Select (Select #1)(30)

“Do you need a ride to school?” Liv asked, surprising me. This whole interaction was her first overture since Barton Springs. I could actually feel the bad vibes coming off Victoria when Liv offered.

I knew I had to say no, per my agreement with Novak. And I wanted to say no. I was upset with Liv, and I was altogether ashamed of my feelings where she was concerned. Still, I wasn’t allowed in a car with my own sister?

I answered before Liv was forced to rescind her offer. “Actually, I have to deal with my car today. Thank you, though,” I said, sounding distant. Liv looked surprised.

As I drove to school, I was pissed, for the first time since everything happened. In the confines of my car, where no one could know what I was feeling, I indulged in waves of resentment aimed at Novak and Victoria. It was followed by anger at the entire group for blocking me out. I had willingly taken on the dishonor they all seemed to think I should feel, but what had I really done to deserve being cut out and told to sink or swim?

After weeks of being a ghost, I recognized myself again. Defiance felt so much better than shame.





“John?”

The group of boys turned in unison. John looked surprised by my use of his name. It felt strange to say it out loud for the first time.

“Hi,” he said after a brief pause. I could feel his friends looking back and forth between us.

“I was…” I felt my cheeks turn flame red. “Can you possibly give me a ride home?”

“Of course,” he said without any hesitation. It must have been fairly obvious to everyone present that I had a million other options for a ride home.

“Thank you. I’ll meet you here after practice.” For one microsecond we paused the way you do when you have either a crush on someone or something unspoken between you. I turned and began to walk away slowly, tuned into his thoughts, knowing he was thinking how startlingly blue my eyes were. He liked all my contrasts—bright blue eyes against black hair, tattoos and tennis outfit. He even loved my voice. I heard him remind himself not to stare like everyone else did.

I felt John turn back to his group, waiting for the coach, trying to act casual, like this happened every day—an untouchable Jaynes asking for a ride home. He steeled himself, ready to catch shit, hoping they would have the decency to be quiet so I wouldn’t overhear, which of course I did.

I stole a glance behind me. Their faces were surprised and full of admiration. It took a second for someone to go first. Then, “What’s Sarah going to think?”

I heard him blow it off. “She just needs a ride.”

“You talk to her?” This was said in an incredulous tone.

I could tell he didn’t know how to answer. We knew each other, but we’d barely spoken. He was thinking about how I hadn’t been in class that morning and how he didn’t like that he felt disappointed when I didn’t show. He’d wanted to see me after what happened at the courts yesterday—to see if my rash was gone, to see if we were now on speaking terms. He told himself he only wanted to see me to get answers and be reassured, that while I may have been a billionaire’s daughter, I was a regular person in all the ways that mattered and he could let go of what had been nagging at him.

“We have English together,” he said, as if this explained things.

“Damn. I didn’t know she’d even lower herself to talk to the masses.”

“Looks like she’s into Ford.”

“She’s not,” he said.

“Was she arrested when you were?”

He must have nodded.

“They shared a love of breaking the law…,” someone started in.

John laughed. “I have a girlfriend.” I couldn’t believe I felt annoyed when he said that.

I knew John had feelings for his girlfriend. I’d stumbled on them today, sitting with their friends in front of the library. When I saw her—Sarah Navarro, I’d discovered—sitting in his lap, John playing with her hair unconsciously, I knew she had to go. It wasn’t because I was jealous. It was because I felt she shouldn’t get away with cheating on him anymore while lying to his face. This morning Liv had given me an idea of how to take care of John’s problem when she asked if I needed a ride.

After practice I stood apart from everyone else while I waited for him, absentmindedly twirling my racket, making it spin magically on its own for just a few seconds before anyone noticed. The other girls hung out on the bleachers, always aware of me but of course not speaking to me.

“Hey.” John’s voice was soft when he approached.

“Hi.” I looked up and our eyes met. “Thank you again for driving me,” I said. “I was in an accident yesterday and my car is more messed up than I thought. Anyway…”

“Was it after tennis?” he asked. I nodded. “Are you okay?”

That was kind. “Fine. Just got rear-ended. Are you ready?” We were on a timeline.

“Sorry it took so long, I had to shower real quick.” He looked at me still in my tennis clothes.

Besides the front of my white tank top being damp, I’d fared okay despite playing hard on a concrete court in full sun. I hadn’t bothered to change. It was convenient having a higher tolerance for heat. And pollution. And toxins. “I’m ready.”

Oh God. In her tennis outfit, in my car.