Only Child(84)

It was a big surprise because I didn’t see anyone before. Maybe it was a ghost. The ghost held on to both of my arms, and I started kicking and screaming: “NO! Let go of me!”

“Zach, is that you?”

I looked up, because it was another big surprise that the ghost said my name and it wasn’t a ghost. It was Charlie. Charlie’s face looked very surprised.

“Zach?” Charlie said. “What…what are you doing here?” He looked up and behind me. “Why are you running like this? What’s wrong?”

It was hard for me to talk because my breath was going in and out fast from the running and kicking and screaming. I tried to tell Charlie about the picture: “It blew away…from the wind. My picture…”

“A picture blew away? Where?” Charlie asked.

I pointed to where it flew over in between the trees, where it was really dark and scary now.

“OK, let’s check,” Charlie said. He held on to my shoulder, and my scared feeling started to get better with him there. We looked all around for the picture and then there it was, stuck in a bush.

“Can I see it?” Charlie asked, so I showed him the picture. Charlie looked at it for a little while and did a little sad smile, and then he gave it back to me. My hand was shaking a lot from the cold when I took it from him.

“Zach?” Charlie asked. “What are you doing here? Are you here to visit your brother?”

“Yes,” I said. “But mostly I came because of you.”

“Me? Because of me? How did you know I would be here?” Charlie asked.

“They said it on the news,” I told Charlie. “They said you come here every day when it’s evening.”

“I see,” Charlie said. He pointed at a gravestone and we walked over to it. In the almost-dark I could see:

    CHARLES RANALEZ JR.

1997–2016



“I come to say good night to him in the evenings,” Charlie said. “My boy.” His voice sounded like the saddest voice I ever heard.





[ 50 ]


    Going Home


WE STOOD IN FRONT of Charlie’s son’s gravestone, and I looked up at Charlie’s face.

“Charlie?” I asked.

“Yes?”

“Why did he do that? Why did he come in the school and kill Andy and all the other people?” I asked.

Charlie put his hand over his mouth and then he wiped his forehead with his hand, up and down, up and down. He made a long breath go in his mouth and looked up at the sky. I looked up, too, and I saw the moon right over us. It looked like a full moon, except maybe on the left side there was a piece missing. Then Charlie let his breath come out long and slow.

“I don’t know,” he said, and it was hard to hear because his voice came out so quiet. He was still looking up at the sky and put his shoulders up and down. Then he started talking again, and his voice sounded like something was stuck in his throat. “I don’t know, Zach. I honestly don’t know. I’m asking myself that same question every single day.”

“Daddy said it’s because he didn’t know it was wrong. It’s because he had a sickness,” I said.

Charlie shook his head yes and wiped his hand over his eyes a couple times.

We were quiet for a while and then Charlie said, “Why did you come here to see me, Zach?”

Now was the part where I was going to tell Charlie about my mission. “I wanted to talk to you,” I told him. “I don’t know where your house is, so I came here.”

“It’s almost dark. Do your parents know where you are?” Charlie asked.

“I didn’t tell anybody,” I said.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” Charlie asked.

“I want you to come with me, to my house. I want us to talk to Mommy together and then all the fighting can be over.” I was talking really fast because Charlie had a sad smile on his face, and it looked like a no smile and not a yes smile.

“So can you come? Please?” I asked.

“Oh, Zach! I wish I could. I wish that…but I can’t. It’s…I can’t do that,” Charlie said, and he started to put his arm around my shoulders, but I didn’t let him.

All of a sudden I didn’t feel cold anymore. My whole body got really hot.

“Why?” I yelled, and tears started coming in my eyes. “Why can’t you? Everything…everything’s bad there. We have to talk to Mommy or she’s going to take you to court, and then you have to go in jail,” I told Charlie. I was making big crying sounds and my teeth were clicking together from the coldness.

Charlie didn’t say anything. He put his arm around my shoulders again and pulled me close to him, and I let him this time. It felt good that Charlie was hugging me tight. It made me not so cold anymore. We stayed like that for a long time, me with my head against Charlie’s belly and crying, crying the whole time, and Charlie petting my head. After a while my crying got better and my whole head hurt from the crying and my whole self was very tired.

Charlie took his arm off my shoulders, and right away I started to feel colder again. Charlie went down on his knees and took out a tissue from his coat pocket, not the paper kind, but the kind that’s like a little napkin like Uncle Chip had with his letters on it, C.T., and Charlie wiped all the tears off my face. Then he put his tissue back in his pocket and said in a quiet voice, “Zach. My best buddy. I think it’s time to get you home. Your parents must be worried.”