To Have It All(20)
Helen laid a hand on my arm. “We need to take this one step at a time. We won’t figure it all out in one day. First, let’s get the hospital forms filled out so we can keep your body on support, then we can make a plan.”
I nodded, appreciating her leveling me out. It was easy to get lost in the why’s and how’s of it all. There were so many questions, but if I ever hoped to find answers I needed to ensure my body would be kept alive so I could get them.
After I filled out the paperwork, which took forever because I had to rifle through Max’s files to get his checking account information and social security number, we played with Pim and laughed at all her quirky little ways. She was fast, but a bit clumsy. Sometimes she’d get so caught up in laughing she’d trip over her own feet as she walked. There were several times I wished we’d had some kind of baby helmet to put on her. Kids could scare the shit out of you. It was like we were watching this tiny, adorable little girl doing everything possible to hurt herself without even trying.
“Uh . . . what is this?” Hel asked waving a small vile when she returned from using the bathroom.
Squinting my eyes, trying to see better, I asked, “What? I don’t know.”
Pressing her lips together, she gave me a concerned look.
“What, Hel?” I demanded as I walked Pim around while she held my finger with her tiny hand for balance.
“I think they’re steroids, Liam.”
I froze on the spot and stared at her hand. “Are you sure?”
Huffing, she tossed the vile at me. “Look how cut you look, Liam. You think Max looks like that without juicing?”
Max’s body was cut and lean, that I couldn’t deny. I had wondered if he ate nothing but lettuce and worked out five hours a day. I’d felt bad about eating that plate of fries the night before, like maybe I was sabotaging him, but damn if they didn’t taste good. I figured Max’s lean body could handle the cheat meal. Then something else occurred to me, something I wasn’t sure I wanted to discuss with Hel, but who else could I talk to about it?
“His balls are kind of small,” I blurted out, immediately cringing when I realized what I’d said in front of Pimberly. “Sorry, sweetie,” I whispered.
“Balls,” she babbled causing Helen to burst into laughter.
“Nice, Liam,” she chortled. “So Max has small . . .” she hesitated, choosing her words carefully. “Man bits,” she finished.
“Balls,” Pimberly giggled.
Helen’s face lit up as she grinned, almost on the verge of laughing, but stopping herself when I gave her a stern look. “So . . . they’re small?”
I growled, frustrated because she knew exactly what I was talking about, but was going to enjoy torturing me. Then I wondered if I was really so annoyed or if I was going through withdrawals; maybe the change in hormones was getting to me, making me cranky. “Yes, they’re small, Hel,” I stated plainly.
“Got down there and gave it all a good inspection, did ya?” she chuckled as she plopped down on the couch. I rolled my eyes. I shouldn’t have told her; I knew she’d bust my balls about it . . . or Max’s little balls anyway. I wasn’t sure how to feel about the fact I’d given everything downtown a good look. It was weird. Whenever I pissed, I had to hold another man’s junk. As if being in his body wasn’t already awkward and uncomfortable, touching his genitals was the icing on the cake. As immature as it sounds, I was relieved to find his Johnson was on par with my own—size wise, though I wagered mine was slightly bigger. If, for some reason, I ended up being stuck in Max’s body forever, having a small dick would’ve made things a lot worse. The only reason I even noticed his testicles were small was that when I showered, I’d felt them while washing. At the time, I thought he was just a guy with small nuts, but now it made sense. He’d been juicing, and juicing can shrink a dude’s cojones from lack of testosterone.
Helen continued to laugh, but I decided not to respond to her question. Obviously, I had checked out the equipment. As if anyone in my position wouldn’t have. There was no need to defend myself. “So on top of being in this prick’s body,” I seethed, “I’m dealing with the carnage of him abandoning his kid, the wrath of a woman he’s scorned, and I now have to endure the symptoms of steroid withdrawal?”
Helen’s face was red, and she was laughing so hard no sound was coming out. “This isn’t funny, Helen,” I insisted as I lifted Pim to my hip.
Covering her mouth with one hand as if it would blind me from the fact she was laughing her ass off at me, she held her other hand up in apology. It took her a few moments until she could speak. “Have no fear, big brother. Looks like he was prepared,” Helen interjected, wiping the tears from under her eyes. “There are supplements in there for coming down.”
“How do you know so much about this stuff?”
Helen shrugged. “I watched a documentary on ESPN with David. With him in football and baseball I wanted to horrify him to make sure he never uses them.”
The doorbell rang and my heart about leaped out of my chest. I’d planned for Helen to leave around 1:30 p.m. so she’d be long gone before Waverly returned. It was only noon.
“Shit,” I whisper-yelled. It couldn’t be Waverly. She wasn’t supposed to be back for over an hour. Moving across the floor like a ninja, I made it to the door without making a sound and peeked through the peephole before letting my head drop.