she sneers. “I don’t mind killing my kind. In fact, you and Abraham are really starting to grate on my nerves.”

Abe’s expression is weak as he watches my father, as if it bothers him.

Onika continues to talk, but I stop listening. I close my eyes, reaching for the light, the warmth. I try to reach Abe with the Need. For the first time I can see something inside him, a dull glow, a shred of humanity. I wind my way to it, drawing him out, finding the memory of when he was Forgotten.

I see Abe. He’s a boy in Yuma living with his parents and his little brother. They don’t have much, but the house is clean. Always enough to eat. His dad takes him four-wheeling every summer on the dunes while his brother watches, cheering every time they pass. They’re so happy.

I open my eyes to see Abe staring at me, his eyes glassy as he experiences the memories at the same time I do. He doesn’t want me to see what’s next. He doesn’t want to feel it again. But I press on anyway.

When Abe is sixteen, I watch as his parents are killed in an accident, a hit-and-run. His father lies on the road, his lungs slowly filling with blood as he tries to keep breathing long enough to make sure help arrives. He doesn’t know that Maria is already dead not three feet away. Abe is still strapped in the backseat, unconscious.