This Close to Okay(87)

She knew from their last texts that Rye had moved to Nashville and liked his job at the restaurant where he cooked. Also, he’d met a woman. Tallie’s stomach had tickled with surprise and jealousy, but she told him she was happy for him and meant it. Then Rye went radio silent. She wrote him about Florence and the food and the art attack she had when she finally saw David—how her heartbeat quickened and she felt like she was floating, how they stood there for hours with Nico reminding her to take breaks, to close her eyes when she needed to, to stay hydrated; how he put the oyster crackers from her bag into the cup of her hand one by one, reminding her to eat them—but Rye hadn’t responded. And she’d sent him a picture Zora had emailed her. A photo someone had taken of her and Rye at Lionel’s Halloween party: Mulder and Scully, embracing on the patio. They were smiling and unaware of the camera, lost in each other’s eyes.

She’d tracked down what she thought was his parents’ phone number, but it’d been disconnected. She searched Google in vain, not finding anything new. She reread article after article about his trial because it made her feel closer to him. She missed her friend and continued texting him, even when he didn’t respond.

hey rye remember it’s ok to let ppl take care of you. this is exactly what you would say to me.

you matter.

i hope things are ok. i miss you and think abt you a lot. so do the cats. say hello to nashvegas.

lionel called you “my mysterious superhero” friend the other day. he’s right! he asks abt you. he’d love for you to call him!

did you ever finish prisoner of azkaban? give me yr address so I can send you a copy?

heard sam cooke today and thought of you. it was raining too. you’d be so proud of my gutters!

happy birthday rye! sending you love! <3



*



happy halloween eve, rye! sunday afternoon in louisville at the speed art museum tomorrow? a few days late, but we could celebrate your birthday! one o’clock? by the brancusi, you can’t miss it. we could make buttermilk roasted chicken.

and only if you felt up for it, we could drop by lionel’s party? he’s still having it, of course. he’s unstoppable. but i won’t make you put on a costume, i PROMISE! everyone would just like to see you.

also! i have a surprise for you. please come?

easy heart.

don’t dream it’s over.

tender loving care.

pls talk to me.

i also want to say this bc you are my friend: i love you. i do. i love you, rye and i care abt you.

rye, pls?



She left him a voice mail, too, and obsessively checked her phone for the rest of the day, praying for a response.





RYE




Dear Mom and Dad,

It’s time and this is goodbye. I’m sorrier than you know about having to write this. I don’t want to write this. I don’t want to do this. I’m so tired and nothing is working. I miss Christine too much. I miss Brenna too much. And nothing I can do will fix that. Except this. If I do this, maybe I can start over somewhere in the afterlife. Try again. I don’t want to do this. I love you both so much. I can’t express how much. You’ve never stopped being there for me and I know you never will. This shatters me and my heart is already irreparably broken. I want you to know how much I love you and how much I will miss you when I’m gone and the rest of the money is in my closet. Top right corner under my yearbooks.





From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: i still care about you too

Tallie, Ben told me about Lionel’s accident. I tried calling. How bad is it?? Please let me know how he’s doing? I’m thinking of flying down there.





From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: i still care about you too

Hey Joel. This is Rye Kipling. I’m deleting this email account, but I wanted to say I’m sorry for any trouble I caused. And to reassure you that your secrets are safe with me. What you wrote about Lionel and the woman in NYC, what you wrote about him knowing about you and Odette. Tallie never saw that stuff and I’ll never tell her. There’d be no point. Again, I’m sorry. I don’t know how else to end this except by saying that.





From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: i still care about you too

I appreciate it.



Rye had been admitted to a psychiatric hospital in Nashville for a short stay after his return to Bloom. The psychiatrist his parents had found thought it best for him to have focused treatment, and Rye went willingly. After being released, he made his new home there in Nashville, cooking at a trendy new restaurant that served food on cutting boards and had more than twenty locally brewed beer options. Hipsters, tourists, industry insiders, and country music lovers kept the place popping, more than happy to spend fifteen dollars on a tiny bowl of slow-cooked collard greens and bacon.

His parents visited him often. Hunter and Savannah came to town, too. Rye held their daughter and spoke softly over her, listening and retelling them everything about Tallie and the Halloween party. How the weekend changed his heart.

Hunter and Savannah’s baby girl was Daisy Christine.