Select (Select #1)(34)
Fuck Tom. He’d turned into an asshole anyway. Fuck Sarah. This is fucked up, but at least it’s a fresh start. It’s just me now.
I was excited I could hear him and his nihilistic thoughts again.
“Okay, everyone. Thank you! Have a great weekend!” Mrs. Bartell acted like she hadn’t just tormented everyone on a Friday morning.
John held out his hand, offering to turn in my paper. I paused and then handed it to him. I suddenly felt a wave of relief. Then I realized it wasn’t mine.
It was John who mostly felt liberated, like he no longer had to play a part he’d grown out of. His old life was finally gone and he could freely admit how things really were. He had no idea which direction he was headed in, and I sensed I was somehow part of that.
He walked our two papers up to Mrs. Bartell. “Thanks, John.” She gave him a maternal smile.
I left before we could walk out together, elated that I’d figured it out. He needed to be open to it, to me. When he was scared or mad, I couldn’t read his mind.
When I’d almost reached my next class, I realized I’d left my first essay in a ball on the floor. I ran back to Mrs. Bartell’s classroom, but it was nowhere to be found.
“What are you doing here?”
His tone was surprisingly sharp. I’d found Angus and the Lost Kids on the sheer cliffs by the Pennybacker Bridge. Curiously, Ellis and Roger weren’t there. Before I left, this had been the Lost Kids’ hangout—usually boys-only. From this vantage point, you had views of the Colorado River, the downtown skyline, and the Hill Country to the north. The boys had put up some crappy barbed wire and an unconvincing-looking Private Property sign along the trail, at least temporarily claiming this spot so they could do whatever bad things they wanted in private.
“I need to talk to you,” I said. The Lost Kids stopped their balance-beam walk along the edge of the cliff to stare, surprised by my appearance. I focused on the spot where they were standing until a few rocks gave way under Paul’s feet. He instinctively grabbed on to Angus to catch himself as the ground crumbled down the side of the cliff. Paul recovered and gave me the finger.
“What?” I shrugged and hid my smile. It felt good to mess with them like the old days. Angus grabbed my elbow and led me from the edge of the cliff, farther away from the group. Angus turned his back on them, blocking me from sight with his height. I took a step back when I realized he was annoyed.
He squinted at me. “You’re supposed to be at school.”
“So are you.” I’d raced here after English, deciding to skip out. Regardless of how I felt about him and my sister, I needed to see him. I was on such a high now that I was getting it—what it was and how to use it. I wanted to describe it to Angus: how I knew John’s thoughts, what he was going to do, this incredible control I suddenly had. Angus was the one person I knew who would understand the risk I was taking. But now, based on his reaction, I could see coming here seemed desperate.
“What’s going on?” he asked impatiently.
Over his shoulder I could see the Lost Kids stripping off their shirts and egging each other on. It was about a million degrees and they’d done this before—jumped off these cliffs to the water below. They were idiots. Anyone driving on the bridge or in a nearby boat could see tiny figures falling through the air.
I changed tactics and slowed way down. “After our conversation, I wanted to see how you’re doing. What you’re doing—”
Angus stole a glance over his shoulder again, clearly uncomfortable being alone with me.
“Julia, forget everything we talked about. I never should have gone to that piece-of-shit school. It wasn’t fair to you.” He ran a hand through his hair, messing it up and making him look less preppy and more like I was used to seeing him.
He knew me. He couldn’t suddenly pretend we weren’t on the same wavelength. Why was he acting like this?
“Angus, shut up. I can handle that you lowered yourself to come visit me.”
He spoke quickly, trying to extricate himself. “Look, it’s best for both of us to lie low.”
“What is going on?”
After a moment he relented. “Curfews, school, and then home every day. We’re not supposed to hang out in a group anymore.”
“Who’s not allowed to hang out?”
“All of us—our group. Ellis and Roger stay away now.”
“Novak decided this?” It sounded like a military state.
“Yeah, he’s cracking down. Something about cutting away any individual who puts themself before the group. Clearly he’s worried about us getting caught before we manage to leave. Looks like the party here is over.”
“Then what are you guys doing here?” I asked, skepticism more than apparent in my voice.
“By three p.m. we’ll be back at school and no one will have missed us.”
“Yeah, right,” I scoffed. Leave it to Angus to think he could get around my father by dating his daughter and pointedly ignoring his rules. It was a problem that he thought he could get away with it. Angus’s ego would be his undoing. I realized the same could be said for me. It’s what brought me here today. I’d wanted a friend, but I’d also wanted to brag.
“So besides hanging out together secretly, you guys aren’t breaking any rules?” Just then I heard whoops and glanced around Angus. Paul took the plunge that would break any regular person’s body. For a second both Angus and I were quiet, vicariously enjoying what must have felt like a second of pure freedom.