Messy Love(34)

Shit, what was I thinking?

“Don’t worry. I’m getting out of here.’’ Her voice, tight, only made me feel more of an asshole, but the scared part of me, that part that was very much like the boy I used to be when my parents adopted me, was relieved. I had no doubt she would get out of my life now and wouldn't want to see me again.

I knew what happened here in my bed would keep her away.

Fuck, I was disgusting. Was it why I had slept with her?

“And still no words. Wow, you’re a piece of work, Wyatt. I can’t believe… I can’t believe I went there with you.’’

And still, I kept my eyes on the ceiling, unmoving and holding in the cringe the tension and loathing in her voice brought to me. I deserved it.

I listened to her steps fade away through my apartment and still, I didn’t move.

She didn’t deserve my shit, didn’t deserve to be treated like this. I wasn’t enough of an ass not to realize that she’s a good girl and nice.

But I wasn’t.

I hurt people, just like my biological father.

***





MARISSA


I had no idea how long I had been walking the streets. At this point, my mind was so full I couldn’t grasp the meaning of time passing, and I didn’t pay attention to my surroundings either. It wasn't smart when you’re a woman alone at night, but it went above my head.

I was consumed by images of Wyatt and me in his bed, the way his lips had felt, the way his big hands, slightly rough, touched me. And I couldn’t push away the memory of the feel of him inside me, so deep I had never quite felt so strongly while having sex.

And it was the biggest mistake of my life.

I had known I would regret it, I had known it wouldn’t bring me anything but a mess, but I didn’t expect to hurt on top of it. I was such an idiot for thinking he would treat me decently afterward. Would it have been so difficult to be treated like a human being? Like I was worth something at least?

For him, I had only been a means to an end, so he would get off and fuck me over at the same time. I bet he got off even more on this.

I had understood it would only be a one-night stand and it was fine with me, but feeling like nothing at all was something else. In fact, the tender part of me, the one raw from meeting Lydia and finally discovering more about my birth mother and biological family told me that he slept with me because he knew it would drive me farther away from his precious family.

He had been honest just once, and I did not doubt it. He was afraid of losing his family.

Well, he wanted me away from his adoptive mother, and he succeeded brilliantly, even getting off on it and hurting the one person he felt threatened by.

I pulled my jacket closer to my body as a chill ran over me that had nothing with the hot and humid air. My feet hurt from walking in high heels through the streets and I barely had any feeling left in my toes. I glanced up the street and found a cab parked and waiting near a bar. I hurried up and crossed the street, ready to put this night behind me.

I needed a shower to rinse off any remnant of Wyatt’s touch on my body. If only it would be as easy to get him off my mind too.

One thing was for sure; I hated him as I had never hated someone in my life.





MARISSA


“I don’t know what to say,’’ Sophie blurted after a full minute spent processing my words.

It’s been a whole week since that night with Wyatt. For a full week I had been going through the motion of work, sleep, eat and repeat. I had avoided my friends. I would only talk when asked something.

I had been lost in thoughts, all more self-deprecating than the last. I was disgusted with him, but I was also so disappointed in myself. I was better than jumping into bed with the first attractive man hitting on me. I had known from day one that Wyatt was bad news, but the appeal of having sex with him was stronger. And for what end? An earth-shattering orgasm followed by silence, a silence so hard and heavy that it had suffocated me.

A one-night stand was supposed to be about two people using each other, but I had na?vely believed that it could be done with respect. And without the insight that it would drive me away from the Burtons. What a wake-up call.

“Are you okay? Marissa, hey?’’

I jerked out of my thoughts and smiled ruefully at Sophie as we’re served our drink order. I had a hard time looking at her sweet face and sympathetic smile. I didn’t like to be this kind of woman, the kind too dumb to stay away from a man who wasn’t good news. So instead of looking at her, I fixed the beer in front of me and ignored the pang at the thought that the last time I came here, I was with him.

“I’m an idiot. I shouldn’t have—‘’

“Oh no. You stop right here.’’ She grabbed one of my hands on top of the table and squeezed until I locked eyes with her. Her blue eyes conveyed a strength I didn’t quite feel right now. “We’ve all had sex with an asshole at least once, Marissa. That doesn’t make you an idiot. He’s the idiot for being so… Well so…’’ She shook her head and rolled her eyes when she couldn’t find a suitable word. “You know what? He doesn’t deserve to be mentioned ever again. At least, it was stellar sex. Believe me, sometimes you can get an asshole, and you don’t even get an orgasm in return. It’s even worse.’’