Messy Love(38)

In life most of the time, you knew what should and shouldn’t be done. You had your moral compass well oiled and pointed in the right direction. But then, then fucked up thoughts, doubts, and fears tied to a distant past came back full force, bringing you to your knees and pushing you in the opposite direction and you went. You went South because it felt like you’d lose yourself and die if you didn’t.

Fear was the most powerful thing inside me.

Doubts only empowered fear.

And my thoughts, so often dark, only gave me the last push I needed.

That thing with Marissa drilled home something I had always feared, always fought tooth and nail, but I had to face it now. I was an asshole. I wasn’t a good man. I was like my biological father.

My stomach revolted, twisting and turning. I took a deep breath and gritted my teeth when I was about to puke in the shower. Panting and barely standing up on my legs when my body started shaking, I knew I had no choice.

I wouldn’t let myself be like my father. He dumped me when I was eight. It’s been sixteen years. Sixteen fucking years! My dad, my adoptive father, raised me a lot longer. It had to mean something.

I turned off the water and grabbed the white towel behind me and wrapped it around my hips. I ran my trembling hands over my face, wiping the water away, and nodded to myself.

Marissa scared me. Her very existence scared me. She was too beautiful for my own good, and I was sure she would forever change my family, but she wasn’t my enemy. She deserved better than being treated like trash. I owed it to her to do something.

Slowly, I padded to my locker left open. I quickly checked to make sure my wallet and phone were still there and sat on the bench. I didn’t make a move to dry myself or get dressed. My eyes were lost on the light tiles of the floor as I put my elbows on my thighs and my head in my hands.

I heard someone walking toward me and sit on the bench not too far away from me. Their eyes burned a hole in the side of my face. I didn’t need to look up to know who it was; Ralph. Somehow, knowing he went looking for me eased off some of the constricting feelings in my chest. Even when disappointed, my best friend was still in my corner. Thicker than blood, that’s how we were. He’s proven it more times than I deserved.

“What is it, man?’’ he asked, his voice measured as if he was getting ready to face a damn crazed animal.

I breathed deeply and sat up, but I kept my eyes in front of me, this time looking at the pictures of Ava and me, me and my parents and another one of all of us together pinned inside of my locker door. “Do you have her address?’’

“I have her number.’’

I shook my head and finally stared at him. “Nah. I need to do this face to face. It’s… I fucked up.’’

He nodded and clasped my damp shoulder. His rueful smile made me feel more like shit than anything else, but I didn’t look elsewhere. “You’re doing the right thing.’’

“Yeah, well, wait until after I’ve talked to her. I’m very good at fucking up a situation that's already bad.’’ I stood up and untied my towel to dry myself. “So, do you have her address or not?’’

“I don’t. It’s your job to mend things, not mine.’’ He shook his head, shot me a smile and walked away, chuckling under his breath as if he found the situation suddenly so funny. Yeah well, I bet she was going to chew my ass so for him it probably was.

I quickly put on my clothes and nodded at a few regulars who walked in while I grabbed my phone and sat on the bench again. I was fucking nervous to make that damn call. Nervous! Ha. It’d be laughable if it were Ralph in this spot instead of me.

I cleared my throat and rolled my shoulders to get some tension away but to no avail. Marissa had been making my blood boil from the moment I saw her on my parents’ doorstep. I swiped my phone’s screen and quickly located the InkSpired number. I pressed call. I didn’t give myself the time to chicken out. I wouldn’t let Marissa pollute my damn mind any longer.

“InkSpired, Sophie speaking. What can I do for you?’’

I cringed when Sophie’s cheerful voice registered. Sophie was Marissa’s friend. I bet she wouldn’t help me and would rather hunt my ass down to make me suffer for hurting her friend. Shit.

“Hm, hi Sophie, this is Wyatt. I was with—.''

“Oh, I know who you are.’’ Hello, icicles. “Marissa isn’t here if that’s why you’re calling.’’

My grip on the phone tightened when the urge to throw it in my still open locker hit me. I craved putting Sophie in her place for basically telling me to fuck off without actually uttering the words, but at the same time, I couldn’t blame her. Inside me, a war raged between my darkness whispering to me, enticing me into snapping at this woman and my lighter side who reminded me that she was only a good friend, something I probably didn’t know a thing about anyway.

“She’s not working?’’

“Ha! I knew you were calling about her. If you think you’re going to get anywhere close to her, you have something else coming, asshole.’’ Behind her, the music playing softly in the shop only intensified the silence ringing between us as I tried to keep myself in check.

I wasn’t a patient man, and I had never taken it well when someone openly egged me on, but for the sake of the success of my damn apology, I clenched my jaw and ignored the burning coming from deep within me that told me I should lash out. I gripped my thigh with the hand not holding my cell to my ear and welcomed the bite in my overworked muscle.