The Survivors(98)

‘Yeah –’ She started to smile but was forced to stifle a yawn, covering her mouth as they both laughed. ‘God, I’m sorry. I am so tired. But yes, definitely.’ She smiled at him, for real this time. ‘I think we should, too.’

‘We could do it soon, when we get home. Don’t you reckon? This autumn or something, before it gets too cold.’

‘That sounds nice. Get Audrey a little bridesmaid’s outfit.’ Mia leaned in, put her hands on either side of his face and kissed him gently. ‘Let’s do it. It’d be really good. I’d love it.’

‘I would too,’ Kieran said. ‘It’d be great.’

They looked at each other for a long minute, grinning. Even Brian looked happy.

‘Do you think anyone would come?’ Kieran said, looking from his dad to the quiet house.

‘You mean your mum? She’ll come.’

‘Really?’

‘She will,’ Mia said. ‘She’s hurt right now. And maybe she hasn’t handled all this as well as she could have, but if she didn’t love you, you’d have found out for sure twelve years ago.’

Kieran sat for a moment, thinking about that.

‘It’s so weird, isn’t it? How one thing can change so much,’ he said. ‘If that storm had fizzled out at sea, or hit a few kilometres further up the coast, who knows what would have happened? Or wouldn’t? Finn would probably still be here. Dad would still be like this, I guess, but these last few years wouldn’t have been the same at all. Change that one day and everything would have been different.’

‘That’s true.’ Mia’s voice was soft in the night. ‘But maybe not all the changes were for the worse. Sometimes I think what happened to Finn –’ She paused. ‘I’m not for a minute saying that was a good thing, of course not. But you’re right. It did change your life, but I’m not sure it was in the way you sometimes think it was.’ She was lit up by the glow spilling from the house. ‘Honestly, Kieran, I think it made you a better person. Kinder, definitely. More aware of other people, more conscious of your actions.’

Kieran looked at her and she shrugged.

‘You have changed since back then.’ Mia nodded at their sleeping daughter. ‘Because if you hadn’t, if you were the same person now as you were when the storm hit, there’s no way the three of us would be together.’

Audrey snuffled and stirred a little in Brian’s arms. Kieran watched her, imagining for a second that different world and a different life. He reached out for Mia.

‘That would be no good at all.’

‘Honestly?’ Mia reached back. ‘The old you wouldn’t even care.’

Kieran woke up in the middle of the night instantly certain of something, but something that vanished as soon as he opened his eyes. He lay there staring at the ceiling, listening for the summoning cry from the cot, but for once all he could hear was the gentle wheeze of Audrey’s breath as she slept on. He could feel Mia warm and still beside him.

Kieran closed his eyes again, waiting for either the thought or sleep to return. Neither did and as the pre-dawn blue seeped in and Audrey’s breaths grew less steady and more alert, he scooped her out of her cot, grabbed his towel and board shorts and crept through to the kitchen.

Verity was already there.

She was sitting at the table with a single light on and a photo album open in front of her. She hadn’t joined them for dinner the night before, despite both Kieran and Mia knocking on the bedroom door. In the end they had left a plate of food outside in the hall, which had remained untouched until they went to bed. Brian, though, perhaps sensing his moment to rise to the occasion, had been surprisingly compliant and all four, including Audrey, had sat and eaten together for what Kieran thought could be the last time in that house. A little hushed, a little different from how any of them had expected their family to be, but together nonetheless. Kieran had watched Audrey with Brian, the two of them smiling at each other in an instinctive and reflexive display of love. Life going on, like it or not.

Verity looked up from that same kitchen table now as Kieran hovered in the doorway.

‘Mum –’

‘Kieran, I am so sorry.’ Her voice was quiet.

‘Me too.’

Verity’s eyes dropped back to the photo album. The page was open to the instantly recognisable image of Finn and Toby, taken on the day they launched the Nautilus Black, champagne and smiles on the dock.

‘I felt so angry,’ she said. ‘With you.’

‘I know. I am sorry.’

‘I don’t feel that way now.’ Verity lifted her head to face him. ‘Whatever I said yesterday. I really don’t. What happened to Finn wasn’t your fault. Timings or no timings, I’ve always known that. They would have gone out there for anyone in the water when that emergency call came in. In the same situation, Finn would always have made that choice.’

‘It wasn’t anyone in the water, though,’ Kieran said. ‘It was me.’

‘It happened to be you, but that still doesn’t make it your fault.’

Verity beckoned for him to sit down and Kieran pulled out a chair. He could see the photo in front of her. The scene was familiar, but up close he could tell it wasn’t the same shot that had hung as a memorial in the Surf and Turf all those years ago, or even the one that he’d found while he was cleaning out the living room. It was yet a third variation, Finn and Toby turned a little more one way or the other, their smiles caught a split second earlier or later. Minor details, Kieran thought. Not enough to make a real difference. The picture still captured Finn at his happiest.