Real Men Knit(85)

Who could blame them? Kerry could admit she was feeling just about as frayed as the kids were, as she tried, along with the rest of the staff, to get everyone quieted down in the assembly room for the special program. They were having a few people from the community come in to talk with the kids about careers, which was great, because it was never too early to get them started.

In New York, the competition was tough, and as early as elementary school, kids had to begin prepping for the rigorous and, in many folks’ opinions, skewed high school testing process. Kerry hoped today’s program would help them but not add weight to their young, already stressed minds. Still, she wasn’t in the mood to smile and play happy teacher today, which sucked and made her feel guilty. The kids deserved much more than her bringing her baggage to work.

Kerry did a little shake. “Get it together,” she told herself as a way of jolting her mind and body right.

But sleep had once again skipped over her the night before. She couldn’t believe how quickly she’d gotten used to spending the night with Jesse’s arms wrapped around her. Just what she’d told herself not to do. At two a.m. she was up flipping channels on her little TV. Picking up her knitting project did nothing but frustrate her all the more. She wanted to bang on the shop’s door and beg Jesse to let her in. Though of course she knew that wasn’t all she wanted.

Kerry let out a sigh and looked around at the myriad excited young faces. All skin tones, from the fairest of the fair to the most beautiful deep mahogany, sweet dimples and bright brown eyes. Her heart twisted. She needed to get it together. Being tired, stifling yawns and only half watching kids who deserved her full attention was not going to cut it. If this was what being in love did to you, she’d done right cutting it loose.

She guessed?

Despite telling herself not to, she’d gone into the shop last Saturday to work and help out with the lessons. Immediately she knew that the Jesse she encountered was not the man she’d left just days before. He was cool—maybe a little too cool. His smile was there, but each time he sent it her way, there was a slight, brittle chill at the end of it. His words were careful, a little too controlled and measured. As they sat on the opposite ends of the table with the six new knitters between them, the tension was almost more than she could take.

Finally, the class was over, and when the last student left, Kerry let out a breath. She looked at Jesse and smiled. “You did great. You’re a born teacher.”

“Thanks. I enjoyed it. Hopefully they’ll tell their friends and we can expand on the classes even further.” He looked like he wanted to say more but instead began to clear off the table.

Kerry knew she wanted to say more but instead started to clear off the coffee mugs and teacups that were left. Jesse’s voice stopped her. “Leave that. I can do it.”

“But”—she looked at him, and his eyes were cold and unwavering—“I don’t mind.”

Still he shook his head. “No, I’ve got it. You don’t have to clean up after me anymore, Kerry. Those days are done.”

Val nudged Kerry, bringing her mind to the task at hand. “Are you okay? You look done for.”

Kerry looked at Val and for a moment she still saw the cold eyes of Jesse. Felt the finality of his words.

Had she made a mistake? “He said those days are done.”

Val frowned, then her eyes went soft. “Oh, honey,” she whispered and looked around. “I know. But done is never done.” She patted Kerry’s hand. “Just hang on a few more minutes and this assembly will be over. Then I promise you we’ll have him eating his words. I’ll make sure of it.”

Kerry shook her head, embarrassed for having zoned out like she had. “I’m fine. Just tired. Guess I’m as ready for the break as the kids.”

Val gave her a long look. “You sure? Can you make it through this?”

Kerry snorted. “Of course I’m sure. Stop fishing, Ms. Director. There is nothing to see here.” She looked over at the doorway, where Gabriel Webb was, and saw him greeting some of the mentors as they began to arrive. She nudged Val. “Looks like you’d better get over there. Some of the presenters are arriving,” Kerry said as she spotted Connie Rae and her husband, Raymond, who owned Corrine’s Cakes. And there was Becky Bryant, who owned the ironically named Good Hair, which specialized in natural hairstyling. Becky laughed at Gabriel and held on to his hand for an inordinately long time. Kerry held back her own laugh. Now that word was out about Gabriel, it was clear to see they would be in no shortage of single-parent volunteers at the center.

But Kerry froze when she saw the next person come in, followed by two others. It was Jesse, and behind him were Lucas and Damian. “What are they doing here?” Kerry whispered.

“Don’t you mean what is he doing here?”

“He, they, what does it matter?”

Val shrugged. “I think it matters to you, but whatever.” She started to walk forward then. “Pay attention, Teach. You may learn something.”



* * *





Jesse was nervous but knew he had to do this. It was now or never with Kerry. He paused, halting in his tracks when he locked eyes with her across the center of the cafeteria floor. It was like a hush came over the room and everything went still. The workers stopped moving, the kids stopped screaming, everything went quiet and it was only her. But wait, who was he fooling? Was it really now or never? Sure, this felt like it. And yeah, he was scared shitless, but he knew if he fucked up—and it was him, so he probably would—so what? This was Kerry and he wasn’t giving up. Not on his life. He’d sure as shit just untangle his mess and start over once again. There was no now or never when it came to Kerry. With his love, their love, he’d never give up. He’d just keep on knitting. He knew this, and he’d probably always known this, which was why he was such an idiot and had lost so much precious time and so many precious years looking at her from afar when he could have been loving and cherishing her from up close.