Neighborly(49)

It’s all crazy. Every bit of it. The notes, the openness, the neighborhood, the roofie. None of it seems real. None of it seems possible. And yet, I know that the spreadsheet is real. So it’s possible that I was drugged, by a stranger or a neighbor, maybe by whoever’s been writing me notes.

I’m sweating. My fingers tremble as I scroll down. Just reading the list of side effects jars my memory a little. Not all the way. That’s because one of the major side effects is amnesia.

The other side effects are hallucinations, agitation before euphoria, and confusion. Muscle rigidity, that was the telltale one. Andie had to help me to the bathroom because I couldn’t move. And finally, sedation. Doug had to carry me inside. Vomiting. Lots of vomiting, apparently.

I feel faint. Not one of the symptoms.

Please come home, I text Doug.

He ignores it for several minutes. Then, Why?

I need you. Please. I’m begging you to come home.

Another long minute passes. Fine.

It’s fifteen minutes before he’s pushing open the front door, and I can’t help feeling that he took the longest way back. He takes his time settling Sadie on her activity mat, tickling and cooing at her, before he sits down on the love seat next to me.

Wordlessly, I show him the website.

He reads and then peers back up at me skeptically. “You think someone drugged you?”

I give him the evidence for each side effect. “I felt something like this once before, when I took Special K.”

“When you took Special K?” He looks at me incredulously. “You’re jumping to conclusions. You don’t know how your body reacts to alcohol after a long period of abstinence. You don’t know how it metabolizes alcohol after having a baby. And let’s face it, you’re not the most reliable reporter lately.”

Not being believed by someone you love. This is all so terribly familiar. Don’t abandon me, Doug. Believe me. “What does that mean?”

“With how much stress you’ve been under, between the move and the notes. It can make you perceive things differently than they actually are. Plus, Andie said those were incredibly strong drinks, and you had, what, three of them? Four? Plus a shot. After more than a year of—”

“More than a year of not drinking, I know!” I’m shouting, even though we don’t shout in this marriage. Sadie looks over in surprise but not fear.

Even so, Doug snatches her up off the mat, like he doesn’t want her near me, like I might be contagious. He’s taking her upstairs, taking her away.

“What about muscle rigidity?” I say, trying to make my voice reasonable. Our house is so small that you don’t really need to raise your voice to be heard. “You don’t get muscle rigidity from alcohol.”

He turns around at the top of our steps. “Do you think you might have imagined the muscle rigidity once you saw the list? It’s the power of suggestion.”

“No! I felt it! I couldn’t move last night, Doug.”

“The mind can invent things after the fact. There’s a term for it, something like confabulation.”

“That’s for Alzheimer’s patients!” But my protest has lost a bit of its conviction. I’m remembering my Layton hallucination.

“Not only. It happens to people who are a little compromised mentally.” Now he doesn’t seem angry exactly. There’s some mix of pity and fear, like he’s afraid for me. Sadie is watching the two of us; she’s looking to us for cues as to how to feel. Doug and I need to stop this conversation, for her sake. For all of our sakes. “You have to admit you haven’t been yourself lately. Not since becoming a mother.”

It’s the first time he’s said it like that, so bluntly, and I feel too hurt to say anything back.

“I’m sorry, Kat, I don’t mean it in a bad way, but . . .” He indicates Sadie. “I need to take care of her now, OK? We’ll talk later.”

He’s already said more than enough.





CHAPTER 16

100% CONFIDENTIAL

CHECK AS MANY BOXES AS APPLY:

WOULD YOU AND/OR YOUR PARTNER ALLOW KISSING WITH A NEIGHBOR?



TOUCHING ABOVE THE WAIST?



DIGITAL PENETRATION?



ORAL SEX?



INTERCOURSE?



ANAL SEX?



THREESOMES?



FOURSOMES?



MORE-SOMES?



DO YOU WANT TO WATCH WHILE YOUR PARTNER HAS SEX?



DO YOU WANT HIM/HER TO WATCH YOU?



ARE YOU BISEXUAL OR BICURIOUS?



DO YOU LIKE (OR WANT TO TRY) ROLE-PLAYING?



WOULD YOU PARTICIPATE IN BDSM? DOM OR SUB?



IF YOU’VE NEVER TRIED IT, WOULD YOU LIKE TO, WITH AN EXPERIENCED, RESPECTFUL PARTNER? OR WITH A FELLOW NOVICE?



DO YOU HAVE ANY QUIRKS OR FETISHES? (PLEASE DESCRIBE)



HOW IMPORTANT ARE ORGASMS? (NOT AT ALL, SOMEWHAT, VERY, OR ESSENTIAL)



WOULD YOU WANT TO ALLOW PEOPLE INTO YOUR HOME AND BED?



WOULD YOU NEED TO MEET ELSEWHERE?



ARE YOU OK WITH YOUR TRYSTS AND LOVERS BEING PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE, OR SPREADSHEET ONLY?