Munmun(18)

Chess was doublescale middlerich, twice middlescale, twentytimes Warner Scale.

“My banker says I could be twoandahalf but I think it’s a little tacky to be as big as you could be,” he explained to us, pulling down some tablets. He set my tablet up with some vids of, YEWESS NATIONAL WAR ON ADULT ILLITERACY, LEARN HOW TO READ.

Usher burrowed furiously into his tablet and in seconds had lined up a queue of a dozen vids.

And Chess left for his classes and we spent the day watching vids, me doing LEARN HOW TO READ and Usher doing his own education with chemistry, history, any free and not too janky vids he could find.

And the next day, Prayer came too, infact for the rest of the week, all three of us commuted to Chess’s house, getting some tablet educations in exchange for delightfull amazing sumpchewus dreamstuff.

Learning to read at age fourteen is not so easy. You put letters in your head but it’s like collecting ants in a cup. Sure, you can find some ants, you can drop them in the cup, but while you’re getting more ants the old ones climb out and scatter.

But after four days, me and Prayer had learned some tricks of how to kill the ants dead so they don’t leave the cup. You kill letters by trapping them in words, you kill words by trapping them in sentences. Turn on CLOSED CAPTIONING, listen to some shows or the news, read along the printwords underneath, trap them dead in your mind.

The news was a lot of, which corpo made the most munmun, which corpo lost the most munmun, did anyone go to the bank and get really huge today, do we have exciting vid of this huge person walking out of the bank and into their new huge house for the first time, where were the bombings and shootings today, how many people got shot and bombed overall, where was the weather terrible, are we building enough stuff in space.

Then there were lots of shows of the lives of the Yewess’s biggest people, what are they doing and eating, how do you make a palace to fit a family twelvetimes middlescale, rooms a hundredfeet high, we’re coming to you live from Balustrade where a pharmalord named Mark is about to eat a mammoth.

The three of us together watched a vid called WOW YOU’RE READY TO SCALE UP!, directed and produced by the bank, and Usher focused on the math, meanwhile me and Prayer read the captions.

At the bank everyone has two accounts, munflow account and scale account. Here’s how they’re different.

Munflow account doesn’t change your scale at all, you just keep extra munmun there because it’s safer than wallets, mattresses, personal treasure chests. You pay for stuff out of munflow account with muncards, and a proper job can deposit munmun direct to munflow, andsoonandsoforth, it’s all super usefull and easy and has no effect on your scale.

Scale account is what changes your scale. So for scale account there’s no cards, withdrawls, directdeposit, anything like that. Instead, to make any changes to your scale account, you must visit the bank personally. Eye ee if you contribute munmuns to it, you go to the bank, designate the amount in munflow you want to transfer to scale, and the bank performs the Scale Up Ceremony, tada, you walk out twice as big as when you came in, or however big.

Or if you’re broke, indebted, need to buy a house and there’s not enough in your munflow box, et set set setera, you transfer munmun out of your scale account and into munflow, ohno, it’s time for Scale Down Ceremony and you walk out a door smaller than the one you came in, sadfaced, wearing temporary bankrobes.

After all ceremonies, the banks robe you so you have something to wear, old clothes obviously no longer fitting you anymore.

And if you’re scaling up to eightscale or more, billionair big or bigger, they can’t even fit you in robes, or the bank forthatmatter, instead they tell you to go lie naked in a field on some slippery tarps, then I guess you go to sleep and they slowly inflate you.

WOW YOU’RE READY TO SCALE UP! mostly tells you how bankers calculate when you can scale up, and by how much, because without the bankers here’s an easy mistake you could make. Let’s say, you have a million munmuns in your scale account and ninemillion in munflow. Perfect, you say, I’ll put the ninemillion in scale and scale up by two, and now all my tenmillion munmuns are in my scale account.

(Onemillion is middlescale, tenmillion is doublescale ay kay ay twotimes middlescale, hunmillion is fourscale ay kay ay fourtimes middlescale, it makes no sense if you don’t have a mathbrain. And then hunthousand is halfscale, tenthousand is quarterscale, onethousand is eighthscale, and fivehundred and below is rat size, about tenthscale, Usher tried to explain the specific math to me but prettyquick he was talking about something called a loggerrhythm and I had to tell him to shut up.)

So okay, you put the entire ninemillion from munflow into your scale account and now you’ve scaled up double. And so ofcourse you need new clothes, new house, new car, plus you’re eating way more food, not even double but more like sixtimes, plus you’re too big to use the middleroads.

But surprise, you have no munmun in your munflow account to deal with any of those situations. Because all your munmuns are in scale account. So you leave the bank doublescale but not ready to lead a doublescale life, so immediately you have to turn back around and scale back down, and it’s a huge mess, that’s why the bankers are there to make calculations and help you.

Ruleofthumb, you shouldn’t put tenmillion in the scale account unless you have fivemillion left in munflow, eye ee, atleast fifteenmillion total, maybe more, it depends on your income, labor costs of maintaining your lifestyle ee gee how many middlepoors are needed to clean your house, tax situations andsoonandsoforth, calculations of that nature, explanations of when to scale and how often, ohmygod was this vid boring.