Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything(53)

Remember, our brains want to feel good. Celebrating small wins gives them something to repattern our life around. Linda told me that she has “retrained her brain to think positively as opposed to negatively.” Which is exactly right. Even in difficult situations, she now looks for small things that she can attach a positive emotion to through celebration. It helps her look for the good and focus on that instead of getting stuck in the negative. Amy did a similar thing in the last chapter when she flipped the script on her husband and used his negativity as a prompt for doing something positive. Because Amy had practiced celebrating so many other habits for all those months, her brain was primed to be on the lookout for the opportunity to feel good—even in unusual circumstances.

Little alarm bells might be going off in your head now. You see the words “positive” and “negative” and are getting a little twitchy. You’ve heard people say, “Think positively!” or “Find the silver lining!” And you might have rolled your eyes at this because if it were that easy, wouldn’t everyone see the glass half full? Yes, they would.

But let’s get one thing straight. What Amy did was not magical thinking. What Linda did was not a matter of snapping her fingers and putting a positive spin on things. Both of them went through a tried-and-true process, experimented with it, and found evergreen tools to call on when things fell apart. By hacking the reward center of their brains, they shifted their mindsets. It was a thoughtful, deliberate process that blossomed beautifully over time.

But this is by no means the end of Linda’s story.

By the fall of 2016, Linda felt herself circling the depression drain once again. Her husband’s Alzheimer’s had worsened, and he required care that they couldn’t easily afford. She felt so overwhelmed that she would put her head down on her desk at work and sob for about fifteen minutes every day. She felt daunted by having to get their finances under control while working and caring for her kids. So she’d allow herself to -cry (which, by the way, is a good thing). But eventually she’d say, “Okay, let’s get on with it.” And she would stand up and do a Celebration Blitz right there in her office. She’d spend three minutes tidying and celebrating—or if she needed a bigger lift, she’d do five minutes. It would blast her out of what she called her “pity party.” Having been through enough grief and loss to drown anyone, Linda had learned that you need to let yourself wallow in it sometimes but you can’t stay there.

The Celebration Blitz was a lifeline that she threw herself when she needed to drag herself out of the water. Linda did it most every day that fall, and every day she picked her head off her desk and moved forward. She made sure to focus on the fact that she was doing as much as she possibly could for herself, her family, and the people she taught every day as a Tiny Habits trainer. And she celebrated this—a skill she had cultivated and honed. And one that she wishes she had had when she was younger.

Linda’s story is harrowing, but the essence of it is very familiar. Teaching Tiny Habits, I have heard many stories where the core message is the same: The feeling of success is a powerful catalyst for change. Your confidence grows when you celebrate not only because you are now a habit-creating machine but also because you are getting better and better at being nice to yourself. You start looking for opportunities to celebrate yourself instead of berating yourself. Then, before you know it, something fundamental has changed. You used to believe that you were one type of person. Maybe the type of person who can’t stick to an exercise routine, like Mike. Or the type who is prone to leaving things a mess, like Jill. Or the type who can’t pick her head up off the desk because it is glued there by her own tears, like Linda. You didn’t think that there was much chance that you’d change. But over the course of weeks and months, these tiny, simple habits that you’ve woven into your life have changed the fabric of your world entirely. You have discovered that you have morphed into a different type of person, the type of person you never thought you’d be. The type of person who gets up before his kids to exercise and scares the postman with his Rocky impersonation. The type of person who brushes off the daily losses and actively celebrates the daily wins. The type of person who knows she can make almost any kind of change she wants.

That is the world-changing, life-altering power of celebration. And it very subtly and very effectively alters your life. The type of person you are now can become whatever type of person you want to be.



Tiny Exercises to Feel Shine



Earlier in this chapter, there are exercises to help you find your natural celebration. Be sure to do those exercises. It’s important.



Below are additional ways to find celebrations that can create authentic feelings of Shine for you.





EXERCISE #1: DIFFERENT MODES OF CELEBRATION


This exercise will help you find new ways to celebrate your tiny successes. Explore these options and see what works for you. If you need more inspiration, check out the appendix at the end of the book: “One Hundred Ways to Celebrate and Feel Shine.”





SONGS YOU LOVE


Think of a song that makes you feel happy, successful, and upbeat. Sing (or hum) part of that song as a way to celebrate your tiny successes.





PHYSICAL MOVEMENTS


Explore physical movements that help you feel happy and successful. This could include a fist pump, a short dance, or even an affirming nod of your head. Find a physical movement that helps you feel Shine and practice using that to wire in a new habit.