Secret Lucidity(67)

We move along the different slopes, quickly finding ourselves advancing to a few of the easy blues, and when he asks if I want to break for lunch, I tell him no. But fatigue eventually kicks in, and I struggle to make it down one of the trails, taking one spill after another. By the fifth or sixth one, David moves to my side and holds my hand as he helps me get down the run slowly while others fly past us.

Once we’re at the bottom, I plop down, completely drained as David unlocks my boots from the board.

“You had enough yet?”

I lie back in the snow, sighing loudly, “I didn’t think I was going to make it down.”

“Shit, as much as you were falling, I was worried I’d be stuck up there with you,” he jokes.

We decide to call it quits and make plans to return tomorrow morning. The rest of the day is spent back at the cabin, but instead of lying around resting, we find ourselves unable to keep our hands off each other. The first thing we do when we get back is soak our tired muscles in the outside hot tub, but it doesn’t take long before David pulls me on top of his lap and shoves my bikini bottoms to the side. Flurries kiss the tops of my shoulders and breasts while I roll my hips over him.

And later, when I follow him into the shower, we wind up having sex against the wall with my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck.

With both of us spent, we lie down for a nap, but I have no idea how long I actually sleep before I wake with my panties off and David’s head between my legs. I reach down, and we hold hands while he uses his lips and tongue to make love to me in the most intimate way.

When night falls along with the temperature, David throws in a few logs and builds us a big fire. With blankets wrapped around us, we sit in front of the hearth and soak in the heat from the crackling flames. I close my eyes and rest my head on his shoulder while he rubs my back, and I wish it could be this way forever.

“There’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.”

“What’s that?” I ask as I lift my head and look at him.

“I’ve been talking to a couple of the students on the team about their scholarships and helping them with their college applications, and it got me thinking about you. You haven’t mentioned anything about your plans for college. I know that with your times in the water, you’ve gotten at least a few letters of intent.”

His question catches me off guard, and I grapple with how to respond. I haven’t even gotten the courage to make any decisions on my own yet. I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out.

“What is it?”

I drop my head for a moment before looking back up. “I don’t know. I guess . . . I mean, I wasn’t sure about . . .”

“About what?” he questions. “About us?”

I nod.

“Taking us out of the equation, what are you thinking are your top options?”

“The thing is, I’m kind of stuck because I can’t depend on my mom to help me out with money or anything. I got a lot of offers, but only two of them are full rides.”

“How full?”

“Everything down to the meal plans.”

“You’re kidding?” he responds with an impressive smile. “That’s pretty damn remarkable.”

“I knew swimming would never offer me much in terms of scholarships, so I put a lot into academics.”

“So what schools are we talking about here?”

“Stanford and UNC.”

“North Carolina?”

“Yeah. But I also got a partial at OU,” I tell him. “I could always get a job.”

“Why would you do that when you have fulls from two schools that outrank Oklahoma by a long shot?”

My heart gives a slight heave in my chest at the mere thought of leaving David, and I have to hold my emotions back when I admit, “Because of you.”

“Babe,” he says, taking my hands in his. “Is that what you’re afraid of? Losing me?”

“Aren’t you afraid of losing me?” I counter, my voice trembling in fear of him saying no, but he says it anyway.

“No.”

My eyes fall shut, barricading sadness from spilling out.

“Look at me, Cam.” I can’t, so instead, I drop my head. “I’m not afraid of losing you because I refuse to lose you.”

At that, I open my eyes slowly—almost as if I don’t believe I heard him correctly—and lift my head.

“You think I’d just let you go?”

I shrug my shoulders with a faint shake of my head.

“I love you.” His words are fervent and without hesitation. “I can do my job anywhere.”

“I can’t ask you to leave your home?”

“I never expected you to ask me that. But if you think that house is my home, you’re wrong. There’s nothing left for me there. You’re the only thing that’s tying me to Oklahoma.” He cradles my face in his hands. “If you’re in this with me, then I’ll go wherever you decide.”

My hands cover his, and I let go of any fear I ever had about losing him. The moment I feel the heat of tears, his lips catch them, kissing my face, kissing my scar, kissing my mouth.

I feel my heart soften within the cage that no longer needs to protect it, because I trust David to do it all on his own. The way he’s always done. Loving me for all my ugly pieces. In a way Kroy never could. I don’t need a man who tucks my darkness into a distant corner. I need a man that will dance with it, nurture it, and tell me that in such a vigorous world, it’s the most stunning thing he’s ever seen. A man that will find the terrible traits in me and be content to love me anyway.