The Barbarian Before Christmas (Ice Planet Barbarians #17.5)(6)
Kae nods shyly and releases my hand, bringing her basket to her mother.
“Ooo, you did wonderful, honey.” The normally solemn Kira gushes over the eggs as if she’s never seen one before. “Look at what a great job you did.” She kisses her daughter’s silky brown hair. “Leave this with me and go catch up with the others. Miss Ariana’s talking about math today. Isn’t that exciting?”
“Yes!” Kae cries happily and hands the basket over, then races off towards the others at the far end of the village.
Kira watches her go, a smile on her face, and when Kae’s out of earshot, she turns to me. “Someday she’s going to learn that math isn’t all that exciting. Until then, I love that she’s so eager to learn.” She gives me a faint smile. “Thank you for taking them today.”
I nod and hold tight to the straps of my pack, wondering if it’s rude to turn and just walk away. Probably. I stay, feeling awkward, because I’m not sure what else to do.
Kira pulls at her thick bone needle, dragging it through the hard leather. “Sometimes I think she’s just like me, but then she’ll say or do something that’s pure Aehako, and it makes my heart so glad to see it. I’d rather her be like him than me. He’s so full of joy and laughter.” She sighs and a melancholy look crosses her face.
I recognize that look. That’s the look of a woman that misses her mate. All at once, I feel like I’ve connected to Kira. I pull up the empty stool next to hers and sit down, dropping my loaded backpack behind me. It’s like the dam’s opening, because I can’t not talk about how much I miss Bek. “He’s been gone a while. Bek, I mean. Aehako, too.”
Her nod is one of sympathetic understanding. “Not going to lie, I’m worried. I keep telling myself everything is fine, but then I wonder about the twenty in the pods and if they opened them after all or changed their minds. I wonder if those newcomers are coming here, or if they’re all dead, or a million other scenarios that run through my mind.” She sighs heavily. “I tell myself it’s all fine and he’ll be home soon enough, but sometimes the negative thoughts crawl in my head and don’t go away.” Kira stabs at the leather in her hands and gives her head a little shake. “Normally when I get all ‘Debbie Downer,’ Aehako’s right there to pull me back out of it again, but he’s not here. You know how it goes. They have to go out to hunt regularly, so I tell myself this is just like one of those times. Some days it helps.”
“How do you stand it?” I whisper, hugging my arms against my furs. “I wish Bek never had to leave.”
“Oh, I wish for things like that, too,” Kira tells me in a soft voice. She tugs her thick needle and the leather “thread” through her project. “But I tell myself that I’m a realist. Our tribe is a hunter-gatherer one. He has to go hunt, not just to feed us, but to feed everyone. And he enjoys it. I also think that him leaving for a time and coming back allows us to miss each other. It gives him time to hunt and work with the hunters, and I get to spend some quality time with the other girls and the kits. It works out well, and it’s good to have a bit of space.” She pushes her needle into the tough leather again. “I just wish it would be less space right about now. I want him home.”
I know the feeling. I think of Bek’s face, his big body, and the way he holds me close, and I feel so lonely for him I could scream and cry all at once. “I don’t have anyone but him,” I say, and then feel like an idiot for confessing that. I have Gail. I have the other women in the village. Everyone’s so nice to me…but it’s not the same as Bek. Nothing is.
Kira gives me a sympathetic smile. “I know. It was really hard for me when I was newly pregnant with Kae. Aehako and I were mated, but things were still new. Every day that he was gone felt like the longest day of my life. I hate to sound all ‘Mommy’ on you, but it gets easier and harder once your kit arrives. You have a new, wonderful little person to occupy your time…and you hate that your mate has to leave all the more. But it’s a good distraction at least.” She glances down toward the longhouse. “Kae’s been asking about her daddy a lot lately, and I don’t have any answers. I’m glad the big holiday is coming up so she can focus on that and not on how long he’s been gone. Right now I’m trying to focus on making No-Poison Day as good as I can possibly make it. There’s going to be food and presents and games and Christmas carols and a story about a fat alien named Santa and his sleigh pulled by eight shiny dvisti.” Her smile is wry. “We’re going to get a tree tomorrow. Drenol and Kashrem are going with a few of the girls and their kits to help with the cutting. You’re more than welcome to come along and pick out one of your own.”
Maybe I will. It’s been ten years since I had a Christmas tree or celebrated any sort of holiday. The idea’s oddly appealing even if it hurts to think that I’m going to spend it without Bek. Maybe I’ll just prepare our hut for the holiday like he’s going to be there anyhow and not take any of the decorations down until he gets home. I kind of like that idea.
I clasp my hands tightly in my lap and glance at the leather as she gives it another vicious stab. “Is that a present for Kae?”
“Aehako, actually.” She holds the leather up and I can see a big piece cut in the shape of a peanut. “New boots. He’s rough on his and I’m making these with red laces because I think they look nice against the paler leather. I’m going to do a second layer inside with fur lining to keep his feet warm.” Kira smooths her hand down the piece. “All the stabbing helps me take out my frustration, and when he gets home, he’ll have a nice present. Win-win.”