Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything(78)

Maybe your spouse doesn’t want to eat healthier food right now, but he wants a tidier house. Start there. Remember this truth: Change leads to change. You start people on the path to change from the place they want to begin. As they build confidence and skills, they will open up to other types of changes, I promise. Don’t give up on changing how your family eats, but maybe your starting point isn’t what you’d thought. Perhaps you start by leading change for a tidier home, or any aspiration that you and your spouse share. Chances are your spouse will be energized by the positive changes and start coming up with habits of his or her own that are more aligned with what you wanted. Hey, I was thinking that maybe we should stop drinking so much soda.

If you can’t be the leader of change, don’t give up. Behavior Design and Tiny Habits are methods for changing together in any situation for any group. They offer a workable framework even if you’re not given the authority or support you need. After all, every group situation is unique—and group change, like individual change, is most successfully approached with a process, not a prescription.





The Ethics of Changing Others


A quick word on “changing others”—a concept that can make people feel a little nervous. First of all, we have to understand that we are influencing the behavior of others all the time, often without realizing it—that’s the nature of living in communities—and no one frets too much about that.

People often try to help a family member with a new eating program or a coworker with productivity issues. But if you challenge people to do something very difficult, they will probably fail, and this failure makes change harder in the future. My view is that the most ethical approach is to be mindful of our influence on others while using the best possible methods to help them.

When you use Behavior Design and Tiny Habits, you can be confident you’re setting people up to succeed.

When supporting other people in the change process, let my two maxims be your guide.



#1 Help people do what they already want to do.



#2 Help people feel successful.





If you are helping a spouse, a work colleague, your boss, your customers, or your kids do what they aspire to do, you’re likely on solid ethical ground. And it’s almost never a bad thing to help someone feel successful. Once you feel good about the change you want to help others implement, you’re ready to jump in.





How to Change Together


Earlier I specified two ways to change together that I’ll discuss in this chapter. I want to make these clear and memorable by giving them fun names. You could approach a group change either as the Ringleader or the Ninja.





THE RINGLEADER


As the Ringleader, you take the lead in helping your group change by sharing what you have learned about Tiny Habits and Behavior Design and acting together. This happens a lot in families or informally at work. You’re in the break room, talking about how to solve some intractable problem, and it hits you—we need to do a Swarm of Behaviors and a Focus Map! You explain the methods to colleagues, and the next day you all come to the table with the problem mapped out and ideas about creating change. Another way to be the Ringleader is to help others learn Tiny Habits and Behavior Design. Sharing this book is a simple and effective way to do that.

Or you could take a stealthier approach.





THE NINJA


As the Ninja, you sneak Behavior Design in subtly. Others in your family or group don’t even have to know you’re doing it. This was Mike’s approach with his son and the coffee maker. He didn’t tell Chris he was breaking down the steps and making them easier to do or that he was intentionally celebrating his wins—but it worked nonetheless. Using Behavior Design techniques like the Swarm of Behaviors or making a behavior easier can be used ad hoc to help others change—no need to make an announcement.

Whether you’re the Ringleader or the Ninja, you flow through the same steps outlined in this chart.



Steps in Behavior Design





Design Process for Group Change


While the methods you use to create change in a group are essentially the same as those for an individual, how you put those methods into practice can differ.





1. CLARIFY YOUR ASPIRATION TOGETHER


Behavior Design always begins with getting clear on your aspiration. This is your first step if you are designing a product, designing habits for yourself, or helping a group change together.





The Ringleader


If you’re helping your family change how they eat, you can propose an aspiration and see if people buy in by asking, “As a family we want to eat more fresh fruits and vegetables. Is that a good description of what we hope to achieve?”

On a business project, you might be given an outcome to achieve—increase sales by 20 percent next year—or you might be given a less specific aspiration—reduce employee stress. And there you have your starting point. As the Ringleader, get your team clear on what you all hope to achieve and make sure everyone understands it in the same way.





The Ninja


You don’t need to say you’re using Behavior Design to get the clarity you need. You can start right off with the objective.