Not Pretending Anymore(75)

I blushed, feeling suddenly guilty. “Probably not.”

“Speaking of which, if my sleeping here is going to cause any complications, I can stay at a hotel.”

I sat up. “Are you kidding? This is your home. You’ve paid your rent. The room is still yours. Not to mention, I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

“I get that, but will he come by? You never told Will I was your roommate all that time. So my being here wouldn’t make sense to him. I don’t want to get you in trouble.”

I knew Will wouldn’t be happy with this, but no way would I tell Declan to leave. I shrugged. “He’s working all night. He’s not going to come here. And if for some reason he did, I’d tell him the truth—that you came into town and you’re staying here. He would have to accept that, because he knows you and I are still friends.”

Declan nodded. “Okay, sweetheart. I just don’t want to make things complicated.”

It was the second time this week that Declan had called me sweetheart. Maybe I needed to evaluate why I loved it so damn much when a man who wasn’t my boyfriend called me sweetheart. But I was too tired to obsess over it right now.

“You’re not making anything complicated, Declan. You’re making it a lot easier for me tonight because I don’t have to be alone.”

He smiled. “Well, I’m happy as hell to be home.”

Home. I wasn’t sure he realized what he’d just said. “Home, huh?”

He paused. “It’s funny. That just came out. But I guess I do view this as home. My second home, at least.”

Declan arranged two plates of cinnamon French toast with hefty sides of bacon. The appetite I’d lost earlier was back with a vengeance, and suddenly I couldn’t get enough food.

We sat down, and he grinned as he watched me. “I’m glad to see some things haven’t changed.”

In no time, there wasn’t a morsel left on my plate. But we continued to sit across from each other in comfortable silence. I finished off the last of my orange juice.

“Did you tell Julia you were back in town?” I asked, still feeling a twinge of jealousy at the mention of her name.

He shook his head. “No. She doesn’t need to know I’m here—not looking to start anything up there again. Better to leave well enough alone. I only came for you.”

My chest tightened. “When do you have to go back?”

“Unfortunately, my flight leaves tomorrow night. So, I’ll be here for the funeral, but I have to be back in Wisconsin right after. The following morning I have an important presentation. I wish I could stay longer.”

I frowned. “Me, too.”

Silence settled over us, and the high I’d been experiencing started to wane.

Declan sensed it. “Do you want to talk about today?”

I shook my head. “No, even though maybe I should. Rehashing this day is the last thing I want. It was grueling, and I am absolutely dreading tomorrow.” I kicked his foot playfully under the table. “Let’s talk about anything but death, okay? Tell me more about cheese and lesbian bars.”

So Declan told me a few funny stories about life in Wisconsin, and I got lost in his humor. With each minute that passed, I was more and more grateful that Declan was here with me tonight.

“I’m not the only one who appreciates you being here,” I said. “My dad’s wife thought it was really nice that you showed up, and made a point to tell me how much my dad adored you.”

Declan reached across the table and squeezed my hand. “I really liked him, too. I wish I’d had a chance to get to know him.”

“Even though he didn’t know you very well, my father sensed that you were good people, you know? Just like I did when I first met you. I think he loved the fact that you’re so outgoing and pleasant. Seriously, Declan, whenever you’re around, you just light up a room.”

The expression on his face changed after I said that—darkening, as if somehow my compliment had upset him. It was strange.

My eyes widened. “Did I say something wrong? That was meant to be a compliment, you know.”

“No.” Declan leaned back in his seat and let out a long breath. “Of course it was. That was a nice thing to say.” He wiped his forehead, and his face turned red.

Something was off. I leaned in. “Are you okay?”

He blinked repeatedly, as if he didn’t quite know how to respond, then attempted to brush it off. “Now is not the time to be talking about me. That’s not why I’m here.”

“I want to know if something is bothering you, Declan.” My heart started to race. “Besides, the last thing I want to talk about is me . So please, tell me what’s going on.”

He looked down at his hands and circled his thumbs. “It’s nothing.”

The more he tried to downplay it, the more worried I became.

“Your face dampened the second I said you light up a room. It triggered something. Please tell me why.”

He swallowed. “Okay… There is something going on with me. But I just don’t feel like tonight is the right time to get into it.” Exhaling, he said, “Maybe we can talk about it over the phone when things calm down for you. I don’t want to—”

“I don’t know if you realize how much I care about you,” I interrupted, my choice of words surprising me. “If something is bothering you, Declan, I need to know. Now. Please? It’s okay. Do I look like I’m going anywhere tonight?”