You're to Blame(71)
“What the fuck!” I shout, standing. Yep, there goes my shit. It just waltzed out of the room, leaving Jacob with a really angry, bitter version of me. “Let’s be honest, Jacob, you wanted your cake and to eat it, too.”
“You’re right.” His words are a damn near whisper.
“What?” I stomp to the windows and look out into the large parking lot. Cars come and go, but I stand still, frozen. Jacob greets me with a sad, apologetic smile when I brace myself and turn towards him.
“You. Are. Right.” He enunciates every word so painfully slow, it feels like daggers into my heart. I’m right. “Isn’t that what you came here for, to hear all the wrongs I did to you?” The animosity rolling off Jacob could move a mountain.
“You’re angry with me?” I cover my chest.
“No, I’m not angry. I’m surprised by you.” He mutes the television. “I’m surprised you let Duke think we were still together, especially after you slept with him, and he fell in love with you.”
I scoff. “Duke Anderson doesn’t love me.”
“For someone so damn smart, Char, you sure are fucking dense.” Jacob shakes his head. I’ve never done a thing to disappoint Jacob, and even as mad as I am, it hurts.
Duke doesn’t love me. If he loved me, why didn’t he tell me about Jacob?
Like he can read my damn mind, Jacob says, “It wasn’t his story to tell, and you know that.”
But it was my story to tell him. I could’ve kept up the charade of Jacob and me still being together to his parents, but everyone else should’ve known the truth, and no harm would’ve been done. Instead, I kept it a secret, and right now, in this single moment as I look at Jacob, I’m not sure why I did.
“Why do you think I kept our break-up a secret?” I ask out loud, but shake my head when Jacob’s lips part. I don’t need an answer from him. This is something I need to figure out for myself. I sit on the edge of the mattress again, my blood no longer pumping furiously through my body. The anger I felt seconds ago is gone.
Jacob checks his phone and with wide eyes, he assesses me. Uh oh. Something’s wrong.
“Stacey. She’ll be here soon,” Jacob explains.
“Do you love her?” I ask, because for some reason, I feel like I need to know this isn’t all for nothing.
“I think I could.” His honesty makes the truth sting a little less.
“What are you going to do about all this? A baby? That’s sort of big.” Jacob is going to be a father. The blonde-haired boy who stole my heart a long time ago, promising to never let it go, is going to be a father, and I’m starting to be okay with our new reality.
“I graduate soon.” He shrugs nonchalantly, but his eyes do that thing when he gets really excited. This is something he wants. It’s not an obligation or a matter of circumstance. We really were done.
“Hello?” A low voice calls out, followed by a soft knock.
Stacey walks in, wearing a loose sweater and her hands crossed over her chest. At the sight of her, I stand, afraid of how intimate Jacob and I look sitting together on the bed.
“I didn’t mean to interrupt.” Stacey glances at the door, and then to us.
“No.” I spring to my feet. “I was actually just leaving.”
“Charlotte,” Jacob calls, and I pause. The admiration is clear in his soft tone. Stacey doesn’t seem upset by the way Jacob’s head tilts just right, watching me. “You kept it a secret because your heart’s too big. You put everyone else first, and you know that. It’s why I was able to get away with what I did to you.” At those words, my eyes burn, desperate for the relief crying will bring. “You deserve someone like Duke, and I don’t know if it helps, but he wouldn’t have come all the way up here just to tell me you hooked up if that was all it was.”
I nod, and offer him a smile of thanks for the words he didn’t have to say, but knew would ease a bit of my pain.
“Thank you,” I mouth.
Stacey backs away with fear flooded eyes, like I’m going to smack her on my way out of the room.
“I owe you an apology.” I face her. “You were easiest to blame at first, but now, I know you weren’t the problem.” My eyes shift to her belly and then back to her wary eyes. Fair enough. I did call her a hussy. “Congratulations.”
My feet carry me from the room. I’m floating in a content, oddly relaxing fog. Seeing Jacob was the exact thing I needed. He brought clarity to the situation and made me ask myself a few questions I still don’t know the answers to.
Back in the apartment, Rachel sits on the couch, text books strewn in front of her. Her eyebrows perk up, and she twists a pen in between her fingers.
“Hey,” I say, dropping my purse on the couch and keys on the table, next to another set I know doesn’t belong to Rachel. “Who’s here?”
“Charlotte,” Wes’s voice echoes down the hallway.
For God sakes, can I just have a minute of quiet? I’m desperate to slip into my warm sweatpants and slippers and crawl into bed to rest my eyes. Crying takes a lot out of a person. I don’t think I have any more energy to give anyone.
“He showed up. I couldn’t turn him away,” Rachel apologizes, a sympathetic smile that can’t go ignored.