This Close to Okay(85)
“Are you serious?” she asked before reaching out to him. Their lies, their mistakes, their anger dissolved into stardust and shimmered its way above them as they held each other.
“You’re too tired to drive.”
“I’m running on adrenaline at this point. I’ll keep the windows down, turn the music up,” she said. “And after everything, I’m being completely honest when I tell you I’m so glad I met you. I mean, life is short, clearly, but I want to live it. I was open with you, and you hurt me, but I don’t regret any of this.”
“I’m sorry I hurt you. I can’t say that enough.”
“And I’m sorry for not being up front with you.”
“I betrayed your trust after you were so kind to me,” he said.
“Yes. And I forgive you. That’s how forgiveness works. Do you forgive me?”
“Easiest thing I’ve ever done.”
“See?” she said. And after she nested herself inside the car she said, “Goodbye, Rye.”
“Goodbye, Tallie.”
He watched her drive until her taillights blurred, until she turned and disappeared.
*
Before he crashed in his old bedroom at his parents’, he looked at the picture of Tallie and the one of them together that she’d sent him, to make sure he hadn’t imagined it. He went through his backpack, pulling everything out and putting it in a pile next to the bed. The envelope of cash was in there, and he didn’t know how or when Tallie had snuck it back in. His parents stood in the doorway, not wanting to let him out of their sight.
(And there is something new: the postcard of Klimt’s The Kiss, slipped into the Bible behind Brenna’s purple-crayoned coloring-book heart.)
PART FIVE
TALLIE
In November and December, Tallie checked in with Rye often. Winter was hard, and she wanted to make sure he was okay. He always responded to say hi and ask how she was doing. They exchanged the same sort of texts, with Rye reminding her that she mattered, too.
happy thanksgiving!
Happy Thanksgiving!
how are you? how are your hands? not small talk. i really mean it. i always think of you, pray for you. tell me how you are pls.
I’m ok. My hands are fine. I appreciate you thinking of me. I think about you too. I hope you’re good.
i’m v good. talk anytime, ok?
Ok, I will. Thank you, Tallie.
*
merry christmas, rye. i know it’s brenna’s birthday. how are you? big talk!
Merry Christmas. Thank you for remembering. I’m ok. I love big talk.
*
are you taking care of yourself?
Trying my best. Heard One Direction yesterday and smiled. What have you done.
oh woooow! so proud of you. good boy!
Forever trying to impress you, good girl.
*
your feelings are just as important as everyone else’s.
So are yours. :)
*
He’d sent her recipes for his favorite ramen soup, the best spicy-hot chicken, and the cognac sauce for his steak. Occasionally in the middle of the night, she’d wake to a hi text from him, and she’d hi him back.
big hearts in my eyes when you reach out first! forgive my therapist-talk but honestly, it’s so reassuring. feels significant, so i let it in!
Let it in, let it in. Glad to hear it. And all right then…consider it meticulously noted. :) Btw, I told my new therapist he reminds me of you. A good thing. A really good thing. Thanks again for helping me find him.
oh wow i’m so stoked to hear this! he’s a gem and so are you. a perfect match!
You’re the gem.
jsyk, i miss you.
Just so YOU know, I miss you too.
i like you, Rye.
I like you too, Tallie.
*
And sometimes.
are you ok?
Close.
*
Tallie told her family just enough about Rye, letting them look up his case for themselves. She let them know he’d been trying to start fresh: that was why he’d called himself Emmett and lied about where he was from. Lionel said he didn’t care what his name was; he was his buddy for life after saving him. And her mom swore she’d thought it was him but didn’t want to say anything. As if she could ever keep her mouth shut about something as huge as Tallie hanging out with a guy who’d been accused of murdering his family. But it bothered Tallie very little, her mom claiming that. She was determined to go easier on her.
After love, forgiveness is the strongest glue holding every family together.
*
In the new year, TLC Counseling Services added two more therapists, and Tallie stayed busy with work, coming home to her house at night tired and satisfied. Some evenings she came home to Nicodemus Tate bundled up, sitting on her porch in the cold or in his white Jeep, waiting for her. They’d go inside and make dinner. Make love in her bed before falling asleep and wake to have their coffee together in the morning before going to work.
She and Nico had fallen together completely, Tallie finally admitting to herself and to him that yes, he was her boyfriend. She’d told him everything about Rye, even the embarrassing parts. She told him that she and Rye were kissing when Lionel’s costume caught fire.