Munmun(21)

He said nothing so I added, “So you have to do something, right?”

The cop snuffled again and said, “What I need to know, though, littlebro, and I get that you’re upset, so let’s just calm down for a second, what I need is the facts. So, what do you know for a fact about what’s happening right now.”

“It’s some kind of bangparty,” I said, feeling desperate. “Cop, she didn’t know it was a bangparty when she went there, no way she wants to be in some middlerich squadbang and also this rando named Shoulderheads is hanging around outside the door and he wants to basically kidnap her and pimp her going forward, no way she wants that either, cop, please.”

He put his hands on his knees and talked to me like a babybrat. “Littlebro,” he said. “Okay. Here’s what you’ve told me. A littlepoor girl goes to a party voluntarily, a party where she knows there’s guys, no hard evidence of anything bad, now you want me to go in there and break it up. Littleman, listen. Your sis is her own person, making her own decisions. And I can’t just go around breaking up parties because a bro doesn’t want his sis banging.”

I couldn’t believe how he was not understanding at all and he saw my crazy face and tried again.

“Look,” he said, “I know you don’t like it, it’s hard for littlepoors, but littlebro, she went voluntarily, am I right on this. Meaning, she chose to go.”

“She didn’t think it was a bangparty with tramps,” I said.

He even looked kind of sad but what he said was, “But she chose to go.”

“Holy crap,” I yelled. “Please forget I’m so little, forget you’re so middle, please just remember to when you were a brat, maybe you had a sis, maybe you have a daughter now, pretend she goes to a party and then a pimp drops off some tramps and camps out outside so he can grab her, drug her up, sell her out, please tell me you’re gonna do your job and not just doze away in your big dumb shitcar like a fat scared old jerk,” I said because I was losing it and that was how I lost him too.

His face got mean and he stood from his crouch.

Walked back to driverside, said over his shoulder, “Can’t help you. Turnsout it’s a campus sexassault, take it up tomorrow with some campuscops. Good luck, good night.”

He stepped back into the car, slammed the door shut.

Usher, watching from the shadows, had stopped crying and was just mashing his teeth against each other like a lunatic.

I looked at him and he looked at me.

“I guess we have to go back and kill ourselves trying to kill this guy,” I said.

Usher nodded.

“Okay great,” I said, because I was so mad at this cop, I was ready to die trying to kill a jerk.

So here’s what happens next.

On our way back to the apartment I sneak around the sidedoor of the guardbooth and sure enough, there’s a superfat gunguard sleeping in there.

Strapped to his belt he has a middlepoorsize gun, the whole thing is about half my scale, and without thinking about it I climb his chair, coax it out of his pocket, hug it to myself and climb back down onehanded.

Usher nods with no sadness or happiness, just, good, now that we have our gun it is time for Step Two, murder someone.

Across the pool we can barely see the head of Shoulderheads over the rail of the balconyhall. But it gives you a clue of where his body is, not the smallest target either, just shoot through the rail under the head and you’ve got a good chance of murder.

We set the gun upsidedown in some grass, in some shadows, I’m hugging it crouched down trying to stare along the barrel, shifting it bitbybit updown leftright, aiming at the jacky inky body of Shoulderheads.

Eventually I figure we’re as good as we’re going to get so I say, fire, and Usher leans on the trigger because I can’t reach from where I am, and nothing happens, so I tell Usher push harder, he does, nothing happens, I tell him Usher you got to really lean on it, he does and finally the gun explodes and deafens everyone, also smashes me pretty hard in my ribs.

“Oh shit,” we hear Shoulderheads say, not at all injured, because instead of killing him the bullet has spiderwebbed Ken’s window not even that close to him.

Other apartment lights flip on, distantly you hear a little screaming and freaking out, and Ken’s apartment door makes the locking sound of rat rat rattle CHUNK. Shoulderheads bangs on the door and yells, jiggles the handle and shoulderbutts it a few times, meanwhile we set up the gun again, aim it at the door and BAM, again right into my bruisy ribs and this time what we hit instead of Shoulderheads is the shingles of the stupid roof, but now Shoulderheads abandons the door and scampers away down the balconyhall, down the stairs and away through the alley and into the night, because bynow you can hear police sirens.





II.

GRACE





DREAMWORLD


A littlepoor shoots a gun and rightaway he’s a fugitive criminal.

So that same cop charged in and immediately he figured the gunshots were mine. Which, he was right but no need to be a jerk about it. “Where’s that little redshit,” he bellowed. “Littlebro, come out and get arrested because you are in big trouble, come the hell out now, every minute of hiding you make it worse for yourself.”

I tried to run but it was like blowing on the fire in my own ribs. But even hobbling slowly to a dumpster, the cop didn’t see me, big idiot.