Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything(16)
4. MOTIVATING TOWARD AN ABSTRACTION DOESN’T YIELD RESULTS
We all want to be healthy. We all want to have more patience with our kids. We all want to feel fulfilled by our work. And our desire to achieve these aspirations is enduring. (Or at least it doesn’t change quickly.) This seems like a good thing, right? Yes, it is. An aspiration is an excellent starting point for changing your life.
Millions of people genuinely aspire to live healthier, less stressful, and more fulfilling lives. But here’s the problem: People often believe that motivating themselves toward an aspiration will lead to lasting change. So people focus on aspirations. And they focus on motivation. And that combo doesn’t produce results.
This misleading idea is pervasive. You’ve probably seen a well-meaning public-health poster in the doctor’s office that shows lots of colorful vegetables with the headline: EAT THE RAINBOW!
At first glance, you think: Yes, I need to eat better food. But then you’re not sure what practical steps to take. How much green and how much red? That means salad and apples, right? It can’t mean mint ice cream and red licorice, can it? You are motivated to “eat the rainbow,” but maybe you don’t know how. You may feel frustrated and end up being a little hard on yourself.
Dreams and aspirations are good things. So are public-health campaigns. But investing time and energy to motivate ourselves—or other people—toward an abstraction is the wrong move.
5. MOTIVATION IS NOT THE WINNING TICKET FOR LONG-TERM CHANGE
When it comes to changing their behavior for the better, people largely believe it’s mostly about personal agency and choice. People think that if they could only find the right motivator they would do the thing that they should do (which is usually an abstraction).
This unfortunate way of thinking puts the blame squarely on you and your ability or inability to motivate yourself. I want to change all that.
I want people to know that if they focus only on motivation they are ignoring two key components of what actually drives behavior—ability and prompt. Let’s say someone offers you a million dollars if you can immediately reduce your blood glucose to normal levels. A million dollars is pretty darn motivating, right? But can you reach this outcome immediately? Probably not. Motivation alone doesn’t get you there.
You can’t achieve outcomes or aspirations solely through high levels of motivation, which is the least predictable and reliable of the three components in my Behavior Model.
You’re not alone if you previously focused entirely on motivation. But now I hope you see that you can’t rely on motivation alone to create lasting change because you probably can’t sustain it and you might not be able to manipulate or design for it reliably. And I hope you see that this is not a character flaw. It’s human nature. You have to work around the Motivation Monkey’s traps instead, not stumble into them.
Outsmarting Motivation
Before we see how to outsmart the Motivation Monkey, let’s get one thing straight. I’m here to tell you that you should shoot the moon, daydream, or create a vision board. The more vividly you can picture what you want, the better. You usually have to know where you’re going in order to get there. Sandra and Adrian were not wrong to be excited and ambitious about their backyard. That was good. Same goes for you if you’re coming to this book with aspirations of starting your own business, saving for an early retirement, or winning a lifelong struggle with obesity.
Humans are dreamers by nature, so we’ve all got a few moon shots tucked into our back pocket at all times. But that’s often where they stay—in part because of the way we are tripped up by fickle motivation. So how do we pull our aspirations out of our pockets and start making them happen without relying on motivation?
First, let’s get clear on the difference between three things: aspirations, outcomes, and behaviors. When I teach boot camps and workshops on Behavior Design, one of the first things I ask people is what new behavior they wish to bring into their lives. This is what I hear.
“I want to reduce screen time.”
“I want to sleep better!”
“I want to lose 12 percent body fat.”
“I want to have more patience with my son.”
“I want to be more productive.”
And I say, “Great—I can show you how to make those wishes a reality. But those aren’t behaviors. Those are the aspirations you have or the outcomes you want to get.”
Aspirations are abstract desires, like wanting your kids to succeed in school. Outcomes are more measurable, like getting straight As second semester. Both of these are great places to start the process of Behavior Design.
But aspirations and outcomes are not behaviors.
Here’s an easy way to differentiate behaviors from aspirations and outcomes: A behavior is something you can do right now or at another specific point in time. You can turn off your phone. You can eat a carrot. You can open a textbook and read five pages. These are actions that you can do at any given moment. In contrast, you can’t achieve an aspiration or outcome at any given moment. You cannot suddenly get better sleep. You cannot lose twelve pounds at dinner tonight. You can only achieve aspirations and outcomes over time if you execute the right specific behaviors.