Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything(74)

You can’t always redesign every single aspect of your world. You can’t redesign a movie theater so it doesn’t sell soda, and you can’t redesign a bar so it doesn’t offer cheap drinks during happy hour. And you probably can’t redesign your husband or colleagues so they stop offering you sugary snacks. (Wait. Maybe you can. But that’s another chapter.) But with the Behavior Design approach, there are multiple ways to loosen every knot. While every bad habit is unique, the approach to untangling them is the same—a concrete set of steps and techniques that are customizable to your specific situation. No guesswork needed—just a little curiosity and plenty of Shine.





The Beauty of Disruption


In the last chapter, we talked about the joy that comes with watching the natural growth and effects of the positive habits you create. I promise that you’ll be equally happy when you see the bad habits you’ve uprooted from your life lying on the compost pile. And while that’s a wonderful thing, what’s even more awe-inspiring (to me, at least) is what crops up in the new spaces that you’ve created in your life. When you get rid of unwanted habits, what rises to fill that space could be more time to devote to a passion project, greater productivity at work, the deepening of a relationship, or the expansion of a new identity. Some of what fills that space you will choose, and some of it will come from those around you.

Here’s a beautiful example.

A month after Juni untangled her sugar habit, she heard a sound filtering through a window from outside one afternoon. When she went to investigate, she discovered her eleven-year-old son, Elijah, sitting outside in the sun singing a song he had just made up about dolphins. Autistic and quiet, he had never sung before, at least not that she’d heard. When he looked up at her in the doorway, he smiled. As Juni walked over to join him, she had to hold back tears. She realized that had this occurred six months earlier she would have been sleeping on the couch crashed out from a day fueled by sugar. She would have missed hearing her son’s beautiful voice.

She could now sit beside him and encourage him to sing more, asking questions and telling him about how she used to sing, too.

When she told her husband how surprised she was at the change in their son, he reminded her that they had all changed in the last few months. It wasn’t a coincidence that her son had started singing, or that her husband had given up his lifelong soda habit. They had seen how much she was changing, how happy she was, and were inspired to change with her. Elijah flourished with more structure and attention, and idolized his mom. Juni had gone from celebrating a no-sugar meal to crossing the finish line at her second marathon in Austin, Texas. Everyone in her life, from her colleagues at work to her family and friends, were impacted in ways small and large by the changes she had made.

This was a gift and a side effect of all Juni’s hard work—one she had never imagined.



Behavior Design is not a solitary pursuit. Each behavior that we design, each change that we make, is another drop in the pond that ripples out. We shape our families, communities, and societies through our actions. And they shape us. The habits we create and perpetuate matter. This book has focused largely on how our behaviors matter to the individual, but that’s only part of the story. It’s not just about losing ten pounds or putting the phone down during dinner. Behavior Design is about creating change and venturing in the direction of our best selves. Yes, it’s for us. But it’s also for the people we love and the world we hope to create.

That’s why the next chapter may be the most important of all. It’s where we learn what it really means to change together.



Tiny Exercises to Practice Stopping and Swapping



You can do the exercises below in any order.





EXERCISE #1: PRACTICE CREATING A SWARM OF BEHAVIORS FOR STOPPING A BAD HABIT


Pick a bad habit you don’t have. Why? Because the exercise will be less threatening and you’ll probably learn more.



Step 1: Pretend you are someone else who has a bad habit.



Step 2: Draw the Swarm of Behaviors graphic or download the template from TinyHabits.com/resources.



Step 3: Write down this person’s general bad habit inside the cloud.



Step 4: Write down at least ten specific habits around the cloud. This will require some imagination.



Step 5: Look over your Swarm of Behaviors and pick two or three of the easiest specific habits to resolve.



Note: By creating an imaginary Swarm of Behaviors, you’ll build your skills. And when you apply this approach to a real challenge in your life, you will be more confident, less fearful, and more efficient.





EXERCISE #2: PRACTICE REMOVING A PROMPT FOR ONE DAY


Step 1: Pick a social media or sports app you use often.



Step 2: Go into the settings and turn off the notifications for that app.



Step 3: Watch what happens (and doesn’t happen) over the course of twenty-four hours.



Note: If you find your life is better without the notifications, leave them off. If it’s worse, turn them back on. In any case, you’ve learned something.





EXERCISE #3: PRACTICE SWAPPING A HABIT AND CELEBRATING TO MAKE IT STICK