Only Child(85)

He helped me pack up my things. I put the picture back in the book and put the book back in the backpack. We walked to his car that was parked down on the cemetery road. Charlie opened the back door for me. He turned up the heat in the car, and my teeth stopped clicking together. Charlie drove very slow the same way I took when I walked here, and it still only took a little more than five minutes to get to my road. I checked on Andy’s watch, and it took me one whole hour when I walked that same way earlier. We didn’t say anything in the car. Then Charlie stopped by the middle school bus corner and he turned around to me.

“I think it’s better if I drop you off here,” Charlie said.

“Can’t you please come in my house with me?” I asked. “Please? That was my mission—that you were supposed to go in the house with me and talk to Mommy. Then maybe she’s not going to be so mad at you anymore. OK?”

“I’m sorry, Zach. I can’t do that. It wouldn’t be…it’s not appropriate, me showing up there with you,” Charlie said.

I could feel tears coming back in my eyes, and I didn’t want to start crying again, so I put my arms in front of my belly and looked out of the window. I tried to not blink my eyes, so the tears weren’t going to spill over.

“Zach?” Charlie said, but I didn’t say anything back because there was a big lump in my throat. “Please, Zach? Please don’t be mad at me. I know you are trying to help and it’s…you are such a good boy, do you know that? Listen to me, Zach,” Charlie said. “Can you please look at me?”

I moved my eyes from outside the window to Charlie, and I could see he had tears in his eyes, too, but he let them spill over on his face.

“Please don’t worry about me. It’s not…you don’t have to worry about me. It will be all right. OK?” Charlie said.

I looked back out the window.

“Please? My best buddy?” Charlie said, and he sounded like he was a kid asking me that question.

“OK,” I said. I looked back at Charlie and we both let our tears spill over.

“Charlie?”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry about…how Mommy is talking about you like that,” I told him.

“Your mom…she is in a lot of pain right now,” Charlie said. The car was warm, and I wanted to stay here, with Charlie.

“Charlie?”

“Yes?”

“Can you still feel your son? Do you…is it still like he’s with you or something?” I asked.

“Sometimes. Sometimes it feels like he’s right here, close to me. And sometimes…it feels like he’s been gone a long, long time,” Charlie said.

Then he said, “Go now. Time to go home. Listen, I’ll watch you from here, OK? I’ll watch you walk up to your house and until you go inside, all right?”

I grabbed my backpack and opened the back door, and before I got out I said, “Bye, Charlie.”

“Bye, Zach. My best buddy,” Charlie answered.

When I walked up our road, I could see two police cars in front of our house and the news vans were still there, too. I thought that I was probably going to get in huge trouble. When I walked to our house, I started to feel cold again, and I walked with slow, tiny steps. I turned back around and I saw the lights from Charlie’s car behind me. I pressed the button on Andy’s watch that makes it light up: 6:10.

When I got close to our house I saw a man was leaning against one of the news vans. I realized it was Dexter, and then he saw me, too, and started walking to me fast.

“Oh man, Zach, there you are, man! Everyone’s been looking for you,” he said, but I didn’t say anything back. I gave him a death stare and walked past him and to our front door. My heart was beating super fast when I pushed the doorbell button.





[ 51 ]


    This Crying Thing


AFTER THE DOOR OPENED, nothing went how I thought it was going to. I didn’t get in huge trouble, not even in a little bit of trouble. Mommy opened the door and she was hugging Clancy, so that’s where he was—I forgot him at home. When she saw me, she yelled, “Oh my God, he’s here!” Then she went down on her knees and hugged me and like rocked from the left side to the right side over and over again.

“My baby, my baby, my baby,” she said a lot of times. Behind her I saw Mimi and Grandma and Aunt Mary and two policemen coming out of the living room. But no Daddy.

Mommy stopped hugging me and held me a little away from her and looked at me all over. “Are you all right, Zach?” she asked.

“Daddy isn’t here,” I said in a quiet voice.

“Oh, jeez,” Aunt Mary said, and she pulled out her phone and pushed a button. Into the phone she said, “Jim, he’s home. He came back home!”

“He’s out looking for you, honey,” Mommy said. “He’ll be here soon, OK?”

My body did a shiver and my teeth started clicking together again.

“Oh, Zach, you are freezing,” Mommy said, and then everyone made a big fuss: “Here, let’s take your shoes off. And the backpack. Let me feel your hands. Oh my God, they’re ice-cold. You must be starving. Let’s make you something to eat.”

The policemen said they would have to ask me some questions, but Mimi said, “Let’s get him settled first. Here, let’s have another cup of coffee,” and so everyone sat down in the kitchen, even the policemen.