Select (Select #1)(38)

Unwittingly I stumbled onto a scene. As soon as I set foot in the living room, I saw Victoria and three other group members, including Paul’s mother, Anne, standing stock-still across the room. Victoria quickly got my attention and held up her hand, halting me from taking another step. It was like they were all watching a dangerous animal, no one making any sudden movements.

Novak sat on a plush white sofa in the middle of the living room, Kendra tucked in at his side. He had his arm around her and was murmuring in her ear. Kendra had her face turned into his neck, and she was sobbing.

After what felt like minutes, she lifted her head, looked up at him, and, in a tiny little-girl voice, said, “But I don’t understand where I am.”

Novak couldn’t have been more loving. “You’re okay, sweetheart. You’re Kendra, right? Can you say it?” Novak spoke so soothingly. Kendra just nodded. “I’m going to have Anne sit with you, and then she’s going to take you home, now that you’ve seen me. You know Anne.”

“But I want you to stay with me.” Kendra sounded about four years old. She seemed so lost.

Novak very gently untangled himself and stood up. As soon as his back was to Kendra, disgust played over his features.

The abrupt change in demeanor was chilling. He lifted his chin to Anne, and she immediately walked over to Kendra and took Novak’s place.

I wanted to go back to my room, shut the door, and take a shower. Anything to wipe what I’d just seen from my memory. Kendra had finally gone the way of the other assistants. She had just been helping me, arranging my transition to Austin High. It was different seeing it in person instead of hearing about it secondhand—seeing someone lose all sense of who they were and their life before they met Novak. Kendra had lasted much longer than anyone else. Maybe that made the comedown even worse.

For the first time in my life, I hoped Novak wouldn’t acknowledge my presence. I hadn’t seen him since that day at his downtown office. I hadn’t known he was home. Usually I could tell because the air felt supercharged, like everything in the house changed focus and turned uniformly in his direction.

Novak crossed the white room to where I stood, rooted. He kissed both my cheeks. Victoria and the rest of the party nodded at me as they passed on their way to the dining room, where presumably they’d been interrupted during a late dinner. No one seemed concerned by what had just happened. Novak was the one who seemed most bothered. I tried to look like I wasn’t shaken either, even though Kendra sat in plain view in the middle of the living room with Anne.

“Julia.” He held me at arm’s length to really look at me. Then he dropped his hands from my shoulders and took my hand, as if he instinctively knew I had a nasty cut on my palm. Novak turned it over and then clasped it between his hands while he began to talk.

“How are you finding your new school?”

It was hard to switch gears and suddenly have an important conversation with Novak. What was the right thing to say? I settled on “Very different. But I’m handling it.”

“Ah” was all he said as he studied my eyes. Then, “Is there anything I need to know?”

What did he mean? He couldn’t know about what I was doing, could he? He had never concerned himself with the details of my life.

“No,” I said, hoping nothing in my voice gave him pause. “I’m staying under the radar.”

He nodded slowly. “Be careful at that school. Obviously these people can become addicted to us.”

He squeezed my arm before turning his back on me to return to the long, orchid-covered table beyond. I was not invited.

“Julia, one more thing,” Novak said, as if he had just remembered something.

“Yes?”

“Be on guard if anyone approaches you. It seems the Department of Justice has sent the FBI to town.” Novak said this almost laughingly, and I knew he wasn’t worried. This case against Novak was an annoyance, if even that, before Relocation. Novak would never get caught.

“I would never speak to someone about us,” I said sincerely.



The next morning I felt off the second I woke up, my mind preoccupied after my face-to-face encounter with Novak. I wanted to withdraw, not potentially fix a tennis match.

I hadn’t really thought out going to John’s tournament. I didn’t have a plan for what I was going to do, and I hadn’t given enough thought to what it meant that I was showing up. I arrived at the tennis complex late, not in the mood for the task.

I’d thrown on the wrong clothes, I hadn’t had time to put on sunscreen, and I’d forgotten my sunglasses.

Of course I found him. I always knew exactly where he was, even in this impressively large space.

“Hi,” John said when I walked up.

“Hi.” Damn, the sun was bright. John was looking in my eyes. For a second I got caught up looking in his. It grounded me somehow, like I remembered him again. I felt the excitement begin to come back.

“I’m playing on court three, so why don’t you go sit anywhere else.”

I smiled. “No.”

“I can’t believe you’re here. Don’t you have anything better to do on a Saturday morning?” He was joking, but he also wasn’t. My being here was a lot of pressure. His breathing was too shallow.

“Sadly, I don’t. No, seriously, you’ll play better if I’m here. You won’t want me to see you lose.” I smiled, torturing him.