Not Broken: The Happily Ever After(93)

“I should have gotten it lasered off or something, but—”

“But you named Shawn using the same initials, instead.”

She nodded as she turned back around. “Like you said, I wouldn’t have gone to get one, nor was I going to go see someone to take it off for the same reasons.”

“The scar?”

She nodded again. “Among other reasons.”

I stepped closer and pulled her into an embrace. I rested my hands at the top of her waistband and slid my thumb under her shirt to stroke the small of her back. She didn’t relax into me; instead, her body remained rigid like when I’d touched her moments ago.

I debated on if I wanted to ask the question that’d been on my mind since I first saw it. People got tattoos for their significant others all the time. They were in love and wanted to display that love for all to see. So what she’d done wasn’t completely crazy, but at the same time it seemed out of character for Ginger.

“Can I ask why you got it?”

She placed her hands on my chest and rested her forehead against me. She took slow, controlled breaths. I slid my other hand up her back, under her hair, coming to rest on the back of her neck. I gently massaged while I waited for her to deal with whatever she was wrestling with. Her hesitance made me think her answer had a whole lotta nothing to do with love.

I cupped her face and gave her a kiss on her forehead. “It’s okay, baby, you don’t have to answer.”

I let her go and headed over to my dresser for a pair of shorts. I pulled my shirt off and dropped it on the floor, followed by my pants. After putting the shorts on, I turned to catch Ginger still standing where I’d left her, with arms wrapped around herself, staring off into space.

I walked over to the wall. “Lights out.”

She looked over at me, almost dazed before nodding and climbing under the covers. I watched as she turned onto her side, facing the wall, which meant her back would be to me when I joined her. I thought about curling up behind her but thought better of it. This seemed to be one of those times she wanted space, so that’s what she’d get. I flipped onto my side, staring at the opposite wall.

After a few moments, Ginger pressed her body against me. Her arm snaked its way under mine and across my waist. She kissed my back and pulled her body closer.

“I don’t know why I reacted like that,” she whispered.

“It’s fine.”

“Doesn’t feel fine. Feels like you’re mad.”

“I’m not.”

She pulled away. I could tell she was moving around behind me. A tug on my arm pulled me to my back, and then she scrambled to climb on top of me.

“What the hell?”

Ginger grabbed my arms and placed them on her back. Her bare back. She slid her arms under mine, pressing her trembling body against my chest.

“Are you cold?”

She shook her head. I wrapped her tighter in my arms.

“I lied,” she whispered.

“About?”

“Not knowing why I reacted that way. I know exactly why.”

The tremor in her voice confirmed my earlier suspicions; it was another bad memory because of that sadistic asshole.

“It doesn’t matter. Everyone has limits. No one is a complete open book.”

“So, you’re keeping things from me?”

I ran my fingers up and down her back, keeping to the sides and away from her scar, not wanting to make her uncomfortable about it again.

“No, Ginger, I can’t think of anything I’ve not shared or wouldn’t share with you.”

“So, it’s okay for you to be an open book but not me?” The accusation went unmasked in her tone.

I remained quiet, unsure of how I was the bad guy again. But I was. A real damned if I do, damned if I don’t situation.

“That’s not what I’m saying. If you want to share, then I’m more than happy to hear what you have to say. But it has to be because you want to. Not because you think I’m mad, which I’m not, or because you feel you’ve been pushed into some sort of corner. I’m not gonna try and Jedi mind trick you into anything. If it’s a topic you don’t want to discuss, I respect that. Say you don’t want to talk about it. But don’t lie to me.”

She nodded. “Okay.”

Ginger’s head rested against my chest. The weight of her body against mine, was comfortable. I closed my eyes and listened to her steady breathing.

She shifted, moving off me to curl up beside me. I wrapped my arm around, her keeping her close. I ran my fingers up and down her arm as I drifted off to sleep.





Chapter 50


Calida





“You’re looking different today,” Dr. Carr commented, directing me to the chair.

My hand went up to my shaggy hair. “Yeah, the growing out phase sucks.”

Dr. Carr gave a smile. “I wasn’t referring to your appearance. I was talking about your demeanor.”

“Oh.”

“So you recognize the change?”

I shrugged. “Yeah, I suppose. I haven’t felt as bogged down lately.”

“Happy to hear that. Anything major happen to help this new outlook?”

I shook my head as I spun the ring around my finger. “No, nothing major. I’m opening up more. It’s still not the easiest thing, but Mal won’t let me...no, he doesn’t make me do things. He just asks that I not hide from him.”