The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue (Guide #1)(23)

The Davis family formed a circle around their coffee table, joined hands, and closed their eyes. Noah and Peter always played a game of who could kick the other the hardest without getting caught whenever their father led them in prayer—a game Matthew and Jeb Jr. invented when they were kids.

“Dear Heavenly Father,” the pastor began. “We’d like to take a moment on this beautiful Sunday morning to thank you for all you have blessed us with. We thank you for our home, we thank you for our family, and we thank you for allowing us to share your glorious word.”

Whenever Joey prayed, he always imagined God as Ian McKellen lounging on a cloud and listening to the receiver of a golden rotary phone. He wondered if God appreciated all the gratitude in his father’s prayers or if he ever thought, Just get to the point, you little kiss-ass!

“Heavenly Father, you’ve provided us with so much to be thankful for and we come to you now with a humble request,” the pastor went on. “Please watch over Joseph as he embarks on a cross-country road trip with his friends Christopher Collins, Samantha Gibson, and Moriko Ishikawa—”

“Yeah, Daddy!” said a loud, breathy voice.

The Davis family unanimously opened one eye and glanced at one another, but none of them knew where the voice had come from.

“What was that?” Mary asked.

All three of her sons shrugged and Pastor Jeb continued his prayer.

“Heavenly Father, we ask you to keep Joseph and his friends from harm’s way and shield them from any hidden dangers on the road. Please give them the wisdom to make smart, responsible, and safe choices. May the fear of disobeying your word prevail over the temptations of sin. Allow him to return a better, a wiser, and a more holy man than today—”

“Yeah, Daddy!” the mysterious voice sounded again.

“Boys, electronics off when your father is speaking to the Lord,” Mary reprimanded. “You know the rules.”

“My Game Boy is upstairs!” Peter said.

“So is mine,” Noah said. “It must be coming from Joey’s phone.”

“My phone doesn’t make sounds like that,” he said.

Joey pulled his phone out of his pocket just to be certain. As soon as he saw the screen his eyes doubled in size. He was wrong—it was coming from his phone.

“Yeah, Daddy! Yeah, Daddy!” the breathy voice moaned as two new notifications appeared.

Faster than lightning, Joey switched his phone to airplane mode and shoved it back into his pocket before anyone in his family could see it.

“Joseph, what was that?” Mary asked. “Why was your phone making such a provocative sound?”

“Sorry, it was just Candy Crush,” he lied. “I have four new levels to beat. Back to you and the Lord, Dad.”

His mother gave him a stern look and the pastor finished his prayer.

“Heavenly Father, please allow Joseph to enjoy these final weeks with his friends before they go off to college. Also, we ask you to continue watching over Matthew and Jeb Jr. as they spread your good word throughout Uganda. In Jesus’s name we pray. Amen.”

“Amen,” the others repeated.

“Noah and Peter, give your brother a hug good-bye and get in the van,” Mary said.

Joey’s brothers stepped on his feet as hard as they could, then ran out of the house before he could grab them by the collars.

“Boys, you’re making Satan smile!” Mary called after them, then gave Joey a hug and kissed his cheek. “Stay safe out there, and make sure you call us and give us updates as you go.”

“I will,” Joey said.

His mother left the house and followed his younger brothers to the van. Instead of embracing his son, Pastor Jeb placed both hands on Joey’s shoulders and looked him right in the eye.

“We’re up against some troubling times, Joseph,” the pastor said very seriously. “It’s a scary world you’re about to travel through. Don’t let anyone turn you into a cautionary tale, you understand?”

“I won’t,” Joey said. “You don’t have to give me the talk again, Dad. If anyone tries to give me trouble, I’ll just walk away like you told me to.”

“Good,” he said. “And remember, son, the Lord is watching you.”

The pastor froze for a few seconds to let his words sink in.

Joey gulped. “I’ll miss you, too.”

The pastor gave Joey a strong pat on the back and headed for the door. Once his family was out of the house, Joey ran upstairs to his room and watched them in the driveway below his window. They climbed into their van and drove down the street, but Joey waited until they were completely out of sight before looking away. He shut the blinds, leaned a chair against the door in case they returned, and then pulled out his phone to read his recent notifications:

You have four unread messages on ManNip.

Joey clicked on the notification bubble and a gay hookup app loaded on his phone. The mascot of ManNip was a winking cat with sharp teeth, bulging biceps, and washboard abs. The app showed a map with the locations of gay men sprinkled across the nearby cities. It also had an itinerary option, so the gays of other towns could know when you were traveling.

Most important, the app was free, so it would never show up on his parents’ phone bill—a real plus for a church boy in the closet.