Redemption(79)

He sat on a bench in front of a tree with his head hung and his shoulders dropped. The shade obscured him along with the crowds moving on the sidewalks. But it was him. My feet refused to move while I watched him. His body language conveyed devastation. And while my instinct was to comfort him, my eyes absorbed the way he cradled his head in his hands with his elbows on his knees, and the fact no one stopped to check on him seemed strange to me. A grown man, visibly upset, but not one person sat down next to him or asked him if they could help.

I didn’t know what I would say, or how I would say it. I just knew I had to be with him. He’d shown up today, he had to love me. That had to be enough for us to make our way. Each step closer to him echoed in my heart, my pulse raced, and my breathing grew heavy. He ran his fingers through his hair, but he never glanced up. Even when I was inches from him, and took the seat to his right, he never moved. He wasn’t crying, but he was in pain.

The only thing I knew to do was slip my left hand, the one still wearing the ring he’d put there the day Alissa was born, between his arm and torso and cupped the inside of his thigh. My thumb stroked his jeans while I waited. He didn’t lift his head immediately, but he knew I was there. My presence might be all I could offer right now, but I’d wait. Unless he told me to leave, I wouldn’t budge from this spot—not without him.

His chest expanded with a large breath, and when he released it he turned toward me. The sun hit his eyes in the most perfect way creating the appearance of being illuminated from behind—the green glowed in gilded light. My lips ached to touch his, my arms longed to wrap around him—but, instead, I waited.

“Penny.” One word. The beginning of a song when it came from his mouth. “Why are you here?”

The right side of my mouth tipped up in a half-grin. He had no idea how much I loved him, or he wouldn’t be asking such a silly question. “I’m sorry I was late, Dan. I tried to call.” It all seemed like excuses, like maybe I hadn’t been sure and had come as an afterthought. “I told Annie. And then I came here.”

He watched me scan his face but said nothing. With my free hand, I reached up to cup his cheek and just before our lips touched, my eyes closed. His mouth was soft and warm, and even just a peck conveyed emotion. When I began to pull away, his palms embraced my jaw, and he showed me more than he could say. Our tongues found each other in an unhurried twist, sensual and intoxicating. But he broke the connection far too soon.

My eyes opened to the world continuing to move around us unaware of the turmoil on the bench. But the sadness I’d seen in his features before I kissed him was replaced by the adoration I was accustomed to. The green in his irises warmed, and his lips hinted at a smile.

“I’m so sorry I was late.”

“You told Annie?”

Foolishly, I thought I could avoid speaking. I had hoped I could show up, we sign the paperwork, and walk off into the sunset as husband and wife. It was delusional, but a girl could dream. I leaned against the bench, and turned my body toward him, folding my knee in front of me. I stared at the gold stitching on the sole of my boot and played with the hem of my jeans. “She had to know the truth before I came. I needed to know that your marrying me wouldn’t destroy your relationship with them if they found out later.”

“How did she take it?”

My brow lifted, followed by my sight, and then my chin. “I’m here.”

“You would have walked away if she couldn’t forgive you? For something that happened before we knew you?” I couldn’t tell if it was confusion on his face or gratitude.

“I wouldn’t risk your friendship for myself, no.”

A huge smile took over his face, and his eyes crinkled at the sides. “You’re amazing.”

“Dan, I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I don’t know that I’ll ever fully recover from the loss of my son or that it happened on my watch. I should have told you a long time ago, but losing the only person who had loved me since then was unbearable. For years, I believed I’d survived to suffer, but when I met you I began to think there was a chance I might redeem myself. Then came Alissa. Sweet Alissa.” I swallowed hard in order to keep speaking. “I had wandered aimlessly for years and suddenly there was clarity. There was hope. Music filled my mind again and colors became richer. I didn’t want to lose that, but if it meant sparing another person the unhappiness I’d felt for so long, if it meant saving you, I would have walked away.”

“I’m glad you didn’t have to make the choice.” He chewed on his bottom lip briefly. “I’ve sat here for however long wondering how I could convince you to be my wife. If you hadn’t shown today, there probably wasn’t any hope. But if you had run, I was coming to find you.” He tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear and stared for just a moment. “I don’t want to do life without you, Lissa. Ever. We’ll get through the other. Annie knows a great counselor.” He winked at my trying to lighten the mood, but he was serious.

“Lissa. We’re going to face problems. There are going to be things we have to deal with. I just don’t want to do them on my own. And I don’t want to do them with anyone else.”

I tipped my forehead to his. “Me either.”

“Will you marry me, today?”

I nodded and our foreheads moved together. I swiped the lone tear that had escaped from the corner of my eye just after it fell and stood with Dan to walk back inside. There was no pomp and circumstance, no wedding bells, not even a flowing white gown. We signed the marriage certificate and kissed, but the declaration changed nothing between us. Once the paperwork was filed, we walked back outside hand in hand.