Select (Select #1)(85)
At first I was terrified that they’d left without me. The house was eerily quiet.
I was relieved when I heard Victoria moving around the rooms downstairs. Realizing my late arrival might go unnoticed, I quickly made my way up the back staircase to my bedroom, not knowing what to expect.
I opened the door and drew up short, seeing Liv sitting on my made bed. My bedroom looked exactly the same as I’d left it. Nothing had been moved.
“Oh.”
“I didn’t mean to scare you.” She stood and walked to the center of the room. She’d showered since the hospital and changed into a long black dress, a tall contrast in the all-white room. Her feet were bare, and she was looking relaxed, like nothing had happened tonight.
“Where were you?”
“With Angus.”
“They told me in the car. They said not to tell anyone else until we’ve left,” Liv said. She went over to the window seat and kneeled on the white cushion, staring out at the lake. “What did he say?” She tried to keep all emotion out of her voice, but she didn’t want me to see her expression. I noticed her light-pink nail polish had been half picked off.
I knew what she wanted. “He said to say good-bye to you,” I lied.
“I’m going to fix it.” There was bitterness in her voice.
“Liv,” I warned.
She cut me off. “He and I are supposed to be together. I know how that sounds….”
“I believe you,” I said. I did believe she felt that. “I just don’t want you hurting yourself. It sounds like we’ll be confined. It could drive you crazy, wanting something so badly that’s on the other side.”
Liv faced me, and there was a steeliness in her eyes I’d never seen before. She played with the necklace she was wearing. The small gold nugget hanging from the chain caught my eye. It looked old and was very beautiful.
“Why did Angus do it?” she asked.
“He’s a free spirit; I think he was scared of losing control. He was afraid he was about to be sealed in a crypt.”
“But now we’ll have control! We’ll be in our own world instead of hiding in theirs. He was supposed to come. He will come.” I was worried at both the grief and the determination I heard in her voice. I realized out of everything of mine she’d had, the only thing she’d actually wanted was Angus.
Angus would have been here if she hadn’t spoken out of turn about Relocation at the club. But I couldn’t help feel that if it felt so wrong to him, maybe it was better he knew ahead of time. Maybe Angus and his family would struggle forever to conceal their abilities, but at least now it was solely up to them to decide how and when to use them. I couldn’t stop looking out the window, wanting to go outside again, off the property. It was amazing what you craved once it was no longer an option.
I realized Liv had been talking and I hadn’t been listening. My mind wasn’t in this room or on Relocation. I kept thinking of things I should have said to John.
“Julia!” Then she gentled her voice. “Stop worrying. You’re here, aren’t you?”
“Sorry.” I shook my head. “I’m all messed up from tonight.”
“I am too. And I don’t want to be,” Liv said. I didn’t know if she was referring to me or Angus or both. I wouldn’t tell her the rest of what I’d heard tonight—about what Novak had tried to do to us in order to prop her up. Maybe it was misguided, but I wanted to protect her.
“You must see me differently now,” I said, surprising myself. It was a break with my tradition of never discussing anything uncomfortable with Liv. She had blinked for just a second when I’d told her about my mother, but then, surprisingly, she’d stood by my side the rest of the night. And she was here now.
“No. Maybe for a second, but what’s really changed? You’re my sister.”
I took a second to make sure I had control of my voice. “Thanks, Liv.” She nodded, a little bit shy at my choking up. In some ways there was still something so pure about my sister. She hadn’t grown out of her big heart yet.
“Look, I’m sorry about tonight and how I put you on the spot like that. I had no idea….I was really convinced about you and him. And I thought I was doing this big thing, showing everyone that you were the one who found the answer for Novak.”
“Thanks for thinking I had that much power, Liv.”
“It was also a way to tell you that I’ve always seen us as equals. I still do.”
Hearing someone I loved say those words out loud fixed something that had been broken inside me for a long time. I walked over and stood next to her. I surprised her by doing something I don’t think I’d ever done. I put my arm around her and rested my head on her shoulder. She stiffened for a moment, and then laid her cheek on my hair.
“We were put in an impossible situation once we were in different groups. I think we managed pretty well until recently,” Liv said, pulling back first.
“We really did.”
“I’m sorry. It was a huge mistake not standing up for you when you were sent to that school.”
“Do not worry about it, okay? It’s over.” I made it sound like an unspeakable time to be put behind us. I imagined for a moment that I’d never gone away and never had a concept of the things I’d experienced. I would be a different person if this whole fall hadn’t happened. To me that person from last summer felt half-dead. The thought suddenly scared me. Badly.