The Survivors(99)

‘And I don’t know what I can say about that backpack,’ Verity said quietly. ‘Other than that Finn was a good man. I know he was. But us losing him wasn’t your fault, Kieran, and I should have said that years ago. It was a terrible accident, and that’s all it ever was.’ She raised her eyes. ‘I hoped you understood that, but I should have made sure you did.’

‘Thank you.’

‘Actually, no. Even that’s not completely true,’ Verity said suddenly. She ran her thumb over Finn’s photo. ‘I knew you felt responsible. And I let you. There’s no excuse for that. But God, I was just so sad, Kieran. And I was angry with Brian for not coping. I felt like I couldn’t say how hard I was finding it, because he was always struggling enough for the both of us. But we never really blamed you, Kieran. You should know that. We just wanted Finn back.’

‘I am really sorry, though.’ Kieran’s throat and chest felt tight. ‘I wish things had been different.’

‘They could have been different.’ Verity looked down at the photo once more, then turned the page. ‘We could have lost both of you that afternoon. But you’re here, with Mia and Audrey. I still have you, instead of just memories of both my sons stuck in a photo album. And I’m grateful for that every day.’

Kieran leaned over and hugged her, Audrey’s little body solid and warm between them. Verity hugged him back and for the first time in a long time, he felt like she meant it.

‘I heard you talking before about leaving early,’ she said as he pulled away. ‘Please don’t. Not if you don’t want to.’

‘Thanks. I’ll talk to Mia. Either way, it’s good to be here now.’ He could feel the boxes by his feet under the table. He hesitated. It was worth one more try. ‘Move to Sydney, Mum. We can find somewhere up there for Dad. It will make no real difference to him, and it would make a big difference to you. And to us.’

He braced himself for the standard barrage of excuses, but to his surprise Verity reached out and stroked Audrey’s hand. ‘You don’t think I’ve left everything too late?’

‘I really don’t.’ Kieran shook his head. ‘It’s not too late.’

‘No?’ Verity let Audrey’s fingers wrap around her own. ‘Well, maybe it’s not, then.’

Twenty minutes later, Kieran was out on the beach as the sun crept up over the horizon. Audrey lay fed and warm in her sleeping bag on the sand while Kieran ploughed through the waves. For once, he found he was simply enjoying it.

When he got out, his mind felt clearer than it had in a while. He sat on the beach next to Audrey and together they watched the early-morning sunlight glint gold on the water. Audrey smiled as a seagull waddled closer and Kieran took out his phone from under his towel and snapped a couple of photos.

He shielded the screen from the growing glare and scrolled between the pictures, trying to decide which was the best one to send to Mia. Back and forth, back and forth. It didn’t matter. They were almost identical.

Kieran’s thumb stopped against an image. The nagging feeling was back. The subtle, slippery one that had plagued him yesterday at the beach and last night as he spoke to George Barlin. The one that had woken him. The same one, he realised now, that had hovered almost imperceptibly in the early morning dark of the kitchen as he’d joined Verity at the table.

Kieran almost had it. For a single moment, he had almost caught it as he sat there on the beach. What was it? He made himself concentrate. Verity at the table. The photo of Finn and Toby and the Nautilus Black. That felt close somehow. What was it about those photos? Variations he had seen so many times over the years. Similar, but not the same.

And, all of a sudden, there it was.

Kieran stood up abruptly, startling Audrey.

‘Sorry,’ he said as her face crumpled. ‘Sorry.’

He picked her up and held her in his arms. He rocked her gently as the thought that had been bothering him – the fluid, flowing pull at the edge of his consciousness – grew solid and took shape. At last, Kieran could grasp it and examine it, as he stood on the beach and looked out at the ocean, a realisation dawning with the light.





Chapter 36


Kieran stopped on the back verandah just long enough to brush the sand off himself and Audrey. He let them into the hallway, hurrying now, but paused at the bedroom door. He looked in. Mia’s side of the bed was already empty, the covers thrown back.

In the kitchen, Verity’s coffee mug was rinsed and drying on the rack and the door to his parents’ room was shut. Kieran stood in the hall, debating. From the bathroom opposite he could hear the sound of the shower running. He knocked on the door and waited. When there was no answer, he checked the time and tried again. The water continued to run.

Kieran looked at Audrey. ‘All right, little one.’ He took her back through to the bedroom and laid her carefully in her cot. ‘I’ve got to go, but someone will be out soon. Shout if you need anything.’

Audrey looked very much like she was planning to do exactly that as Kieran scribbled a note and left it on the kitchen table. He grabbed his shirt and shoes from the hall and pulled the back door closed behind him.

He went the beach way, which had always been the fastest. There was no movement around Fisherman’s Cottage now, but the house still had a different feel as he passed. A dull emptiness. Bronte’s window, where Kieran could picture her standing as she listened for noises in the night, was blank. The foreshore was bare now. Someone had removed the decaying flowers from near the shallows where her body had been found. The sea had washed clean any sign she had ever been there.