You're to Blame(70)

“You’re the last person I expected to see.” Jacob’s voice is low. He doesn’t bother looking my way, like he already knows it’s me in the room with him.

I fidget with the strap of my purse just inside his hospital room.

After Duke left, or more like after asshole me kicked him out, I laid on the couch and cried while Rachel played with my hair. Tears ran like a river down my cheeks, onto my neck, to the place where I love Duke to kiss me most. All the crying in the world wouldn’t take away the hurt, so I came to the first place I thought I’d get some answers.

Jacob has always been the person I go to for advice. It doesn’t seem fair, but old habits die hard, and the masochist in me wants to punish myself a bit.

“Yeah, well, here I am.” I wag my head from side to side, like I’m weighing the odds. Do I go in on one side, or do I stay out on the other? The two have an epic battle in my head.

“You can come in, Charlotte. I don’t have anything else left to hurt you with.” Jacob pats his mattress, inviting me to sit.

Take a deep breath. He’s still Jacob. He may have knocked up some girl while we were still together, but I broke up with him. I need to remember that. I broke up with him for legit reasons that didn’t change because of our situation.

“You look like someone ran over your family dog again, Char.” At the mention of Poodle, I glance up, angry. “Okay, poor joke, but seriously, Charlotte, you are looking at me like I’m the damn devil.”

“You aren’t the devil.” I toss my purse on the chair and sit on the edge of the mattress, my legs extended in front of me, awfully close to Jacob’s head. “A close runner up. You’re more like the devil’s apprentice.”

Jacob’s laugh brings back a flood of memories. Childhood summers spent in the treehouse, laughing over something stupid we forced Wes to do. That time seems so far away from this hospital room.

“You’re lighter.” Jacob adjusts the pillow and sits up in bed. “I don’t know what it is, but you seem... Your eyes are lighter.”

“A lot happened when you were away.” There’s no other way to say it. Coma seems too clinical. “Five weeks is a long time, Jacob.”

“Want to explain?”

“You want to explain your situation?” I skim my hand along the edge of the hospital mattress.

“Charlotte, I got involved with the wrong people, and in the process, Stacey fell in my lap. You’ve pieced together who her father is, and we can say he wasn’t too happy with his daughter and me spending time together.” Jacob shakes his head. Anger fills his eyes, but it’s not directed at anyone but himself. “I owed him money, too, so I’m sure that didn’t help.”

“How did I not see any of this? How did you keep it hidden from me?” I beg the question, feeling surprised I didn’t see a single sign of the troubles he’s gotten himself into.

“When I disappeared, and I said I had house things to do at the fraternity...”

“You were with her,” I cut him off.

“Or I was at the warehouse, gambling,” Jacob admits.

“What?” None of his words register in my head. Gambling? It doesn’t make any sense. “Why the need to gamble though? I don’t understand.”

“I had hoped to take some of the burden off my parents for college tuition, and now, all I’ve done is rack up a hefty hospital bill.” His eyes scan the room at all the equipment.

“Although noble, Jacob, you’re a fucking idiot.”

How did this become such a mess?

“You think I don’t know that? I got in over my head, and now, I feel like I’m drowning.” He winces as he tries to sit up more. The bruises and broken bones will be a reminder of the mistakes he’s made for a while.

“You’ll float to the top. You always do.” I offer a genuine smile I didn’t know I would have for Jacob.

“This is weird, right? Us sitting here like best friends, pretending we didn’t totally destroy each other.” Jacob’s playful behavior eases some of the ache I feel in my chest. “Now that you know why I’m here, can I explain to you where we went wrong? More like where I went wrong.” Jacob wreaks havoc on the hospital blanket, making a hole in the fabric with his thumb.

Let him explain, my mind thinks. My heart, the bruised ego I have currently, screams for me to run from the room.

“Sure.” Well, looks like the mind won the battle.

Jacob takes a deep breath, his eyes focused where his finger goes in and out of the fabric. At least he’s nervous. If this was easy to explain, I may just have slapped him.

“You and I, we aren’t what we used to be. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you, because, Charlotte, I do. You’ve been my best friend since your goofy ass tried to steal my treehouse.” He laughs, and so do I, because it’s easier than crying. “I fucked up. Not you. You tried your hardest with me. And coming here to college, even knowing you were following me in a couple of years, it became obvious to me we weren’t on the same page.”

His remorseful awareness of the situation pisses me off. Why didn’t he just break up with me? Why did he allow me to give up all those scholarships to follow him if he knew we weren’t it for each other?

I take a few beats to regulate my breathing. The heat coursing through my veins is a sure sign I’m two seconds from losing my shit.