Neighborly(44)

Gina says, “This isn’t all about sex. It’s not even primarily about sex. It’s about freedom and openness. It’s about accepting one another’s choices and accepting yourself. I wasn’t always so comfortable being asexual. I used to feel like I had to pretend, but now I can just be who I am. It’s a legitimate choice, to choose not to have sex, and since Oliver can meet his needs elsewhere, I know my value to him is about much more than sex. It’s a true partnership. Society tells women they have to be sexy, and sexual. Fuck that. It’s freeing not to want sex. I feel so in control.”

“And Oliver is really OK with that?” I’m thinking it, but Andie asks it, like an act of ventriloquism.

Gina nods. “He likes clarity in all things. This way, he knows exactly what he’s getting and when. He knows the bottom line. It’s like all the best business deals: it’s clean and everyone profits.”

“What do you even call this kind of arrangement?” I say.

“Openness.” Tennyson smiles.

“Neighbors with benefits,” Yolanda adds.

“Don’t you get jealous?” I ask, and they all laugh. Jealousy is clearly well-covered territory.

“Of course!” Raquel says. “We help each other through it. We’ve all been there.”

“Jealousy is human nature.” Tennyson finishes another drink ahead of the rest of us. “But I don’t want to control my jealousy by chaining up my husband and keeping him in a cage.”

“Unless that’s what he’s into,” Raquel says. More laughter. “This isn’t an arrangement that just benefits men, Kat. In my experience, it benefits women more. Men have always known who they are and what they want—they’re encouraged to from childhood—but women? We’re supposed to make everyone else happy.” I feel myself flush. She can’t know, and yet . . . “So we have a lot to figure out about what we really want. It’s more complicated for us, and society is more judgmental. We’re prudes or we’re whores or we’re just old married ladies. But think about this: If no one had to know, if you could shed your inhibitions just for a day, or a week, what would you want to do most? What would you want to try?”

I realize it’s not just rhetorical; she’s actually waiting on an answer.

Andie comes to my rescue. “Whatever it is, you can try it with Doug.”

“Truly,” Raquel says, “my communication and my relationship with Bart have never been better. And my self-image has never been higher.”

“We accept you even if you don’t want to be a part of this,” June says. “It’s not mandatory. It’s a perk.”

“Just think about it, and talk to Doug.” Tennyson finishes her drink. “If you guys opt out, we totally respect that. But consider it first, OK? And ask us any questions you have.”

“Everyone says no at first, and then we get worn down.” Raquel smiles. “Well, it’s not exactly like that, but at first, everyone is bound by convention. It just seems so abnormal, you know? And so terrifying. But then you think on it some more, and you look around, and it becomes a version of normal.”

“Pleasure is normal,” June says.

“Attraction to people other than your spouse is normal,” Tennyson says. “And embracing that while still loving your spouse can be normal, too.”

“I think I was the most resistant to the idea,” June says. “I held out for more than a year, and meanwhile, my marriage was going down the toilet. I’m seeing all these other people indulging, happily, and they’re staying married, happily. They’re not letting society tell them what to do. But I was, and my husband was, and we were miserable.”

“Don’t be afraid, Kat,” Tennyson says. “Fear is the real killer in life, you know?”

“You’ve just got to know you’re beautiful, Kat, and worth coming home to,” Raquel says.

“We all are,” Yolanda says.

It seems eerie and cultlike, but also so seductive. A siren song.

They’re telling me I’ll want to resist but I won’t be able to. And neither will Doug.

“There’s a fifty percent divorce rate, right?” June says. “But not on our block. On our block, I’m the only one.”

“We’re all in this together,” Tennyson says. “Think of us like a big support group.”

Then they get down to brass tacks. Gina says, “The people at this table aren’t the only ones participating. But we’re the organizers. The welcome wagon, so to speak. We control the spreadsheet. We know who’s opted in and who’s opted out, who’s currently looking and available, what everyone is looking for, and the rules for each particular couple.”

“If you’re into someone but they’re not available right now, I’ll make a note,” Tennyson says. “Then I’ll let you know when they’re back up for grabs.”

It’s like an out-of-stock item on the Internet. This is the craziest thing I’ve ever heard, but no one seems to think so except me. They all seem so sane and so happy. And they obviously like each other. I saw that at the block party. This is the happiest group of people I’ve ever encountered.

The truth is, I’ve never been a particularly happy person. I’ve tried to be, mightily, but with my background, it doesn’t come easily.