Not Broken: The Happily Ever After(99)

Ginger leaned forward to sit her untouched beer on the small side table. I expected her to resume her position, but she didn’t. Instead, she sat sideways on the lounger, chewing on her thumbnail.

She looked back over her shoulder at me. “Remember last year when I backed out of going trick or treating with you guys?”

I moved so that I sat behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist. “Yeah, you said Lil’ Man was sick.”

“He wasn’t sick.”

“Okay, so you didn’t want to hang out with us?”

This was an odd topic of conversation, bringing up something so random from last year.

“It’s coming up again.”

“True. I think you’d look great as Wonder Woman.”

“I’m not dressing up as Wonder Woman.” She reached back to rub her shoulder.

Ah, that damn tattoo. I kissed the top of her shoulder then reached for the beer and took a long drink. “Isn’t there makeup that can cover it?”

She held her hand out for the bottle, took a quick drink, and handed it back to me. “I’m not dressing up at all.” She took a deep breath. “You asked why I got it.”

“And I told you, you didn’t have to tell me. And I meant it. Baby, it was just basic curiosity. You were uncomfortable answering. I’ve let it go.”

“And I appreciate that you didn’t push the issue. Full disclosure, when you told me you didn’t have any no-go topics, it annoyed me. In light of the conversation we were having at the time, coupled with my known issues with opening up, it sorta hurt. But not really hurt, maybe that’s not the right word. Inadequate maybe fits better.”

Ginger got up and walked over to the railing. She looked out again at the lights coming from the house behind us before turning back to face me. I wanted to say something, but held my tongue. I needed to wait and let her get it out.

“I want to share with you. Tell you things. Dr. Carr said that how I felt that night had a lot more to do with me than you, and I agree.” She looked down and started twirling the ring around her finger as she spoke again. “You know me. You’ve known me for a long time. Self-esteem is not my strongest quality. I’ve always tried to be what people wanted me to be, because what people thought of me mattered. A lot. Too much at times. My time in therapy, a lot of it was spent constructing my life in the same way. Being who everyone wanted me to be. Until now.”

I got off the lounger and made my way over to where she stood. She gave me a sad smile, and rested her hands against my chest. I put mine on top of the railing behind her.

“You intimidate me,” she whispered.

Soft spoken words that delivered a hard punch. I started to back up to give her space, but her hands grabbed mine.

“Not in a bad way,” she rushed to explain. “It’s just that I worry more when it comes to telling you things. I have this need to over explain, like I’m doing now, because I want you to understand. Telling you things is hard, because I run the risk of losing that look in your eye when you look at me. That terrifies me. But then I worry that not telling you things will have the same effect, because then I’m deliberately putting a wall between us.”

“That’s a lot of worrying going on in that head of yours.”

I picked her up, sat her on the railing, and pushed her knees apart to stand between her legs. My arms slipped around her waist, and my hands rested on the top of her ass for added support to make sure she didn’t fall.

“I’m not a complicated man, Ginger. Takes way too much effort, and I rather spend that time doing other things. So, I try my best to be as straight forward as possible and say what I mean.”

“I know. I know that a lot of my worry comes from me overthinking things, and always concluding with the worst-case scenario.”

“Well, when it comes to me, and how I feel about you, there is no worst-case. You have me. I’ve waited a very long time for this. For you. You’re it for me. No matter what you tell me, or don’t tell me, the way that I love you won’t change.”

Ginger put her hands on either side of my face. Smiling, she leaned forward and gave me a quick kiss. She rested her forehead against mine and ran her thumb across my lips. I watched her take in a breath and let it out slowly.

“The simple answer, because he told me to.” She sat up and looked at me. “It was Halloween which is...was also his birthday. I’d dressed up like a genie and told him his wish was my command for the day. Something fun and…I thought it’d be a day of…”

She looked away, turning her head to stare off into the distance. I stepped closer to her and worked to keep the anger that burned anytime that bastard was mentioned internalized. A year and a half they were together, and he’d destroyed her. Two and a half years, she was still picking up the pieces, but she was here. She survived him.

Ginger started speaking again, but kept her eyes focused off into the darkness. “I didn’t want a tattoo, but he was a master at using my words against me. So off to the tattoo shop we went. And if agreeing to it wasn’t bad enough, I let him design it and didn’t see it until after we were back at his place. It hurt. He’d done a lot of things that I’d forgiven.” Her hand went to her chest, rubbing over her heart as if talking about this brought the pain back. “For him to take advantage…” she stopped talking and shook her head.