A Want So Wicked (A Need So Beautiful #2)(60)

Shocked, I step back, nearly falling into the bathtub. I steady myself against the tile wall with my hand, my heart pounding in my chest. The mirror regains its focus—but it doesn’t erase the knowledge flowing in—the unstoppable force growing inside me.

I’m Elise Landon now, but I wasn’t always. I was Charlotte Cassidy. And as a Forgotten I saved people. I helped them.

Tears begin to stream down my cheeks as I’m struck with an acute sense of loss. The heaviness breaks through my chest, and I collapse onto the floor as the emotions crush me.

I remember Mercy, my adoptive mother, and how she found me all alone as a little girl. She raised me as her own, loved me as her own. But then—like everyone else—she forgot me. “Oh, Ma,” I whisper, wishing for just another minute with her. Wishing I could have told her how much I loved her.

The other pieces flow back: my time with Sarah, with Alex. The way they stared at me as if they’d never known me. I remember Monroe picking me up after all of my skin had worn away, and how he helped me hide it.

And of course there was Harlin. There is always Harlin.

I remember standing on the railing of the Rose City Bridge, looking behind me to the choppy water, terrified of what would happen if I jumped. But more afraid of what would happen if I stayed. And so when it was time to let go, I did just that. I gave myself to the light. I gave up everything.

My body shakes with sobs and I cover my face with my hands, bringing my knees toward my chest as I curl up on the bathroom floor. I’m ragged and broken, and barely able to breathe.

Because, worst of all, I remember every second of what it was like to lose my life.

CHAPTER 26

I’m not sure how long I lay there, but when I hear footsteps in the hallway I know I have to leave. It’s like I have two histories—that of Charlotte and that of Elise. But I am Elise. Even though the universe allowed for my existence, bending and creating this body and my past, it doesn’t make my life any less real. It’s all me.

I don’t know what happened when I jumped off the Rose City Bridge nine months ago, but I know I left—left for what feels like forever. Now I’m compelled forward to find Onika. But first I need Monroe. I have an idea.

When I ease open the bathroom door, the hallway is deserted, the moving boxes still where my father left them a month ago. There’s a pang of sadness when I think that I wasn’t really always with him, although it feels that way to all of us.

The house is quiet, but little pinpricks break over my skin. A tingling of fear. I swallow hard and slip into my bedroom to grab a coat just in case. I’m not sure when I’ll get back here. I’m not sure of what’s going to happen now.

I rush back out into the hallway and stagger to a stop. Lucy stands, blocking my way, wearing a long black dress. Her skin is like porcelain with a dusting of blush high on her cheeks. I’d call her beautiful, but I know what she is now.

“You’re running out in the middle of the night? That is so unlike you,” she says with a small smile.

“I’m meeting Harlin,” I reply, trying to sound natural so she’ll let me leave.

There’s the click of the front door opening and I’m suddenly terrified of what will happen when Lucy sees my father. But she just chuckles, looking back over her shoulder. And then I see why.

Abe’s shiny black shoes tap on the tile as he approaches, handsome as ever. A wry grin settles on his lips as he walks up behind my sister, placing his hands possessively on her shoulders.

My expression falters, although I try to stay calm. Every inch of me is petrified of him.

“You’re not happy to see me,” Abe teases, moving past my sister as he approaches me. “No hug?”

I take a step back and he halts, his eyes narrowing. “Leave,” he murmurs to Lucy. My sister nods. With the Need gone, her personality has shifted into something much darker. Knowing my past, I can understand that she’s angry about having to give everything up. But it would have been better than becoming the damned.

“You lovebirds have fun,” she calls. “I’ll lock the door on my way out.”

When I hear the dead bolt, my body begins to tremble. I hold Abe’s gaze, refusing to become his possession.

“Who are you?” he asks then, irritation in his voice.

“Elise Landon.”

“Let me rephrase,” he says. “What are you?”

“Just a girl—”

Abe growls and reaches out to grab me by the upper arms, his nails digging in and making me wince. As he touches me, though, a slow realization slides over his face. “That’s why you’re so bright,” he says. “But how? Souls can’t return.”

As a Shadow, Abe can infect others with just a whisper, a touch. But I won’t let him trick me into trusting him this time.

“Well, I guess I’m special or something,” I say. And before he can respond, I bring my knee up hard, nailing him in the thigh. He yells out and I push him enough to move sideways, slipping inside my bedroom before slamming the door. My fingers are shaking so badly it takes three tries to turn the lock.

Silence.

Unlike Onika on the bridge, Abe isn’t trying to tempt me away from the light; he can’t. Instead he wants to keep me as a prisoner, bending me to his will for as long as he can. I know he won’t stop until he has me.