Not Pretending Anymore(74)

The wake started from two to four in the afternoon, followed by a three-hour break, and then another session from seven to nine in the evening. In between, Kayla had arranged for us to have dinner in a private room at a nearby Italian restaurant. Since my dad was an only child, and both of his parents were already deceased, most of the family there was Kayla’s. Again, Will stayed by my side the entire time.

“How you holding up?” He leaned over after we finished eating and kissed my temple.

“I’m good. But I can’t believe I have to go through this again tonight.”

Thankfully, this evening was the last of the sessions. Tomorrow would be the funeral.

“I’m sorry I can’t stay,” he said. “I’ll be there all day tomorrow with you, though.”

“Don’t be silly. First of all, you have been here for me every step of the way. I’m not even sure when the last time you slept was. And you definitely don’t need to apologize for having to work tonight. You don’t need to come back and babysit me tomorrow. You’ve done enough, Will.”

Will weaved his fingers with mine and brought my hand to his lips. “I just want to be here for you.”

I cupped his cheek. “You have been, and I really appreciate it. Thank you, Will.”

The evening session of the wake was much of the same. I’d never met half the people who came up to talk with me, and that was a constant reminder of how long I’d kept my life separate from my father’s. At one point, I stood between my sister Lauren and my dad’s wife. I looked toward Kayla to introduce her to a nurse who had worked for our dad when we were little, and when I turned back, instead of yet another healthcare worker, I found my sister shaking hands with a man.

“Declan? Oh my God! What are you doing here?” I launched myself into his arms.

He chuckled as he stumbled back, unprepared for my enthusiastic greeting. “Of course I came. How could I not with a welcome like that?”

I attempted to dial it back as much as I could. “I had no idea you were coming.”

“My flight was delayed. I was supposed to be here for the afternoon session.”

“Well, this is a welcome surprise. Thank you so much for coming all the way back.”

We talked for a few minutes, until Declan noticed he was holding up the line. “I’m going to pay my respects and go sit in the back,” he said. “Find me later when you’re free?”

“Yeah, of course.”

Unfortunately, free didn’t happen until almost an hour and a half later when things were coming to a close for the evening. But my spirits had greatly improved since Declan arrived. Every once in a while, I would look over my shoulder to make sure he was still there, and each and every time, he smiled at me. It was like the shot of medicine I needed to keep going.

When the line finally slowed, Kayla rubbed my arm. “It was nice of Declan to come. Your father really liked him.”

“He liked Dad a lot, too.”

“I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but the night the two of you came to dinner, your father told me he thought he’d just met his future son-in-law.”

“Dad said that?”

Kayla nodded. “He did. I thought I saw something special between you, too.”

I looked over at Declan. He was still seated in the back. But this time when he smiled, he held up a bag of M&Ms and let them dangle. It made me chuckle.

When I turned back to Kayla, she smiled warmly. “You two have fun tonight. You need a break.”

***

Resting my head on the back of the seat in Declan’s rental car, I sighed. “What a long day.”

He reached his hand across to squeeze mine. “You must be so tired.”

I yawned. “I am.”

“What can I do?” he asked.

“I just want to go home.”

Declan flashed a warm and comforting smile. “Let’s do that then.”

He started the car and took off down the road.

He turned to me. “Have you eaten?”

“I could really go for some breakfast for dinner right now.”

His brow lifted. “You got eggs and bread?”

“My fridge is totally empty.”

“I’ll stop at the market and run in real quick.”

I smiled. “Thank you. You’re the best.”

During the ride, I stared out the window. A sudden wave of sadness hit me. I’d somehow been able to block out the reality of my father being gone today, even at the wake. But in the quiet of this car, everything seeped in. It started to rain, and that just amplified the mood.

When we got back to the apartment, I took a long, hot shower. When I ventured out into the living area, it seemed like no time had passed since Declan left for Wisconsin. While I crashed on the couch, he stood at the stove, preparing his famous French toast. The smell of cinnamon wafted through the air. And on this miserable day, finally there was a moment of joy.

I breathed in, savoring the scent. “I still can’t believe you came all this way.”

“Not coming was never an option, Mollz.”

A smile spread across my face as I watched him flip the toast. “This is exactly what the doctor ordered: breakfast for dinner and getting to hang out with you tonight.”

He turned around. “Well, not sure which doctor we’re talking about, but I’m not sure Dr. Will would have ordered me here with you tonight.”