Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything(58)
Learning about the Skills of Change will help you recognize and actively practice them. You don’t have to master every single skill to be proficient at changing your life. But the more skills you master, the easier and faster you can turn any aspiration into a reality.
SKILL SET #1—BEHAVIOR CRAFTING
Behavior Crafting is sort of an odd name, but it works. Behavior Crafting skills relate to selecting and adjusting the habits you want in your life.
In the previous chapters, you’ve already been working on Behavior Crafting even though I didn’t use that term. You have already learned how to:
Identify a lot of behavior options (chapter 2)
Match yourself with behaviors that will lead to your aspiration (chapter 2)
Make the behavior easier to do (chapter 3)
I hope you can see how far you’ve already come. Now I want to share a new skill that directly helps you go from tiny to transformative.
Knowing how many new habits to do at once and when to add more
The piano analogy works here as well. To get better on the piano, you need to practice songs. How do you decide which songs to practice and how long to practice them before adding a new tune to your practice routine? You could choose the challenging Fantaisie-Impromptu in C# Minor by Chopin and make sure you can play it perfectly before you focus on a new piece. (This would be a disastrous plan for most people.) Or you could add simple and fun tunes like “Itsy Bitsy Spider” to your repertoire each week. Or you could do something in between. Making this selection effectively is a skill.
A similar selection skill applies to your future habits. Knowing how many new habits to do at once and when to add more is a skill you build largely by diving in, trying stuff, and learning what works for you.
Here are some guidelines for Behavior Crafting.
Focus on what interests you. Some people enjoy cultivating lots of little easy habits. Other people like to tackle habits that are a bit more challenging. What seems most interesting and exciting to you? That’s what you should do. If you’re feeling lost, here’s the default: Start with three super easy habits—that’s what most Habiteers begin with—and add three new habits each month.
Embrace variety. The more variety you begin with, the faster you’ll learn this and other Skills of Change. Select some new habits that begin as Starter Steps—putting on your walking shoes. Select other habits that are scaled-back versions—flossing just one tooth. It’s also good to mix up the general theme—an exercise habit, a food-related habit, a productivity habit. Variety helps you learn more quickly what works best for you.
Stay flexible. If you want to create a list of the habits you want to eventually do, don’t get too rigid with your list. Your preferences and needs will change. Today you might put practicing handstands each morning on your list, but in six weeks you might not care about handstands. Be flexible as you progress and leave room for something new.
Adding Habits Naturally
When Sarika started building habits into her life, she started out with three. She began with turning on the stove burner (Starter Step), sitting on her meditation pillow for three breaths, and drinking a sip of water after she watered her plants. Her larger aspiration was to make her life more predictable so she could better control her medical condition and start incorporating more healthy lifestyle choices. Within a couple of weeks, she went from turning on the stove in the morning to cooking herself a full breakfast every day and eventually cooking all her meals—something that before had felt all but impossible. In order to bridge that divide, Sarika had to do a lot more than turn on the stove burner. So how did she get there? Let’s break it down by looking at the “knowing when to add habits” skill we’ve been talking about.
Once the turn-the-burner-on habit was automatic, Sarika added another habit by putting a pot of water on the burner. This was a natural and easy add-on, and other habits quickly followed—getting rice out of the cupboard, then milk from the fridge, then cinnamon from the cabinet. As Sarika got deeper into the cooking process, she realized that it was hard to cook in a messy kitchen. Last night’s takeout boxes and utensils cluttered her countertops—which got in her way when she was trying to make breakfast. This seemed like a natural place for the breakfast habit to multiply.
Sarika felt comfortable and confident enough to branch out. Her next move was to add an evening habit of cleaning off the counter closest to her stove so she’d have space in the morning. That wired in quickly because she felt successful, which made her eager to keep progressing even if that meant adding more steps to the process. Then that habit grew, and she started cleaning all the counters the night before. Then she started clearing out the sink and doing all the dishes because waking up to a clean kitchen was so nice. The cascading success of her habits and the natural shape of each behavior inspired Sarika to add more related habits to her initial Tiny Habit recipe.
I walked you through this process in detail to show you that the skill of knowing when to add more habits isn’t a strict formula. It can feel entirely natural. It’s not something you need to sweat too much. Start with a variety of habits—I suggest three—and watch what happens.
You know you’re doing the right thing if you feel optimistic and see forward movement. Sarika said that the experience was like swimming with the current. After years of waking up to a messy kitchen, skipping breakfast, and starting the day on a disappointing note, she couldn’t believe how easy the process was. She said it felt like something was lifting her up and propelling her along, so all she had to do was keep doing what she wanted to do.