Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything(63)
So what happened? Growth, obviously. But driving all this change was his ability to embrace a new identity. He let go of the idea that he was the type of person who was bad at exercise. Thanks to feeling successful with Tiny Habits, he saw himself in a new way.
Identity shifts are change boosters because they help us cultivate constellations of behavior—not just one or two habits here and there. This is important because most aspirations require more than one type of habit change. It’s a set of new habits that will get you where you want to be—especially in the areas of fitness, sleep, and stress.
The type of person who frequents McDonald’s and the type who shops at the farmers’ market exhibit different eating behaviors across the board. If you start eating like a person who goes to the farmers’ market, your brain begins guiding you in the direction of a coherent identity, and adding pumpkin seeds to your salad doesn’t sound like such a crazy thing anymore; it sounds natural. Shifting identity helps you consider other new habits you might not have thought of doing that will move you closer to your aspiration.
Successfully embracing an identity shift in one area often promotes change in other areas. Sukumar’s early success with exercise emboldened him to challenge the idea that he wasn’t a healthy eater, and he began to design eating habits more in line with the overall healthy person he was becoming. He cut his portion sizes for every meal and made small changes to his diet like switching from white to brown rice. This, too, became an identity that shifted—the healthier he ate, the healthier he wanted to eat. He would have said that he had a sweet tooth before, but months into his Tiny Habits journey, that wasn’t true anymore. The amazing part about this is that he didn’t tackle sugar directly. Losing his sweet tooth was a ripple effect from other changes he had intentionally made. Sukumar had attacked his sugar monster from behind.
He also used to think that he was a bad dresser, but he later realized that shopping without his paunch became a much more enjoyable and inspiring experience. When he looks in the mirror now, he feels sharp.
Sukumar was questioning his negative notions of self that had once seemed so solid—identities that had caused him pain and frustration. If he could change those parts of himself, the ones that had seemed set in stone, he reasoned that he could change anything he wanted. This sense of empowerment and optimism was the real transformation for Sukumar. He became more confident in all parts of his life, and he left the company where he’d been working for nineteen years to start his own business that uses Tiny Habits as a key component for enabling transformation in large organizations.
Okay, let’s get down to the nitty-gritty to build those identity-embracing skills that are so important.
Finish the sentence “I’m the kind of person who” with the identity—or identities—you’d like to embrace.
Go to events that gather people, products, and services related to your emerging identity. When I decided I wanted to get into fermented foods, I went to the local Fermentation Festival. I met enthusiasts who were more experienced than I was. I learned about new products. I attended a workshop where an expert showed us how to make sauerkraut. I bought gear to ferment foods. I came home with a much stronger identity about being the kind of person who eats—and even makes—fermented foods.
Learn the lingo. Know who the experts are. Watch movies related to the area of change you’re interested in. As I learned to surf, I looked up the lingo that described waves and started using it. I paid attention to big surfing events and watched videos of the most proficient people in the sport. I learned to understand the tide shifts and identify local landmarks that showed whether the tide was high or low. There is a volcanic formation in the ocean off of Maui that locals call the “dragon.” You can tell what’s going on with the tide by looking at the dragon. If his neck is exposed, it’s low tide. If only his head shows, then the tide is high.
Wearing T-shirts is a common way to declare your identity. Nike sends out T-shirts that say RUNNER. I wear T-shirts that have surfboards or show surf scenes. Because I surf more than one hundred times a year, I don’t feel like a poser; wearing that identity feels natural.
Update your social media page. Put a new profile picture up that conveys your emerging identity. (And see how people respond.) Revise your online bio. Post stuff related to your new identity.
Teach others or be a role model to galvanize your new identity. A social role is powerful.
Don’t Just Read This Book—Practice the Skills of Change
Don’t worry, you don’t have to learn all of the Skills of Change at once to make major strides. Nor do you have to adopt all of them (though I hope you do). But the more you learn, the more confident, efficient, and flexible you will be in making progress and transforming your life. It’s also helpful to know that a coach or teacher can do some of the skills for you. But you need a good one. And eventually you may learn these skills and do them on your own. But for some things, having a good coach makes a difference because (among other things) it reduces how many skills you have to master at the start.
Reading stories and guidelines about change is a good thing. But don’t stop there. You don’t learn to dance by reading about it; you don’t learn to drive a car by studying a manual. I’m thrilled you are reading my book, but please also apply my insights to your everyday life. You can practice change just like other skills you’ve learned. You will make mistakes, and that’s okay.