The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue (Guide #1)(45)

“Tuesdays and Thursdays at the San Diego LGBT Community Center,” he said.

Joey couldn’t believe his luck. Of all the people to meet online, he had found a person who wouldn’t take advantage of him. Brian put some cash on the counter and stood to leave.

“Drinks are on me,” he said. “Take care of yourself, Jay.”

“Actually, it’s Joey,” he said. “And are you sure you don’t want to take me back to your place? You’d make an awfully decent memory.”

Brian laughed. When no one was looking, he quickly leaned down and kissed Joey on the lips.

“There,” he said. “At least you got something out of the way. Good night.”

Joey watched Brian go in total silence as he came down from the high of his first kiss. Sure, he didn’t get what he wanted, but at least he’d leave the bar a little more of a sinner than a saint.

“Hey, Romeo! How was your date?”

Joey turned toward the voice and saw Cash Carter sitting in a booth in the very back. The actor had a huge grin and gave him a thumbs-up.

“Oh no.” Joey gasped. “How long have you been sitting there?”

“The whole time,” Cash said.

Joey had never been more mortified in his life. All the blood in his body rushed to the pit of his stomach. He covered his face with his hands, but nothing could shield him from the intense overexposure. The night he had been dreaming about since yesterday morning had quickly turned into a nightmare.

“He seemed like a nice guy. Too bad he wouldn’t put out.”

Joey hurried to his table and slid into the seat across from him.

“Please don’t tell the others about this,” he begged. “I know I lied to you in the car, and I’m sure there might be some satisfaction in calling me out on it, but I’m not ready for anyone to know.”

Joey acted like he was begging for his life instead of asking someone to keep a secret.

“It’s all good, man,” Cash said. “I’m not going to tell anyone. I understand why you want to keep it from your family, but why not tell your friends? They seem open-minded enough to handle it.”

“I just don’t want to risk it, okay?” Joey said. “If word ever got back to my parents—well, I don’t know what would happen. They’d probably disown me or ship me off to some facility where they shock the gay out of you. It’s just better for everyone if I keep it to myself.”

“Mm-hmm.” Cash grunted. “Is that also why you’re going to Oklahoma Baptist University for performing arts? Because it’s better for everyone?”

“What are you getting at, Cash?”

“Dude, you’re bending over backward to please the people you’re never going to get approval from,” Cash said. “I know because I’m guilty of it, too, and it’s a total waste of time. It’s like when I spend my days off doing favors for television critics. No matter how many head shots I sign or videos I record for their bratty kids, it isn’t going to make them review my projects any better or write good things about me in their recaps.”

“No offense, but I think pleasing my family and pleasing a bunch of critics is totally different,” Joey said.

“Sorry—it was just the first example I could come up with,” Cash said. “Your whole world is going to open up once you get out from under your dad’s thumb. Don’t you remember that whole It Gets Better thing the Wiz Kids cast participated in?”

Cash was trying to help, but it was only making Joey angrier by the second.

“You Hollywood people are so full of shit,” Joey said. “You act like all our problems can be solved with a catchphrase or a hashtag—like our lives actually get easier if we see a bunch of celebrities with matching T-shirts in a PSA.”

“Dude, I’m just trying to sympathize with you,” Cash said. “I know what it’s like to—”

“No you don’t, Cash!” Joey yelled. “You don’t know what it’s like to feel ashamed every time you have a physical attraction! You don’t know what it’s like to have most of the planet think you’re a pervert, a demon, or mentally ill! You don’t know what it’s like to live in a country with judges and cabinet members that think you belong in jail! You don’t know what it’s like to know the people you love the most would never love the real you! You’ll never know any of those things, so don’t pretend you do!”

Joey had to catch his breath and recover from the outburst like he’d just run a marathon. He had been so successful at hiding his anger, he didn’t realize there was so much inside him. Once it started pouring out, Joey couldn’t stop it, as if Cash had put the final crack in the dam around his heart.

“Feel better?” Cash asked.

“I’m so sorry,” he said. “I’ve—I’ve—I’ve never said those things to anyone before. I don’t think I’ve even said them to myself.”

“I was worried the furniture was going to start levitating,” Cash said. “You’re right, though. I don’t know what any of that is like. But I do know what it’s like to feel trapped and too afraid to do anything about it.”

“How so?” Joey asked.

“Agoraphobia,” Cash said.