The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue (Guide #1)(55)
“I think the words you’re looking for are Thank you for another fun night, Cash or Thanks for pulling the sticks out of our asses, Cash,” the actor teased.
“You call that fun?” Mo asked. “I was tripping balls all night waiting for those coyotes to show up! I thought I was going to have a heart attack!”
Cash chuckled and gazed at the group like a proud father.
“You’ll laugh about it one day,” he said. “Now we should get going. The Triple A guy showed up about fifteen minutes ago. There isn’t a gas station for miles, so he has to tow the car to the nearest one. Friendly warning—he smells like cheese.”
The gang helped one another to their feet and said good-bye to High Tydes. They sluggishly emerged from the gates looking and feeling like the cannibals Mo had warned them about the day before.
A very heavy and hairy Triple A serviceman hooked the station wagon up to his tow truck and hauled their vehicle southward to the nearest gas station. Topher, Joey, Sam, and Mo shared the backseat of the truck while Cash braved their driver’s fumes in the front. Once High Tydes was a good distance behind them, the seriousness and guilt of their recent choices faded away, too, and the Downers Grove quartet couldn’t look at one another without laughing.
“How much did our detour derail our trip?” Joey asked. “Are we totally screwed or lightly screwed?”
“Actually, it doesn’t ruin anything,” Topher said. “We left our first day in California open just in case we ran into any problems on the road. I got insurance on all the tickets and hotel rooms, so we can just push everything back a day.”
Of them all, Cash was most relieved to hear it. “Sorry I’m what caused the push,” he said. “From now on, I’m not recommending anything else. I got my two stops out of the way, so let’s just stick to the plan you guys created.”
It was the first time the actor had shown any remorse—ever—but it was hard blaming him. Sure, they didn’t get to ride any of the attractions they had hoped, but they hadn’t left the park shy of a thrill.
“I mean, it wasn’t all terrible,” Mo confessed—fighting off a smile.
“We’re definitely going to get stories out of this trip,” Sam said.
“Yeah, just not the ones we were planning,” Topher said.
The tow truck ventured through Kansas, but there wasn’t a building in sight, let alone a gas station. The serviceman listened to a crude and conservative radio host the entire way, which was easy for the others to tune out until he started a particular segment.
“That’s enough about how Democrats are destroying our democracy,” the host said. “Let’s move on to a topic people tragically care about more in our society—Hollywood gossip! I’m not sure any of my listeners watch the show Wiz Kids, I think it’s the dumbest thing to hit television since Cop Rock, but apparently it’s been a huge hit for nine seasons now.”
Topher, Joey, Sam, and Mo sat straight up in their seats and leaned closer to the radio—worried where this was going. Cash just turned his head to the radio like he was casually listening to a weather report. The serviceman noticed their interest and turned up the volume.
“Well, there’s this video circulating on the Internet of the lead actor, twenty-two-year-old Cash Carter, passing out at a concert in St. Louis on Sunday night. In case you’ve missed the video, it’s up on our website, but it’s been getting so much attention I don’t know how you’ve managed to not see it somewhere. A representative of the actor released a statement yesterday claiming he was experiencing dehydration and is feeling much better. Which, I’m sorry, is complete bull! Watch the video and you’ll see the guy is clearly wasted or on drugs!”
The four in the backseat were so uncomfortable they held their breath as if the radio speakers were spewing toxic chemicals.
“Can we change the station?” Topher asked.
“Not yet,” Cash said. “I want to hear what he says.”
“With the amount of money Cash Carter makes and the kind of fame he has, you’d think he would try really hard not to do anything to jeopardize his public image. You’d think he would try really hard to never make a fool of himself and embarrass all the young people looking up to him. Unfortunately, we all know none of these Hollywood types think that way. I mean, why take responsibility when you have a dozen publicists lying for you? Why change your lifestyle when everything is handed to you? Why take anything into consideration when it’s more fun to be a careless and spoiled little brat? Cash Carter is another example of someone with too much wealth, too much attention, and not enough intelligence to appreciate it. He should be ashamed of himself, but we should be ashamed of ourselves for sensationalizing this kind of behavior. We’ll be right back with more after this—stay tuned.”
The host’s defamatory rant was replaced with a commercial for the local county fair. The others were ready to defend Cash’s honor, but the actor never gave them any indication he wanted them to.
“Those are some strong opinions about a guy he’s never met,” Cash said.
“Gotta say I agree with him, though,” the serviceman said. “Privileged little prick. All those Hollywood actors are just alike. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’ll be part of that twenty-seven club.”