Messy Love(36)

“I’m fine. I swear.’’ I leaned back in the chair and shrugged as if I wasn’t plagued with doubts, fears, and regrets as if I didn’t want to punch my damn face and at the same time run away. “And you?’’

“Me? I’m fine. I’m not the one frowning at everybody. Ava even asked me if you were mad at us.’’

“Shit.’’ I raised a hand to my face and rubbed roughly, abandoning the fake nonchalance. “I’m sorry. I’ve got stuff on my mind, but nothing important. I’ll talk to Ava.’’

She stood up and walked to me to kiss the top of my head. “It’s fine if you don’t want to talk to me, but don’t keep it all locked up. We’re all here for you. Always.’’

Always.

Not if you knew I fucked your biological daughter.

Not if you knew I did it not only because I wanted her but because I wanted her out of my fucking life and away from my family.

Not if you knew how much darkness I still had inside.

Not if you knew how fucking twisted I was because, given half a chance, I’d probably fuck Marissa again.

Instead, I turned my head away.





MARISSA


I need to talk to you. Can we meet? - Ralph



I’d been looking at this text for the better part of my free day. I couldn’t bring myself to write something back, but I couldn’t stop myself from hovering over the screen as if I was almost on the brink of writing something back.

Ralph had done nothing wrong, and I stood by my first impression of him from when I had met him that fateful day. He was a nice laid back guy. But he was also his best friend.

My throat tightened at the thought of Wyatt. I was still trying to deal with my mistake and failing miserably. I didn’t think I’d ever been the kind of woman who would let her libido and a sexy package get the best of her. I hated that he used me knowing perfectly well that it would push me away from Lydia. I should be the bigger person and forget about him and resume my life and maybe even contact Lydia, but it was asking too much of me.

Meeting Lydia had been a turning point for me, a moment in my life I knew I would always remember and think of. It changed a part of me, giving me answers where I needed them and also hitting me square where I didn’t even know I could hurt. A part of me got lost, and Wyatt only amplified this tenfold.



Come on. Don’t ignore me. - Ralph



I started when the new text came through. I nibbled on my lip and brought a hand to behind my ear to touch the birds tattooed there. I shook my head and looked around my tiny apartment decorated with second-hand furniture that didn’t fully match, but created a cozy atmosphere I enjoyed. The TV, small and nothing to boast about, played an episode of Gilmore Girls, my go-to TV series when I felt poorly and needed a pick me up.

I should be out with Sophie to get some coffee and maybe catch a movie at the theater, but instead, I holed up in my apartment to lick my still tender wounds. I didn’t like this person I was turning into.

Frowning, I gripped my phone tighter and quickly typed a text.



What is it? - Marissa

It’s not my business, but what happened with W? - Ralph



I closed my eyes, both in relief and pain. Pain for the harsh reminder of that night and relief knowing Ralph didn’t know what went down. I should probably be thankful that Wyatt didn’t go into details as to how he made me come and how easy I had been.



You said it. Not your business. Drop it. - Marissa

Fuck. What did he do to you? - Ralph



I laughed hollowly in my apartment, the sound a poor echo to one of the characters’ laughter in Gilmore Girls. I put my phone on my lap and tightened my messy ponytail. Wyatt hadn't done much more than many men would have in his shoes. When a man had an opening with a woman, I bet he didn’t go into much or any inner debate as to yes, or no he would follow through and fuck the woman’s brains out.



It’s not important. It’s all fine. I’m done talking or thinking about him. I have to go. - Marissa



I turned off my phone and grabbed the remote from the old battered coffee table I got at a thrift shop and turned the volume louder until the sound of the TV drowned out my thoughts and eased off the anger that seemed to follow me every time I talked or thought of Wyatt.

***





WYATT


“Why do you always try to push people away, huh?’’

I stumbled on the treadmill and caught myself right before I lamely fell in front of the midday Monday crowd. It’s my day off, but with the restless energy I had, I decided to come here and work out.

I locked eyes with Ralph and scowled at him, finding my fast pace again. Sweat dripped down my face, narrowly missing my eyes. I gripped the towel around my neck and dried myself, still running fast as Ralph stood in front of my treadmill, arms crossed and eyes boring a hole in my damn head.

“What the fuck are you on?’’

“Marissa.’’

Her name alone had me tensing and my sore muscles burned. I pushed the button to stop the treadmill and jumped down. “What about her?’’

“Damn it, you fucked her,’’ he uttered from behind me, stopping me in my tracks. I glanced over my shoulder and found him shaking his head, his arms uncrossed and hanging at his sides. “Don’t tell me you did it just because you wanted her away.’’