One Last Time(68)

“You can’t blame yourself. You didn’t mean to hurt her, did you?”

“Never. I would never hurt a woman. I would never hurt anyone.”

And I know that’s true. I spent the better part of my life loving a man who used his words as weapons, cutting me open at every turn he could. Noah isn’t anything like that.

“I know that. If you didn’t feel any remorse, then it would mean something else,” I tell him as I wrap my hand around his neck. “You carried that girl in your arms to get her to safety. At eighteen, I can’t imagine that you’d have done that if you had pushed her on purpose.” Our heads touch, and we stay this way for a few minutes, just being together.

The entire situation is horrible, leaving nothing but destruction in its wake. I try to imagine what Noah must’ve gone through. The people all whispering, accusing him of killing her, and then actually having to endure losing the person he loved.

He lifts his head, holds my face between his palms, and gently presses his lips to mine. When our eyes meet, I see his anguish. I wish I could take it from him, give him some kind of peace. Noah’s finger slides across my cheek, wiping away my tear.

“I went through hours upon hours of interviews with detectives and the police chief. I was left in a cold room where it was the same questions repeatedly by different people. They had one detective who would be nice, then the next would flip and be a dick. I was distraught, tired, broken, and all I could do was tell the truth.”

I take his hands in mine and try to imagine Noah, being eighteen and stuck in a room being grilled for an accident. “I can’t even think what that must’ve been like for you . . .”

“I took a lie detector test, and since I was telling the truth, they said I was free to go, but that I had to stay in town in case they had more questions. They interviewed family and friends, but people knew I was madly in love with her. I was never charged with anything especially once the coroner’s report stated there was no foul play and police officially ruled it as an accident. But my life was . . . awful after her death. Tanya’s family blamed me at first, refusing to let me anywhere near the funeral. If I closed my eyes, I saw her falling, our fingers touching, and then her slipping away.”

“Why did they blame you?” I ask.

“She was their only child, and whether it was my fault or not, I was there when it happened. I felt like I lost a family when I lost her. Her father was the closest thing I had to one, and he cut me out.”

My lip trembles. “I’m so sorry.”

As a mother, I can’t imagine the grief they felt, still feel. Aubrey and Finn are my world, and if I lost them like that . . . I’d never get over it. There’s no moving on because you no longer have a heart. A parent should never have to bury their child, it isn’t meant to happen that way.

I close my eyes and see a young Noah begging for their forgiveness, but the maternal part of me knows she’ll never fully be able to.

“I wanted my friends to believe me, which many did, but some accused me of actually shoving her off the ledge, instead of her falling. I wanted to die alongside her.”

When he says that last part, my chest tightens. If our roles were reversed, I’d feel the same. People make their decisions on what the truth is without knowing the facts. I see it all the time, and it’s sad. We hear one version, taking it as gospel, and never actually listen to anything else. Noah had to walk around with people thinking he was a killer because they only had half the facts. I can’t imagine the agony he was in.

“I’m glad you didn’t, Noah. I don’t want to think of a world without you in it.”

Noah’s lips turn up just a little. “I don’t want any secrets between us. I wanted to tell you before, but it’s not something I’ve ever shared because there was no one worth sharing it with.”

I hold his wrists, needing to keep myself connected to him. “Thank you for trusting me.”

He stares at me with so much intensity that my stomach clenches. “You don’t think differently of me? You don’t see me as some bad guy now?”

Why would he ever think that? He’s the complete opposite of a bad guy. He’s a guy who went through a bad situation.

“God, no.” I shake my head. “You’ve been honest with me. You were a kid, and if you’d done something wrong, then you’d be in jail, Noah. It was a horrible accident, and I’m just so sorry you had to go through all of that.”

He’s still as he looks for something in my eyes. “I love you, Kristin. I love you, and I know it’s too soon, but it’s how I feel. I don’t need you to say—”

“I love you, too.” The words come out without a thought. I opened my mouth to say something else, and I couldn’t stop myself. I love him.





Chapter Twenty-Eight





Noah





Kristin nuzzles herself closer to me. My fingers continue to rub up and down against her spine as I lie here, trying to figure out what I’m going to do about our situation.

I’m in love with her.

She’s in love with me.

And we have every obstacle in our way between her dick of an ex, my job, her life here, and whatever the media could spin about our relationship.

The only thing I know is my life will include her. There’s not any other option.