Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything(72)
Set a shorter time period for stopping habit (stop smoking for three days instead of forever)
Do an unwanted habit for a shorter duration (watch TV for thirty minutes instead of four hours)
Do fewer instances of the unwanted habit (checking social media once a day rather than ten times)
Do the unwanted habit with less intensity (pace your drinking rather than downing shots)
Why does this scaling back work?
People are often conflicted about stopping a habit. Part of them wants to stop but another part doesn’t. By scaling back, you won’t freak out that part of yourself that wants to keep the habit. Let’s say you want to quit using Facebook but you’re scared of missing out on opportunities to connect with friends. Work with that tension by scaling back.
Tell yourself that you’re going to stop using Facebook for only three days. Your specific habit is now a variation: You might find that abstaining for a limited time is easier than trying to stop forever. And with that, you start succeeding and become open to a bigger change. During the three days of not checking Facebook, you might discover that giving it up wasn’t as difficult as you’d feared and that this change makes you feel good. Or you discover that stopping Facebook doesn’t make much of a difference in your life, so ending this habit is no longer a priority. Either way, you’re gaining skills and insight to make other changes easier.
If the above methods aren’t working, move to the next phase of the masterplan: swapping a new habit for an old one.
PHASE #3—DESIGN FOR SWAPPING A BEHAVIOR
Swapping out a bad behavior for a good behavior is a common approach, and many so-called experts will tell you to start here. But it’s not entirely true that the only way to stop a habit is to replace it. Many habits can be stopped by skillfully using the steps we’ve just walked through. But there are some habits where swapping may indeed undo whatever Gordian knot you’re working on. If you’ve explored the earlier masterplan phases first and nothing has worked—well, welcome to swapping land. You’ve arrived here systematically, which means you’re focusing on the right thing and that the time and effort you invest is much more likely to pay off.
Get specific to swap a habit
As you did in phase two, you need to get specific about the habit you want to stop and the new habit that will replace it, and it’s vital that you choose the new habit wisely. Otherwise, the swap won’t work. If you choose something new only because you think it’s “good for you,” the swap is probably going to fail. If you want to stop your habit of reading political news at work, you could try using that time to file paperwork, but that’s not likely to work. Why? Because the new habit of filing paperwork is much less motivating than reading the news and it’s harder to do physically and mentally. With both motivation and ability lower for the filing habit than the news habit, the replacement habit is doomed from the start. When swapping behaviors, you’ve got to bring your habit creation skills to bear in order to find a new habit that is easier to do and more motivating than the old one.
In this part of the masterplan, you match yourself with a new habit by using methods from chapter 2: Create a Swarm of Behaviors, then Focus Map the results to find a Golden Behavior.
Let’s say I walked through these steps for swapping out my news habit, what might success look like? For me, instead of reading news that raises my blood pressure, I could watch surfing videos. I would be motivated to do this because I love surfing and want to get more skilled. And watching videos is easier than reading. So I’ve found a new habit that will replace my old one. Success!
Here’s a quick reminder from chapter 2 about the three criteria for matching yourself with a Golden Behavior.
Impact: the behavior is effective
Motivation: you want to do the behavior
Ability: You can do the behavior
Now that you’ve matched yourself with a Golden Behavior, what’s next? Prompts.
Remapping prompts to swap a habit
Remapping the prompt means doing the new habit instead of the old one when you are prompted. Let’s say you want to stop snapping at your teenage daughter. That’s the old habit. The prompt is your irritation whenever she does something careless. The next time that happens, you replace snapping at her with a new habit of saying something sincerely positive.
The next night, she grabs a yogurt and forgets to shut the refrigerator door. You feel that familiar surge of annoyance, but this is now your prompt for a new behavior. Instead of snapping, “Shut the door, for the millionth time!” you might say, “I’m glad you’re eating a healthy snack.”
As you do this new habit, don’t forget to celebrate and feel intense Shine. This is a new habit you’re creating, so you’ve got to wire it in. After you praise her choice of a snack, you’ve got to feel that you just did something good for your daughter. Congratulate yourself for supporting her and being the kind of parent that you want to be. If she looks at you in total shock and smiles, then shuts the fridge door—that’s a win, too. (Though maybe that’s not the point!)
Troubleshooting Guideline: If you forget to do the new habit, then physically or mentally rehearse the swap multiple times and celebrate in order to connect the old prompt to the new habit.