Messy Love(37)

At my silence he cursed and walked away without a look for me, going straight to the smoothie bar. I dried my face again with the towel and stalked to him.

He’s leaning against the bar, fingers tapping on the top while Brandy, a tall college-age blonde, made him his smoothie, her back to him. He didn’t look my way, even when I made sure to bump into him, but he wasn't checking the girl out either.

“Don’t start on me, Ralph,’’ I growled, my voice low, but threatening all the same. I pushed my back harder against the bar and crossed my arms, eyes trained on the vast room of the gym.

“Don’t go there, man.’’ He sighed, and in the corner of my eyes, I saw him cringe. “You’re my best friend, but sometimes I don’t get you. You let your fucked up thoughts get the best of you.’’

“You don’t know anything.’’

“I don’t? So, you didn’t fuck Marissa and treated her like shit to make sure she’d stay as far away from you and your family?’’ At my silence, he chuckled, but it rubbed me the wrong way. “Yeah, I know you fuckin' well, Wyatt. You can’t bullshit me like you do so many people.’’

“Then why are you still my friend?’’ My damn heart beat harder at the thought of losing my best friend, my only true friend. He had seen me do some fucked up shit over the years but always stood by me. Maybe screwing over a nice young woman would be the last draw. I wouldn’t blame him.

“Because I know you’re not that bad when you look through your bullshit.’’ He sighed and quickly thanked Brandy when she handed him his smoothie. “Listen, Marissa barely answered my texts earlier, and I think she’s taking it badly. I told you she’s a nice girl. She’s not a threat to you.’’

“You also said you’d do her if you had an opening.’’

“Yes, as in, I want to sleep with her without other motives. You went too far.’’

“It’s not like I didn’t want to fuck her, Ralph. Come on. She’s hot.’’

He slurped his smoothie noisily and started walking to one of the high tables near the bay windows. Reluctantly, I followed him, my feet like lead on the floor and it had very little to do with my aching calves.

“But the main reason why you had sex with her isn’t that she’s hot.’’

I rolled my eyes and put my elbows on the tabletop, leaning heavily against it. “We sound like chicks having a debate about my last sexual experience. Come on! I fucked her, told her to leave, and that’s the end of it. She knew it wasn’t more than a one-night stand.’’

“Yeah well, I don’t know how you proceed, but when I have a one-night stand, I’m kind to the woman who got me laid. You know, she’s let me put my cock inside her so…’’

“Congrats then, you’re a better man than me. Fucking surprising.’’ I glared at him and pushed away from the table, ready to head out.

“Man up and realize that you’ve fucked up,’’ he called after me, voice tight.

I turned back around and fixed my best friend, glare for glare, body so fucking tense I felt like pounding something to get that damn energy out of me. “I already know that.’’

“Then do something. Apologize!’’

“Why? She’s never going to be my friend, and I don’t want her to be. She’s out of my life as she should be. It’s over.’’

“Over? Why do you think I sent her a text?’’

My frown deepened. I hated it when he egged me on, when he wanted to pry things from me I barely had enough guts to face internally. “Go on. You’re on a roll anyway.’’

“You’ve been stuck in your damn mind. I know you a lot more than you’re probably comfortable. I know it when something’s bothering you, and it doesn’t take a genius to connect the dots.’’

“And now you want me to go on my knees and beg for forgiveness? Come on. She wasn’t mad when I was inside her, man. She wanted it.’’

I pushed away the image of her eyes full of pain, the tremble in her voice, the disgust mounting inside me at the thought of what I did. I had to stop mulling over that shit.

“If you don’t give a damn about her, that’s fine, but I think apologizing would be good for you.’’

“Don’t hand me some psychobabble bullshit.’’

He mumbled something to himself and went back to his smoothie, peering outside through the bay window and dismissing me without another word, good or bad.

Throat tight, heart squeezing and stomach tied into knots, I went to the showers. I moved like a robot, on auto-pilot, while my brain went haywire.

I barely acknowledged the men in the locker room and quickly stripped and walked to the showers, turning on the water. It drenched me in seconds with a lukewarm jet over my head, washing away sweat, but it didn’t wash away the fucking mess in my head. That’d be way too easy.

Palms against the cold white tiles, legs parted and head hanging between my shoulders, I closed my eyes. Immediately, Marissa appeared behind my eyelids, so damn beautiful it was all the more painful.

If only she had been a brat, pushing her away the way I did wouldn’t constantly be on my mind. I replayed, again and again, that moment when right after I fucked her and fucked her over, she looked at me with pain in her eyes before she left, unable to keep me in her line of sight anymore.