Until You Loved Me (Silver Springs #3)(52)

“Are you kidding me?” Amy replied. “Of all the options you’ve told me about, I’d take the million dollars! That’s like hitting the lottery! You’d never have to work another day in your life.”

“I doubt that’s true. A million dollars doesn’t go as far as it used to. Anyway, I love my job.”

“So work when you want to.”

“What about giving up the baby? You think that’s a fair trade?”

“You can always have another baby when you’re married and in the situation you’d like to be in before starting a family.”

Despite the tenderness of Ellie’s stomach, her son was hanging on. His heartbeat had sounded strong and true. He was tough—like his father. She hated that she admired Hudson so much, when he just saw her as part of the problem, but she figured she couldn’t be too hard on herself. Everyone admired him. “I can’t give up my baby.”

“Even though he’d be with Hudson and well taken care of? Have everything he could ever want?”

She tried to imagine living in Miami with a child in California and couldn’t. “Yes.”

“Now you want the baby.”

“You know I do!”

“I knew you’d grown accustomed to the idea and decided to make the most of it. I didn’t know you’d prefer to keep the kid over $1 million!”

That was because Amy hadn’t experienced the flutter of life Ellie had felt. Amy hadn’t seen the ultrasound or spent hours trying to select the perfect shade of blue for the nursery. “This isn’t how I would’ve chosen to go about becoming a mother, but...this child is part of me, part of my life, already.”

“I told you not to start decorating.”

But that was how she’d managed to recover from everything she’d been through—what she thought about in her off hours, what she spent her time doing whenever she wasn’t at the lab. She’d enjoyed choosing the furniture, the color scheme, the wallpaper, the paint and chair railing. She’d also enjoyed shopping. She’d registered at various online sites to become familiar with everything she’d need, and she’d begun to acquire those items. Her baby had brought some sunshine into her life, had brought her pleasure outside work. “I won’t let Hudson—or anyone else—have him. I know that much. I’m just not sure whether I should go to California.”

“What do you have to lose?”

“I’d have to give up my postdoc.”

“Won’t the baby interrupt that, anyway?”

“I have twelve weeks of maternity leave.”

“That’s not as long as it sounds. A baby is still pretty small at three months. And isn’t the BDC going to need someone who can be there during that time? They can’t halt their research and wait for you, can they?”

“No. They’ll need to get someone to replace me. They’re already looking.”

“Will they be able to do that? Get someone to jump in and stay for only three months?”

“It won’t be easy,” Ellie replied. “That’s part of the reason I’m considering Hudson’s offer. The BDC would be better off if I quit and let them hire someone else to take over. And I’d probably be better off, too. If I give up my job, the pressure will be off. I’d be able to stay with my son until I was willing to put him in day care and find something else.”

“Especially if you had financial support from Hudson and weren’t trying to live off your savings.”

“True. He said if I came to California, he’d cover my monthly expenses—and then some.”

“Perfect. Just put him off until closer to the delivery. Then you can work until the last possible minute. What about that?”

Ellie pushed the button that would move her bed into a sitting position. “Some airlines won’t allow pregnant women to fly if they’re past twenty-eight weeks. That means I’ll be here for only a month and a half before I have to leave—if I go.”

“So...what? You’re thinking of going back with him now?”

“I’m considering it,” she admitted.

“What’s holding you back?”

Fear. She’d be giving up what was comfortable and safe and entering a completely foreign world. “What if I hate living there? What if I regret leaving? What if I feel useless without my job?”

“If you go now, you’ll have time to come back if you don’t like the way things are.”

“True...”

“And who knows? It might be fun. Hudson lives a life very few people get to experience.”

Ellie had considered that, too. She’d worked so hard, not only in college but after, that she’d had very little fun. She hated to see her best years pass without experiencing everything life had to offer. “What about my parents?”

“What about them? They’re still in Europe, aren’t they?”

“They are, but they’ll be coming back. If I move to California, they’ll hardly ever get to see their grandchild.”

“Making sure you and the baby are happy—and that Hudson gets a fair shot at being a good father—is more important than anything else.”

When she looked at it like that, Ellie had to agree.