Watching(19)

Dessert soon arrives, New York style cheesecake, taking the first bite, I notice my eyes are closed, I almost kick myself. When I open them again and see Killian watching me, as well as a few others. With each bite I take, I try and not make a sound, or close my eyes even though that’s what I want to do as I feel like a piece of heaven has entered my mouth.

Plates are taken away and soon I see clipboards getting passed to each guest. People signing their names. I look to Killian and Violet who are watching me. I am starting to feel overwhelmed by how much staring those two do. I look away and when Meredith passes me the clipboard, my palms start to sweat up.

“You can put your name down on anything,” Violet says.

“If we get to join,” Killian adds. I have to bite my tongue to say that I am not his and I will do what I want but I stay quiet.

I look at each room and what they represent and see gaps where times run out and the room to be cleaned before the next couple/group start. I have never been watched. I am the watcher. Okay yes, Violet and Killian had moments where they watched me in an intimate moment but not a room full of people.

“Remember you can say red at any time and we stop,” Violet says reassuringly.

I look back to the clipboard, taking my alcoholic drink, downing it in one go. “Fuck it. You only live once right?” I sign us for the threesome but will tell them I am not getting fucked. I look to Meredith’s name in the BDSM room and I wonder if I would enjoy something like that. It’s not sex if you don’t want it added. I can stop it if I don’t like it. I sign Killian and me up to that. I see one that sounds intriguing.

“You see something you like?” Violet asks me.

“There is one room I want to try but you both can’t join me.” I bite my lip.

“Why is that?” Killian asks taking a sip of his water.

“Because I said so.” I see his jaw tighten.

“Put your name down then.” Violet gives me a nod and I put down my name and pass the clipboard to her.

“The threesome room?” Violet smiles.

“But Killian doesn’t enter me.” I quickly add. Killian crosses his arms.

“That’s fine.” Violet looks to the last room I put my name down for and beams. “I think you will like that room.” Killian takes the clipboard and I see his face turn stern before he looks up and it morphs to surprise.

“You want to do a scene?” He asks me.

I shrug. “I just want to see what it’s like. I read so many books, and I thought why not.”

“That’s a lot of trust you are giving to me.” His voice softens.

“I know.” He gives me a warm smile, before looking back down to the clipboard, I see his eyes go back to my name on the last room before passing the clipboard on. “You both not going to put your names down on anything?”

“We are happy with what you put us down for. Plus we are the hosts so we can’t spend all night in the rooms, unfortunately.” But they are spending most of their time with me.





After the meal, everyone starts to head to the rooms or back to the grand hall. I walk past everyone heading back to the bar wishing the alcohol will take some effect on me and calm my racing heart. Even give me some Dutch courage.

I order myself a double vodka, I take the glass to my lips ready to take a huge sip when I feel the glass taken away from me. I turn glaring at Killian who is smirking at me in return.

“I was going to drink that.” I try and grab it but he keeps it out of reach.

“You aren’t allowed anymore to drink until you are finished with the rooms.” Of course, I’m not. I had to sign up something out of my norm and I can’t even drink to help with my nerves.

“Why didn’t you tell me that?” He shrugs at me.

“I didn’t think the first thing you would do is head to the bar. We have a rule that members aren’t allowed to be intoxicated during the rooms, it’s for health reasons. You wouldn’t want me to be drunk when I whip you, do you?” I guess that makes sense but I inwardly groan.

I just wanted one drink.

“I guess.” I pout.

“It's understandable to be nervous.” He pauses. He takes my hand walking me to the far end of the room. “Close your eyes.” He tells me, I raise an eyebrow at him and he chuckles, smiling at me. “I will be good, trust me.” I do as he asks. “Take in a deep breath.” I do. “Breathe out. Think of something calming. The ocean, the feeling of your feet in the sand.” I listen to each word he is saying and I do feel myself begin to calm and feel relaxed.

“I am feeling better,” I say with my eyes still closed.

“Good. Now breathe in again. Then breathe out.” I follow his instructions. “Now open your eyes.” I do and his eyes are on me, watching me. “Better?”

“Much, thank you.”

“Anytime, now come on, take my hand.” He entwines his fingers with mine and we start walking to where the rooms are. Is he wanting to watch something? We go in the room that I remember the threesome was in and I see Violet sitting on the bed, apart from her, the room is empty.

“What’s going on?” I look around confused.

“It’s our turn sweetie,” Violet says. I start to feel my heart hammering again. People are going to watch me. I place my hand over my heart, feeling it beat against my chest.