Real Men Knit(83)

Jesse laughed, or maybe it was more a low grumble, as his mouth went from her lips to her breasts and continued its trail down to between her legs. “Let’s call it ‘or something,’” he said before settling her in for the night.





26




Don’t worry, I’ll still be back here to work in the shop for the next couple of weeks. I can do Saturday and part-time Sunday and some of the evening classes. We’re still only setting up the new curriculum for the start of school,” Kerry said when Jesse was just putting the last of her bags on her bedroom floor.

He stared at her. Who was the woman who was talking to him like he was just another coworker and not the man who’d made her come three times last night and twice just that morning?

Kerry had just come out of her bathroom after having inspected the new sparkling white paint job. She was so pretty as she grinned at him with that big bright smile and those wide, round eyes. She also looked all wrong. Why was she here? Why was he dropping her off here and going back home without her? Alone. All fucking alone.

He walked forward and pulled her into his arms, kissing her, and needing her oh so much. Jesse wanted nothing more than to take her back—no, not take her back, he just couldn’t do that. Maybe beg her to stay? He pulled away and looked into her eyes.

“You know,” he started, “who knows what kind of job they did here or how safe things are. You could still stay at the house. There really is no rush.” He sniffed the air. “And this paint still smells too fresh. Like it’s toxic or something.”

Kerry frowned. And looked around. He knew he was reaching. “I’m sure it’s fine. And I’m sure you’re glad to be rid of me. And hey, Damian has his full closet back now.” She paused. “I have to remember to buy him new sheets.”

“Fuck his closet and his sheets.”

“Jesse.”

He looked her in the eyes. “You don’t have to go, you know.”

“I know and I do,” she said. Her voice was so soft now but so very clear.

Jesse rubbed her upper arms, wanting to let the feelings of his urgent heart out but too afraid to put a voice to them. What if she still said no?

It was Kerry who spoke. Saving him, again. “This is where I should be. There are plans, and . . .” She paused and looked him in the eye. Her eyes glistened and she blinked. Don’t cry, Kerry. I’m not here to make you cry. She smiled as if hearing his silent plea. “There is always the danger that I could lose myself in you.”

Lose herself? The words crushed him more than a no ever could. He never wanted that. Not when he was so lost himself. Not when he couldn’t be trusted to care for her like she deserved to be cared for. She knew him best. If she said it, if she didn’t believe he could make her happy, if she didn’t believe in him, then it must be true. Lose herself in him, and become what? Nothing? Gone before her time like every other woman who’d ever cared for him. He nodded and took a half step back.

“I guess you’re right,” he said.

Kerry looked at him in confusion, and then as her smile wavered and a little bit of the light in her eyes dimmed, she reached out and ran her hand along the back of his neck. Her voice was smooth and sweet, soft and placating when she spoke, and he hated every syllable. “Don’t worry, Jesse, you’ll be fine. And I’ll still honor the commitment I made.”

He pulled back fully, the anger suddenly as real as the raised hairs on the back of his neck. “I’m not your commitment, Kerry. I never was.”

Kerry looked at him, the hurt clear in her eyes. But she didn’t lash out. Only nodded. “You’re right. And I thought I made it clear that the commitment I made was to the shop and myself, not to you. Don’t worry, I wasn’t trying to imply anything to hold you down.”

He let out a breath. “Ridiculous woman.”

“As if a runner like you could ever hold or be held down.”

He threw up his hands and turned away from her, heading toward the hall. “Thanks, Kerry Girl. For everything. Truly. We couldn’t have made it as far as we have without you.”



* * *





“So, she’s gone?” Damian asked.

“Like gone, gone?” Lucas said.

“Really gone?” Noah chimed in from his Skype call.

“What part of the definition of fucking gone do you idiots not understand?” He was back in the shop after he’d dropped Kerry off. It was his first official Sunday open without her, and the fact that he had flipped the sign from closed to open without her there had exhausted him.

“But she’ll be back later, right? For the afternoon class? And what about lunch?” Lucas asked. “We were all supposed to have lunch together.”

Jesse looked at him like he’d grown another head. “Lunch—what are you going on about? Make your own damn lunch. Stop acting like she was our mom.”

“Tell that to yourself,” Damian suddenly said.

“What?” Jesse said.

“You’re the one who was all torn and confused in your thoughts, not sure if she was some sort of sister, girlfriend or surrogate mother figure. Your head was totally fucked up and you screwed it all up by overthinking.”

“He’s right,” Noah said from the laptop on the desk. “You were both better when you were younger and knew your minds. But I get it. The stress with losing Mama Joy and then taking on the shop has been hard on both of you.”