Not Perfect(60)

“I’m so sorry, Fernie Bernie,” Tabitha said. “I am just so sorry.”

She sat down and reached for Fern, and this time Fern let her.

Tabitha didn’t call Toby back until much later that night, after Fern was asleep.

“Hey,” she said. “I’m so sorry about that. Fern was upset. She had a bit of a tantrum, which is so unlike her, but I guess it happens to the best of them.”

“It certainly does,” Toby said warmly. “Believe me, I know girl tantrums.”

“So, where were we?” Tabitha asked, smiling into the phone.

“Well,” Toby said. “I was just about to ask you out on a proper date. I’m not even sure if that’s okay, we were interrupted when we were talking about what is and isn’t okay. I figure we can go out and then talk about it. I promise you I will not get my hopes up.”

Again, Tabitha laughed. “Sure,” she said. “When?”

“Tomorrow?”

“What time?”

“I have Tara tomorrow night, so I was thinking lunch? My treat, of course.”

“That sounds perfect.”



The next morning she got up and walked out with the kids.

“No way,” Levi said. “You can’t not walk us and then walk us. It’s embarrassing.”

Fern just looked at her. She should be driving Fern, really, but with the pain meds she’d been okay. The question was, how long was too long to stay on the pain meds? 911—our daughter needs pain pills to walk! And I’m afraid she’s going to become addicted to them.

“Okay,” Tabitha said. “I understand.”

The kids nodded once in unison; they clearly expected a fight. Or at least Levi did. Tabitha stood on the sidewalk and watched them go through the Square, the way Fern always wanted to go, and across toward Nineteenth Street and beyond. Once she could see them cross by the library, she walked in the other direction toward Starbucks.

“I’ll have an extra large, what do you call that?”

“That would be a ‘venti,’” the barista said with a smile.

“A venti latte with whole milk please,” she said happily. She had found a gift card in a drawer that morning with $10 written on it. It was underlined twice, so it must have been true. She just hoped it still had money on it, that it wasn’t used but not thrown away.

“It’s pretty big,” warned the barista.

“I’ll take it,” Tabitha said, already imagining her first sip of the hot, milky coffee. She hadn’t had a latte or cappuccino in months. She considered asking the barista to check the card before he actually put in the order. What would she do if the card didn’t work? But she wanted it so much, she was willing to risk it. She heard the steaming of the milk and smelled the espresso.

“That will be four twenty-five,” the barista said.

Tabitha handed over the card and looked the other way. Please let it work, please let it work. She caught herself mouthing the words as she saw Julie, the head of the parent association at the kids’ school, tie up her scruffy dog outside and move toward the door. Tabitha had a second of wondering if she could get out of there before Julie saw her, but no, she was stuck. Plus, at this point, she would do anything to get that latte.

“Here you go,” the barista said, handing back the card, and Tabitha was so relieved that she didn’t even care about seeing Julie anymore. “You still have over five dollars on that.”

“Can I give you a tip from the card?” she asked.

“No, sorry, I can’t do that,” he said nicely. “No worries. Get me next time.”

Tabitha thought about the last of the cuff links she had in the bottom of her purse, but she couldn’t do that here, not in front of Julie, not with the explanation it would require.

“Thank you,” she said. “Thank you so much.”

She moved to the other side of the counter and waited. Julie could find her if she wanted to, or maybe she wouldn’t notice her.

“Tabitha?”

“Venti caffé latte?” the person behind the counter called.

“That’s me,” Tabitha said, before turning toward Julie.

“My, my, that’s a lot of coffee,” Julie said.

“It is,” Tabitha smiled dumbly. “And I’m happy to have it.”

“Okay then,” Julie said, squinting her eyes a little.

Tabitha put some Sugar In The Raw into her cup, trying not to oversweeten it—all this sugar! Just available for the taking! If Julie weren’t there Tabitha would have put some packets into her bag. She stirred, put the lid back on, and took a long first sip of the luscious, creamy drink. She closed her eyes and swallowed. Julie was watching her. She took another sip, this time with her eyes open. Did coffee always taste this good? Tabitha didn’t think so. And the truth was, Starbucks hadn’t generally been her favorite. Well, it was now.

“So, Tabitha, I’ve been looking for you at school,” Julie said. “I haven’t seen you there much.”

Tabitha didn’t know what the right answer to this was. She knew it was good to give your kids independence, but were they too young to officially be walking to school by themselves? She wasn’t sure where Julie’s judgment would land on this one. She took another sip of coffee.