Queenie(69)

I tripped over a box as I made my way through the hallway. I fell over another as I got to the top of the stairs. I stood outside Cassandra’s door, my fist poised to knock, and looked at the brass C screwed into the wood. My stomach rolled over. I wasn’t ready for conflict.

“Come in,” I heard Cassandra say. My hands were so sweaty that after two failed attempts at turning the doorknob, I eventually managed it with my sleeve over my hand.

I stepped into the room and stood in the doorway, puzzled by more boxes seemingly containing the contents of Cassandra’s room. “Where are you off to?” I asked.

“Leaving,” she snorted. “Moving. With Guy.”

“Are you joking? To-to where?” My legs started to shake, so I lowered myself onto the stool by Cassandra’s dressing table before I remembered that it was only decorative and could break under my weight, so stood up again. Breaking family heirlooms was not the way to forgiveness.

“To Winchester.” Cassandra smirked, as if she’d just told me she’d won something I’d really wanted.

“What? Where’s Winchester?” I furrowed my brow.

“Of course, you’re terrible at geography,” she snickered. “Hampshire.”

“Okay, but why are you moving to Winchester with Guy, Cassandra?” I pressed. Why was she saying this as if it were the most natural thing in the world?

“Well, you’ll know he’s a junior doctor, I’m sure.” Cassandra flipped her golden-brown hair viciously. “His next placement is at a hospital there. Didn’t he tell you that when you were fucking?”

“No.” Little spikes of anger pulsed through me. Why was I still being blamed? “I didn’t know that,” I said, my voice calmer than my disposition.

Cassandra crossed to me and shut the bedroom door. It closed with a quiet click. I felt trapped.

“Really? You were lying on your back for him all that time, did you never actually talk to each other?” She narrowed her eyes at me and crossed her arms tightly.

“Oh, come on, that’s not fair,” I groaned.

Cassandra cocked her head at me, demanding a response.

“Well, maybe, but I wasn’t ever listening. We weren’t having a relationship!” I tried to explain. “It was just about the sex. And remember, I stopped doing i—” She lifted a hand to cut me off.

“Anyway, I’ve decided that I’m going to be adult about this,” she said smugly. “He loves me, and he made a mistake. And, you know, you were just sex. An outlet to release tension when he was having a wobble about his career.” She sounded like she truly believed that. “We’ve looked into it, there are psychiatry courses I can do at a university not far away. The houses there are cheap compared to London, and my dad has agreed to help us get our feet on the ladder.” She smiled and went back to her spot, removing books from her shelves and placing them into one of the twenty cardboard boxes in the room.

“Do, your parents, do they know what happened?” I asked breathlessly, hoping that I could call them in to help put a stop to this madness. “Surely if they did, they’d tell you that you were mad.”

“No, and they don’t need to,” Cassandra said viciously enough to make me pull back. “Guy’s said that we can start having a good life together, and I believe him.”

“Cassandra, let me get this straight.” I was trying to make sense of the nonsensical. “You hear me talk about some boy for months. Like, the duration of the time you’ve been with him. You aren’t sleeping with him; then you come to my house and watch him walk out of my bedroom with your own two eyes, and your next step is to cut me out and leave London with him? I came here because I thought you were going to apologize, but instead you’re telling me that you’re making a choice, and you’ve chosen him? You don’t even know him!” I pleaded with her.

I crossed the room and placed a hand on hers to stop her from packing her life away.

“Don’t.” She yanked her hand away as if mine were made of fire. “This isn’t a choice between you and him, don’t be so self-centered,” she said. “It’s about me. I’ve found someone that I want to be with. He gives me stability. I can’t carry on with the only consistent thing in my life being your problems.” She let those words hang in the air. “I’ve met someone that I love, he loves me, and we’re starting a life together.”

“But he was cheating on you, the whole time,” I said. “This wasn’t a drunken kiss in a club! Don’t you think you deserve better than that?” Cassandra picked up a roll of brown tape and turned it around in her hands, looking closely at it for the edge.

“Do you know the thing about you, Queenie?” She found the edge and picked at it. “You’re damaged goods,” she said. Her words hit me as if Apollo Creed had punched me in the chest. I sat on the edge of the bed. “You’re damaged goods, so you self-destruct,” Cassandra repeated calmly. A good thing she repeated it, too, because I couldn’t believe what I’d heard the first time. “No wonder Tom escaped when he did. He was too good for you.” As her words continued to strike me, I could feel my heart fragment a little bit more.

“You’re so closed off that actual love is out of your reach, so you settle for sex. With anyone who’ll fuck you. Your self-esteem is a joke.” She placed the edge of the tape on the cardboard and extended it, sealing the box. “With a mum like yours, it’s no surprise.” She smoothed the tape down on the box. “So. Take care.” She lifted the box and put it atop a pile of others.