Through the Fire (Daughter of Fire, #1)(45)
“You will have to wait here,” he said. “It will be impossible for you to travel via the rings until you have been enchanted again.”
I nodded. The island was so tranquil that I didn’t mind staying there alone with my thoughts for a few moments. In the end, Aiden was barely gone five minutes before he came back and offered me a milkshake.
“It’s not much, but it will be sufficient to get you home.”
Even as he said the word “home” it struck me that I still didn’t think of the court that way. I wasn’t sure that I ever could.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
ONE MORNING—almost ten months to the day after Aiden had first brought me to the court—I went in search of Aiden.
It had been a while since we’d shared a quiet moment together alone. In the weeks prior, he’d been taking me out of the court more frequently, but we were so busy seeing the sights of Manhattan that we didn’t have a chance to just enjoy one another’s company. I figured a lunch date could change that.
When I reached his room, I knocked softly on the barely-latched door. Even though I had only struck the door gently, it was enough to make it silently swing open.
My gaze was instantly drawn to the other side of the room. The sight that greeted me held me captive. Against the wall, Aiden’s body was entwined tightly with one of the fairy maidens. She was a beautiful thing with vivid spring-green wings.
I recognized her as the one who had doted on him during our trip to the healing quarters all those months ago. Standing upright, his chest met hers as he held her against his bedroom wall.
In the seconds before I was able to turn away, I watched as his hands roamed her body and his lips caressed her skin. Beneath him, the girl tipped her head back with a sigh of pleasure. Behind her, apple-green wings spread wide against the pale blue wall. Her legs circled firmly around his waist as he bucked against her.
Although Aiden had always been honest about the possibility of him being with others, the reality of seeing it with my own eyes was a shock. Despite the initial blow of seeing the two fae wrapped tightly in one another’s embrace, my first thought wasn’t one of anger or jealousy. Instead, my initial thoughts had been that the way the girl’s wings were splayed beneath her was somewhat beautiful—almost reminiscent of a butterfly pinned to a board in a museum. In my heart of hearts, I honestly didn’t care that Aiden was with someone else.
If anything, I was relieved he wasn’t in love with me to the exclusion of all others.
I thought about a witty statement to let them know that I was there, something like, “Well, I can see you’re busy, so I’ll come back later,” but decided there was no need for it. I’d walk away silently because there was nothing to be gained by acting out against the pair of them. I wasn’t the jealous girlfriend, and I didn’t have it in me to pretend to play that role. Instead, I backed out of the room without a word or letting either of them see me.
Walking back to my room, I couldn’t shake the image of Aiden with his fae lover from my mind. The longer the image stuck with me, the more it concerned me, but not for the reasons I expected.
In my mind, the vision morphed. I no longer saw Aiden and Willow. Rather, Clay took the fae’s place in my head. In that instant, it was Clay’s hands roaming over the soft expanse of someone else’s skin. His lips caressing another’s throat. As that image assaulted me, jealousy built in my chest. I choked as my soul ached from the weight of the “what ifs” the horrid fantasy inspired. My heart thudded heavily against my ribcage as I did my best to fight the images.
Is he out there doing the same things I am—settling for any warm body pressed tightly against his? Or worse, could he have actually fallen in love with someone else while I’ve wasted my time at the court?
Even though the possibility of “one day” had always seemed so remote, in that moment I understood how desperately I wanted it. I wasn’t actually living with the fae. I was merely filling in time. My time with Aiden had been an interlude. As if someone somewhere had pushed a giant pause button on the reality of my life. But to what end?
My mind reeled as I walked down the hallways of the court back to my room. I owed it to myself to find the answers to all of my questions. Not only that, but I owed it to Clay—and to myself—to give up Aiden.
So long as I burned with jealousy over Clay with another girl, I couldn’t continue to take comfort from another set of arms. I was settling for second best and wasting the opportunity Clay had secured for me when he’d saved my life by walking away. By the time I reached my bedroom, my plan was set.
Nothing could change my mind.
I sat reading on my bed while I waited in my room during the nightly feast. When he discovered I was absent, Aiden would come to find me. After the time for dinner had passed, my wait grew anxious.
A soft knock told me he’d arrived. “Lynnie?” he called through the closed door.
“Come in,” I said, bracing myself for the conversation to follow.
“Is there something the matter?”
“Please sit.” I invited him to rest beside me by patting my bed. I needed to say everything I had to before I lost my nerve.
He sat next to me, placing his hands in his lap. His eyebrows knitted tightly together in concentration and confusion.
“Do you love me?” I asked, knowing that it wouldn’t change my decision either way, but it might change the approach I took to breaking the news to him.