The Psychopath: A True Story(59)
I am immensely proud of all my children and their achievements. None of them have exhibited any issues with regards to their father, other than Robyn’s anxiety which is as much to do with her own father as to do with her stepfather. My decision to be honest and open with them from the beginning appears to have been the right thing to do. It let them talk about the situation, ask questions and discuss what happened without any bitterness or anger. It allowed me to share with them what I learnt about his disorder to help them understand what they had experienced.
I decided to try dating again now that the children were older; I thought it would be interesting to explore the idea. I joined a dating app and put myself on the line again. I talked to a couple of people but mostly they were looking for ‘sexting’ or ‘just a quickie’, so they were quickly blocked. Then I started talking to a straightforward guy who seemed interested in an actual relationship. We agreed to meet for coffee and I thought long and hard about what to tell him about Will Jordan, my book and my career in talking about psychopaths. It’s a hard one. I can imagine the conversation.
‘So what do you do?’
‘I’m an author.’
‘Oh, really? What have you written?’
‘A true crime memoir, called The Bigamist.’
That then spirals down into questions about the story and an explanation that my ex was a psychopathic con man who actively impregnates women to rip them off for money.
I have no embarrassment or difficulty in telling my story, however when it comes to dating there are two things that I imagine will happen. Firstly, if they find out before they get to know me, they might think that I am completely broken and an emotional wreck and so won’t want to date me. Alternatively they might see that I am emotionally strong and secure, and then worry that if they mess up I might write a book about them and ‘out’ them to the world at large! If I don’t tell them what really happened to me, I would have to think up some other story to tell them, and then isn’t that lying? I play it down sometimes, and when people ask me the question ‘So what do you do?’, I tell them about the business I started and have built up over the past ten years. ‘I am a publishing consultant, working with children and adults to help them become published authors.’
That takes us on a much lighter note and is fine for networking but feels only half true.
So when I was meeting this chap for a coffee date I decided I would tell him about the book and my experiences – but not immediately. I would see if I liked him first and decide later.
We met up for coffee in early February 2019 at a grand hotel. The lounge room was lovely – comfortable armchairs and autumn colours with a crackling fire in the fireplace. There was only us and one other couple on the other side of the room. He and I chatted for an hour or so, and it was very easy-going and comfortable. I rather liked him. He wasn’t overly charming, seemed to be interested without being too intense.
Then something random happened.
As the other couple got up to leave, the woman came up to me and said, ‘I recognise you – aren’t you Mary Turner Thomson?’
‘Yes,’ I replied.
‘I loved your book,’ she said, ‘The Bigamist. I think you are an amazing woman. Such an ordeal to go through and you really opened my eyes to sociopaths. It helped me understand some of my past experiences.’
After I’d thanked her, she left quite quickly. I then turned back to my companion and realised by the quizzical look on his face that the choice whether to tell him or not had just been taken away from me. So I told him my story in brief. He seemed remarkably unconcerned and a bit disinterested by it (which was quite refreshing) and we carried on chatting about other things, including his telling me about his ex-wife and the trips they used to take on cruises, the motorbike he was buying and how proud he was of his grown-up son. We talked for three hours! At the end of the date he gave me a kiss on the cheek and asked for another date the next weekend. I decided to give it a go and said yes.
A few days later I got a horrible cold and was in bed for a couple of days. I texted back and forth and told him I was sick and had to cancel work for a few days and he seemed very sympathetic. On Valentine’s Day, five days after our first date, he texted me a Valentine’s card in the morning to which I responded. Then that evening, he texted me to say that he was ‘calling an end to it’ because I was not flirting enough and didn’t seem interested in him. I have no idea where that came from and just messaged him back saying that was fine and ‘just as a suggestion, maybe give the next girl a bit more time before coming to that conclusion, as a few days is really not enough time to gauge that.’
He texted me with comments making out that I was to blame for something and seemed to want me to argue or persuade him to change his mind. As far as I was concerned, it was done from the moment I read the words in his text.
I was perfectly pleasant to him (after all, we had only had one date and I was not emotionally involved yet). As far as I am concerned, I deserve someone who is prepared to put in a bit more effort than that. He got a bit nasty, accusing me of being unreachable, to which I replied, ‘Well, next time it might be an idea to give a girl time to get to know you and even go on the second date before “calling an end to it” before either of you has had any time to explore “it”.’
The next day he texted me with a cheerful note saying, ‘How are you doing; what have you got on today?’